Drifting for Miles - House 3, Part 3

Last time we left off with Lichen being born and his parents about to do it.

Buckthorn: So get out then!

I was just showing your new bed.

Candice: Do that later!

Buckthorn: Yeahhh, you're not so bad are you Lichen?

Lichen: Thanks?

I finally got round to fixing up Aspen. She's Erratic and Mean, with the public enemy aspiration. Ohhh Asp, you're gonna make a nice criminal one day.

Aspen: Thank you!

She's so pretty, looks a lot like Iosefina (RIP).

Back at the home lot, Buckthorn is taking to fatherhood rather gingerly.

Lichen: You're going so SLOW-

Buckthorn: Well there is soil under my fingernails so I wanna be cAREFUL-

Candice's stepmother showed up.

Buckthorn: Well...I guess she can come in, I like gifts.

Candice: And I like naps. I'm gonna nap now.

Buckthorn: And you say I'm avoidant...

Rosalie: A peace offering. Seriously give it to your girlfriend and hope it works, cos I'm sick of Fetu complaining about their distant relationship.

LP: Look I'm fixing it! I'm fixing it...don't cry your parents will be annoyed.

Will they.

LP: Hey little sis you're so much less annoying than before.

Aspen: Oh just you wait.

LP: Don't like the sound of that.

Aspen: Neither did Mum. I've made it my life's mission to make her early retirement a handful.

Aspen: The ocean calls me :) to wreck shit up and take control of towns by force :).

Buckthorn: What do you mean you don't want a bottle?

He needs attention.

Buckthorn: Attention? Like I have to hug him? What a needy little...aww his ears are so small and cute!

Yeah shut up Buck you love him.

I had to move Lichen into the bedroom so Candice could take care of him.

She didn't.

Candice: I could go over there and hold my son but...nah.

Yeah you two are not having a second baby if I can help it.

Buckthorn: WooooOOOOOooo guess who topped a career.

I mean, a 3-level career. But well done all the same.

Buckthorn: And I unlocked the BIG MACHINE.

Fuck it up Bucky.

This is Candice's 'distract Buckthorn from gardening while not actually helping' face.

Candice: You know it. It's a nice routine, think he'll like my dress?

Then she decided to actually look at her kid.

Candice: Why is he still crying I like...shushed him and everything?

Poor Lichen honestly.

LP: Heyyyy brother!

Buckthorn: Damn are you homeless or something now? You know we have a crying baby, right? Well, maybe Candy got him to stop. I haven't checked in a while.

Buckthorn: Sooo a signature to repeal the Juiced NAP?

Billie: Let me just get my glasses young man.

Emery: Who pissed in your cereal, ain't no problem getting drunk all the time?

Landgraab offshoot: So said the guy who did my nose job.

But Bucky's actually getting some people on his side.

Annalise: Now won't you sign this nice young man's petition?

Buckthorn: Oh won't you just?!

Harold: This feels like an ambush.

Buckthorn: Oh COME ON I'm sick of people puking in my flowers.

Harold: Namaste and fuck off good sir!

Nalani: Freesia's boy, hm? I remember when you were just a squalling infant...hell, when SHE was just a squalling infant! I was good friends with your grandparents.

Buckthorn: Oh...damn you must be old then. Hey wanna sign my repeal petition?

Nalani: I don't live here.

Buckthorn: Awww, it's no bother, just forge an address!

Candice: DAD I'M NOT MOVING HOME OK. Just come meet my baby and stop being in denial.

Nalani: Aw what the hell, let's do it!

Buckthorn: Thank you so much...Auntie Nalani.

Harold: Suckerrrr

Nalani: Haven't heard that in a while. Freesia was always so busy. Ah, if only my girls waited until you came of age.

Buckthorn:...Well would you like to meet the girl I did end up with?

Fetu: A little small, but it'll do for my wonderful daughter.

Candice: Lol you should have seen it before. I'm headed out, Bucky says there's someone I gotta meet.

Nalani: Well! She's actually rather pretty, well done Buckthorn.

Candice: Yo I'm not a prize.

Buckthorn: Every day with her is a reward.

Nalani: Lovely. But I think I have grandchildren around your son's age.

Candice:...They're babies, ma'am.

Buckthorn: Yeah let's not for now, huh?

LP: You met your father-in-law yet?

Fetu: WaHOO new record, I'm spritely!

LP: He did like three and puffed the whole time.

Candice: BuckTHORN MY DAD-

Buckthorn: Let him see how much I cherish you - also, damnnnn, nice view.

Candice: Sigh. He's here, again.

While this was happening the two old-timers caught up. Even if Nalani is like a whole generation ahead of Fetu bc mermaid lifespans.

Nalani: -no you really shouldn't worry. The Sutherlands are the best family ever!

You're the first to say it.

Candice: I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna touch the gross diaper while you use the bathroom. That's how much I love you.

Buckthorn: Thank you so much for doing an integral part of parenthood with me. The parenthood I totally wanted.

Candice: Don't be sarcastic with me now!

She even fed him too. Damn she's really getting the hang of this.

Candice: Yah I need a nap now.

Buckthorn: So will you sign my partition - petition?

Candice: Well damn Bucky if that's how you talk it up I can see why you need me.

Buckthorn: Yeah OK smartass, you're actually the last signature I need.

Candice: I'm impressed!...Hand me that pen.

Buckthorn: Let's plant this sweet bovine berry...what could be the Watcher's worry?

Um, I don't want to kill you with it.

Buckthorn:...Ah. We've got that in common.

Candice: Good boy. Nice soft dough boy.

Candice has been obsessed with this clay ever since Buckthorn fished it out of the lake.

Candice: Wait he got it where?

It's Lichen's birthday.

Help he's cute.

Buckthorn: Yeah cos he looks like me.

He got Inquisitive, which is quite fitting for the House 4 drifter. Considering he's Candithorn's only baby (if things go as planned), I hope he's a nice mix!

This kid has a lot of family. And the only person to send a gift was Candice's dead mother.

Myra: The Netherworld Postal Service is actually pretty efficient.

Buckthorn: Yeah OK I'm bored, you take him.

Candice: Well I'm relaxing so he can watch cartoons with me, that's all.

Buckthorn: Whatever.

This is why he's their only baby.

She did actually feed him tho.

Lichen: Adequate.

[insert break where his hair changed bc updates]

Ohhh my god that evil little face.

Lichen: You change my hair? I change my mind! *yeets food*

Candice: As if I'd bring you a comb and scissors. I didn't even do this.

LP: See? This is why we should never have had kids, bro!

Buckthorn: I'm inclined to agree. LICHEN BUCKTHORN SUTHERLAND-

Lichen: What? WHAT? Fight me!

LP: I cannot handle this mess, how can you just sit there-

Candice: 'Cos you're doing it. Maybe you should come round more often. Fight with the wife and that.

LP: Whaaat, no, I come to see my brother not escape~

Lichen: See Dad, I can fish too!

Ew.

Buckthorn: HUUURGH this kid is so loud, so annoying-

Lichen: I didn't say anything yet!

Buckthorn: I could hear you from the bathroom. I was trying to PISS, GAWD-

Lichen: Let me out of the cage plsssss! It's been fifty years,.

Buckthorn: Hang on, gotta clean one plate-

Lichen: *cries*

Buckthorn: Patience, pls. Gonna get round to the plate first. *stares into space*

Buckthorn: My Candice, you are more lovely every passing day.

Candice: Oh Buckyyyyy

Lichen: Guess I'll go fluff myself then.

Buckthorn did get up in the night to read his poor son a story.

Lichen: And very graciously too.

Buckthorn: And the orange tabby said - God what is this drivel? Cats don't talk.

Lichen: Yeah I know, just bore me to sleep pls.

I think this is Acorn's third child? Anyways, welcome Maya, actually Buckthorn's cousin.

Buckthorn: Hey girl, wanna frick?

Candice: You smell like scalerot, why would I want to?

Buckthorn: I'm that sexy?

Candice:...

Buckthorn: How about we do it in the shower so I can rehydrate?

Candice: I can work with that.

Buckthorn is like....bad at this.

Buckthorn: Mother of f#$%^% I can still smell the scalerot!

Anyway we sent the poor kid to daycare so Buckthorn could do some fishing elsewhere. He also brought his family - i.e. Candice, Freesia and Aspen.

Freesia: Oooop no, that's a bad move, White Player!

Devin: You're sick.

Aspen: Come on it's only a light electric shock! IT'll be a fun prank...dont' leave!

LP: Guuuuuys adulthood just isn't fun-

Freesia: Why are these my children?

Ryan: Don't look at me.

Aspen: Your hair is broken. Maybe your soul shall be too.

Candice: Stop looking at my chest like that, you look way too much like my dad.

Freesia: That and you're married to my son.

Candice: Well he hasn't asked-

Manuia: Damn girl you and those things don't deserve him!

Freesia: I'l have him get on that m'dear.

Candice: I hate the both of you right now.

Back at home...

Lichen: So NOW you wanna play? Go to hell!

I don't remember getting the second clay. I know I didn't buy it.

Candice: Does it matter? Best day ever!

She is getting pretty good with the stuff. I appreciate the model of the fish.

Buckthorn: Yeah I'm not coming in tomorrow. Or...ever. I quit this job. Bye.

Lichen: Is it true? Will I have a BUM for a father?

Yeah we don't need the part-time jobs anymore. Candice is keeping hers so she has some sort of direction lol.

Lichen: Anyway. I have FRIENDS now! Hi green things!

The next day Buckthorn is sad for no reason.

Buckthorn: I really am all doom and gloom...

And Cnadice found it in her to interact with her baby.

Candice: See, Lichen? Mummy loves you, from the couch or not!

Candice: Your lips on my cheek. Good.

Buckthorn: Smooth, babe.

Candice: You talking about yourself, or me?

LP: Well hope I didn't walk in on anything.

Buckthorn: Hoo, well, one minute later...

Candice: Probably nothing. Now have a brotherly catchup, boys, I wanna go play video games.

LP: I'd rather push it up! One! Fifty!

Candice: Shut up and go away I' trying to concentrate.

Buckthorn: More livin' off that LAND! Making my own juice-

That thing seems to run off iPad style controls.

Buckthorn:...I did grow the ingredients myself!

Buckthorn's cowplant grew.

Buckthorn: Eat this fish I wrapped up! And not me! Please not me.

Tough luck, I need 5 separate essences and you're the person I control around here.

Cowplant: This will do for now, mortal.

Freesia: Booyah and suck it, Simzee! I'm not that stupid teenage girl who was entranced by cake! You're not gettin' me.

Freesia: So. How's the child-raisin' going? You've got a nicer setup than I had at this point.

Lichen: Dad. Dad. Look at me.

Freesia: I mean LP basically raised himself, and there was that incident where Iosefina put him halfway across town and left-

Candice: Maybe that's why he's so...like that.

Lichen: DAD, MUM, ANYONE-

Buckthorn: In a second son. Just...imagining a different life.

Lichen: I hope this stuff POISONS Dad's precious plants! Or at least makes them mutant and WEIRD.

Speaking of the precious plants.

Buckthorn: I can do it. No it's fine. I'll do it.

Cowplant: I don't have all dayyyy human.

Later...

Buckthorn: That was horrible and I shall never feel clean again. At several points I genuinely thought the plant would renege on our deal and digest me. I feared for my life. And it's made me realise...I should probably get round to proposing to my girlfriend.

Yeah so Bucky finally rolled that whim.