Mariska: *sniff, cry* Oh, Raj, my darling husband, I miss you so...
Piplup: Oh 'tis a sad day but I still gotta get on with my homework.
Mariska: Your grandson is a robot. How did this happen? How did my creative and freewheeling son produce you, Pip?
Anika: *cough*
Loudred: Um. No. I don't know you like that, Marcel.
Marcel: Really? You texted me late last night ruminating on your possible bisexuality...
Loudred: I'm very sure that I didn't. Although I don't remember last night. Don't remember a lot of nights really.
The next morning...
Mariska: *sniffle* I've never slept so badly in my life.
Except for your childhood in an ISBI.
Mariska: Shut up I'm trying to be profound. I just miss my Raj OK!
Anika: *sigh* Raj was a pretty big weirdo but he was still a beacon of normalcy in this house.
They actually really did bond when he was alive and I never noticed lol. Became friends all on their own, now I feel bad for her.
Anika: Seriously that guy was one of my closest friends. That is because I never had friends except for Loud in school, but...
That's...sad.
Anika: Eh. The bullies were right, I did smell like cat litter.
What the actual fuck this is supposed to be an unbreakable toilet.
Um...Misty?
Misdreavus: What? It's a new and beautiful day :). Just because my family are moping around doesn't mean I have to. Grandpa would want it this way. He'd want me to be the smartest person left in the family.
I mean Pip and Anika are-
Misdreavus: The. Smartest.
It's actually the 'edgier' kids who are more cut up about it.
Goldeen: Hey, I can be sad, he was my dad. Haunter's just pathetic.
Haunter: Someone threw the bear costume over the balcony. As if I'd ever miss a person. I just wanna be a bear.
Goldeen: Isn't that more pathetic?
Haunter: Careful bitch I will bite you.
Anika: I do miss your grandfather but I feel briefly good enough to help you with your sadness. One interaction and I'll take the moodlet away.
Misdreavus: Oh God yes please. Feelings always get in the way.
Anika: That's my girl. I have two of the best kids-
Misdreavus: You have three kids, Mum.
Anika: I'm aware.
Piplup: What ARE you watching, Misty?
Misdreavus: Accurate documentary about the sexual habits of dolphins.
Piplup: OK, OK...they do what?! Dolphins were about to be my favourite animal. You know, they're beachy and ocean-y and all, and that's ME-
Misdreavus: You need to stop with this rebranding attempt. You're a weak little nerd. An offbrand version of me in a way.
Anika: Exactly Piplup, you were doing everything right as a kid-
Loudred: Misty, Pip can't be like you. You're both smart kids...but you're stone cold.
Misty: Thank you, Dad!
Loudred: I wasn't-
Anika: So. Your dad's dead and you're worried that 2 of our children have sociopathic tendencies...wanna bang it out?
Loudred:...What did you say before bang?
Anika: That's my Loud. Closet?
Loudred: For old time's sake? I'll find that shirt...oh Dad, I can't believe you believed that-
Anika: Loudred I am trying to distract you. Be distracted.
Loudred: Oh crap...quiet, quiet...coast's clear, let's go!
Anika, inside: Just get out the way, Loudred, I have work to do and we're adults. We don't have to sneak around.
Of course Anika works from home.
Anika: Why can't people mute themselves for once? I don't want to hear your baby crying!
Mariska: Dammit Raj! Why aren't you here for me to complain about your slobbiness? Oooh when I join you you are in for it-
He never even used this sink lmao.
Julia Wright: What? Some lady 'Anika' is the new Dean of Admissions and I want that damn diploma.
Mariska: Yes Toxi, I miss your dad too...no I'm not helping you track down your latest baby daddy, this is simply not my problem!...We did know the same Raj, right? Cos he wasn't beating anybody up!
Anika: I just miss having the family around.
Loudred; I'm your family! And I'm here to cheer you up, my darling Anika. How may I help?
Anika: Aw, you're helping just by noticing. And it's more that...the children. They're getting so grownup, they don't need us anymore, and I miss them being little.
Loudred: You want another baby? What happened to Misty being the absolute last?
Anika: It's just an idea.
Loudred: It's a good one! Never tell Goldeen I said this, but four really is such a good number of kids to have.
Essentially I'm doing a 'cheer-up train'. Loudred's been cheered up so he can cheer up Pip, and so on...
Piplup: I don't know. Will it all get better?
Haunter: *sniff* Dolphins are sexually violent-
Piplup: Are you making fun of me or are you actually sad about that.
Haunter: Both.
Misty: All of you are pathetic.
Goldeen: Shut up Dad. My writing isn't trite and I will outstrip you as a novelist!
Loudred: We'll find you a new favourite animal.
Piplup: That's not what I'm actually sad about, I'm not 5.
Goldeen: Hisssss! You act like it.
Loudred: Goldeen are you truly wigging out or just trying to find an excuse to be mean?
Damn she looks good. And very happy.
Latias: What, did you think I still have feelings? I got the aliens to take those parts out 5 years ago.
Goldeen:...Aren't we done?
Misty: I'm just reading ahead.
Goldeen: You aren't even allowed to do extra credit yet you little nerd-
Misty: Piplup is a nerd. I am an intellectual.
Goldeen: Bro you're raising a hipster.
Loudred: Yeah I know! I love ya, Misty, but you wouldn't even jam out with me to complete your instrument hours.
Misty: My aspiration doesn't specify, but I prefer classical.
Loudred: What's that mildew smell?
Haunter: Guess what I just fished out of a puddle. Suck it Goldeen, I know it was you.
Loudred:...Four IS a good number of kids.
The Cheer-up Chain continues. Thanks, Misty!
Goldeen: Can't believe I have to agree with the Watcher.
Misty: No problem at all. Now get back to the writing. It's what you're good for!
I've never seen Loudred this mad before.
Loudred: There's water here!
And?
Loudred: I could have DIED!
Misty; And again, just to make sure I'm pressing the note exactly as it should be. Piano playing really should be more structured. Oh, the nightmares of toddlerhood when Goldeen would *shudder* improvise.
This isn't terrifying at all.
Haunter: *smushes doll* Shhh...shhh...it'll all be over soon. It'll be like falling asleep. What are you looking at, other dolls? You know the fate that awaits you!
Mariska: I know you downloaded that malware! Got into my old recipe files AND the *fun tape*-
Loudred: Seriously? That's how I got hacked? All that music I've been making, just leaked.
Goldeen: You're a senile old woman and YOU got hacked because you gave out details to a scammer, you idiot! This wasn't me!
Charlene: IDK I believe them Goldeen, you're kind of a live wire.
Loudred: *singing* You know it's not the same as it was...but what if I put a techno beat-
Anika: -Hey guess what I'm serenaded. Wanna go for that fourth baby?
I can't believe I'm doing this lol.
Literally AS THIS WAS HAPPENING Anika got a call that her mum passed away. RIP Catarina.
Toxi went to go hang out with her weirdest nephew.
Haunter: I'M BUSY-
Toxi: Why are you poking that doll with a toothpick?
Haunter: Pre-voodoo, don't ask.
Toxi:...Aren't you warm in that?
Haunter: And aren't you cold at night?
Piplup: *sniff* It's my grandma, y'know. I was so close to Granny Catharine.
Charlene: Mmmmmhm. You look pitiable and that's the only reason I'm letting you touch my hand.
Anika: YAY! I definitely don't already regret this.
I do.
Anika: So. Son. I'm having another baby.
Piplup: Oh. Why? You kind of went 1.5 for 3 on the first batch.
Anika: Don't question my life choices or it'll go down to 1.
Piplup: Why would Misty lose her half-point?
Anika: Maybe it already has.
Piplup:...I have angered my mother.
Mariska: And I wanna get drunk and annoy my husband but I can't, we can't all feel good.
Piplup: *sniff* First we lose Granny Cat and now I'm not even my mother's favourite...
Toxi: You're kind of immortal and I've heard you're good with kids.
Did Haunter's insults get to you girl?
Hawea: I am good with kids. I was good with your older siblings. Stop looking at me like that
Speaking of siblings...
Yay for Zubat having his first kid finally.
You're next, Latias.
Lati: Not on your life.
Haunter:....Still busy!
Piplup: Be busy outside the laundry room. I have got to get into Mum's good books again.
Haunter Say less, Norman Bates.
Piplup: Why does that sound familiar?
(Because Mariska made fun of Raj that way back in the day lol)
Misty: Let me try out dad's instrument. I'm sure it won't be better than the proper grand but...*plonks some notes* As I thought. Weirdly electric sounding. Poor.
Loudred: You're so beautiful! Y'know, I should write some more songs about you.
Anika: Loudred I look bloated and I smell like squash soup. It's ALL I want to eat right now.
Loudred: Still hot, my little squash.
Anika: No.
Loudred: I'll work on pet names too.
Anika: Great. Now my husband is day-drinking.
Loudred:...Hey did I forget to put the liquid in? Shit. That was such good shaking.
Anika: Sometimes I wonder how two of our kids are smart. I mean I was no great student, but damn.
Loudred: Something's on your mind, Mum?
Mariska:...Well. I feel like I'm not long for the world, y'know. I'm ready to join my Raj.
Loudred:...Dont' worry. I'll look after the family just as good as you did, your legacy is safe!
Mariska: What do you mean, look after the family as I did? That was never our job. We both got married to different people for a reason.
Goldeen: I got an A, does this mean I'm a goddamn nerd now?
Pipup:..You achieved at the same rate as me? Unacceptable.
Misty: Does that mean I have the lowest grades of us all? Well, there is you, Haunt-
Haunter: I've had an A for like a week, little sis. You're officially the dunce.
Misty: *sniff* It can't be. I'm gonna go write lines.
Gooldeen: Write lines? Is this an Enid Blyton story? Why would you assign yourself that?
Haunter: Write 'My brother's academic achievement is spooky', geddit-
Piplup: I've never seen her so emotional.
Anika: I feel like you don't want to host this party.
Loudred:...And I feel like I've outgrown this jacket.
Anika: Well it is a bit young for-
Loudred: Literally outgrown. You're not the only one who's put on a little parent weight.
Anika: Excuse me?
Loudred: Well, wait-
Anika: I'm fucking with you, I know it's true.
Anika: Um, Mariska, I am not your husband!
Mariska: I know, I'm just dancing-
Anika: Well I'm not comfortable, get away-
Haunter: LMAO having fun with that homework there Misty.
Misty: Hardly. But a scholar must persevere past idiocy.
Haunter: Look dad! A subject came to my party!
Loudred: Haunter we've discussed this. They're people.
Elliott: GOLDEEN you tricked me I really didn't want to go.
Oh yeah it is his birthday. Haunter's, that is.
Anika's just spending her son's birthday hanging out in a bathroom with two teenagers.
Anika: Not by choice. Jaiden, we wear trousers to there people's houses, yes?
Elliott: Who are you, someone's Mum?
Anika: Three someones, soon to be four, actually. Who pissed in your cereal?
Elliott:...I'm sorry Mrs S. I don't mean to be such an asshole.
Misty: You still are though. Why do you even hang out here?
Piplup: Because he apparently wants to date Goldeen that badly.
Elliott: She has been really distant...
Anika: Mhm. Right. Just eat your freeloader salad, Haunter will blow out his candles and you can all go home.
Haunter: Well. I'm about to grow in strength and power!
Piplup: Yaylittlebrotherplsdon'tkill-
Loudred: Oh fuck that's happening-
Goldeen: Too many drinks, brother?
Loudred: Nah, just the one. I'm what Anika calls 'kind of a ditz'
Goldeen: That woman is a master of understatement.
Loudred: Huh?
Misty: My drawing is a bit lopsided.
Anika: Yes, you're out of the lines and you can do a little better, Misty.
Misty: I know. I will scrap this colouring sheet and start again, Mother.
With the party, Loudred finished his aspiration.
Piplup: At the cost of my childhood peace.
Loudred: Maybe I'm glad to be done after all. My boring children come first I suppose. *shudder*
Don't sound so pleased Loudred.
Aaaaand finally here is the new teen Haunter.
In addition to Evil he got the Music Lover trait (from his dad) and the Friend of the World aspiration...dunno if I'll even try with that. But he can learn one of the instruments and have Loud help him out.
Haunter: So you're gonna ignore me. Cool.
He really looks a lot like his dad in terms of facial structure but his nose and mouth are Anika.
Anika: Hm. Abstract art this time?
Misty: Not on your life. I have drawn an accurate representation of my brother.
Piplup: Now that is not fair-
Misty: Obviously not you.
Anika: C'mon son...
Misty: If I was gonna insult you it'd be behind your back.
Loudred: I hear you've developed a love for music! Oh boy I can't wait to spend time together and teach you all about my favourite tunes, and help you with your piano playing-
Haunter: I'm feeling the guitar more.
Loudred: Well! I've never played that before but I'm sure I can still be of use.
Haunter:...I want to move out.
Elliott: Wow dude you really suck at doing this. Why can't you hurry up? I wanna take a spa bath.
Piplup:*sniff* I'm doing my best!
It's 11pm and you can GO HOME ELLIOTT. Goldeen doesn't seem all that interested anymore which is fair enough cos this guy is annoying.
Raj is out to haunt.
Raj: This bathroom...could be messier.
Raj: Fuck this coffee machine in particular.
RIP Summer's daughter. Good thing we don't need anymore party guest spots filled out, so I guess we weren't gonna see this girl anyway.
Also Zubat's sister-in-law died too.
Toxi had her second child, and her first (Daphne) is now an actual school kid.
Goldeen: Good morning bump!...Wait did she break her ankle?
It appears so.
Goldeen: Also damn I kinda wanna jump Elliott's bones today.
It is FIVE AM you two couldn't have pulled it together yesterday?
Goldeen: I'm an enigma - OK, Anika stop screaming, I'll help.
Raj: So I've realised - losing your corporeal form ain't so bad. No more aching joints! We can finally do that thing you talked about.
Mariska: Wait really? I guess as a ghost I'll get bendy
Raj: Hell yeah we'll [redacted]-
Anika: Haunter you will spend time with your father and learn all the music theory or so help me GOD--
Haunter: Ugh, you're only saying this cos you don't want to-
Anika: No I totally listen to everything he says-
Haunter: I know how you two spend your time. It's sticking out in front of you.
Mariska: Even if we can't do that thing yet, I've still missed you.
Raj: Yeah this might as well happen.
Mariska: I'm sorry my alive body is killing your vibe.
After the kids went to school this was basically the whole day.
Anika: -and this is why the university really needs another grant-
Mariska: I'm going to die soon.
Loudred: You sound..happy about that, Mum.
Anika: Oh God did that email make me sound like an idiot? Can they all tell I'm working in pyjamas? What to do?!
Yep I've been working from home too.
Kids are back!
Piplup: So...why am I inviting him over?
Goldeen: Because he will not talk to me! Just do it, I already set up a catfishing profile for you to use.
Misty: My siblings concern themselves with such...silly, petty matters.
Elliott: I shoulda known it was you. This has you written all over it.
Goldeen: HMMPH. Who says?
Elliott: I mean 'Valentina Blurbs'? Piplup's warning - I mean-
Goldeen: Remind me to kill him later.
Elliott: Nah, honestly I wouldn't have come for some Valentina chick. I came to see you.
Goldeen: Oh baby-
Misty: -I can do algebra like that in my sleep, the elementary school just won't let me!
Haunter: Oh yea? Solve for X then. Do integration!
Mariska: Um. Hello? I'm kinda dying over here.
Elliott: GOLDEEN your mum oh my God-
Goldeen: Yeah this has been telegraphed for a while. I'm gonna go cry over there.
Goldeen: BOOOHOOO I'm an orphan.
Elliott: Oh my God you guys just lost your parents.
Piplup: Not Mum and Dad!
Goldeen: Yep! *sniffle* Loudred and Anika are dead.
Grim: Amazing. Even as I take your family members' very life you bicker about bullshit.
Misty: Y'know maybe it was weird that I didn't stop doing my homework when Grandma was getting taken away.
Piplup: Heh...yeah, definitely weird.
Misty: But I am sad about it I'm not completely heartless.
Haunter: Neither am I...I'm sad too...that Mum is making me get a JOB!
Anika: Hey, it's in my aspiration. One of you has to be successful. That means topping a career. And considering how long it'll take any of you to do a full career, it has to be this way.
Anika: Haunter seriously get OUT THE WAY-
Haunter:...Piss yourself.
Misty is actually upset.
Misty: I just miss Grandma so much! She could have taught me some really exact recipes! She wasn't just a crazy old lady...
Misty: Eh I feel better now. Check and mate, big brother.
Piplup: But - but...I feel like the Beach Way has caused my life to fall apart. Maybe it's time to return to my old uptight way of life.
Misty: Maybe so, either way that is my personality now, and you can't have it. You're just a spare!
Haunter: Haha yes violent video games...practice for the real thing or?
Dude you're playing party frenzy and then you have your barista job.
Haunter: THAT was definitely not my choice. It's the best case scenario though.
Why so?
Haunter: Mmmmm I'm gonna ruin so many mornings. You're all getting decaf!
Loudred: I miss my parents. I never wanted to lead this family! Can't Misty do it? I feel like she's real capable.
Eh these kids mostly run themselves. Except for the fourth one.
Loudred: Yeah why did we do that again?
Goldeen: Y'know if Mum was here I could have had a better breakfast and not stale cereal.
Anika: I mean I made eggs, it's only cos you were lazy-
Goldeen: I'd rather join her in hell than eat those rubbery eggs, Anika.
Yeah everybody is sadddd.
Piplup: I don't want to be an adult! I never chose this life!
Calm down you're like 16.
Pipliup: And? I've kind of been a worrier since I was six!
Haunter: Oh SISTER that move was not it, you wanna beat yourself? Play yourself for real!
Misty: I'm running simulations. You wouldn't understand. And you played yourself by getting a stupid morning job.
Anika: Ew. Gross. Actually, if I keep standing this close I may harm my baby, it's that bad. Goddammit R - wait. That means...that means it's my kids who did this. That doesn't say good things about me.
Well yeah, it's pretty gross.
Anika: I'll blame Goldeen.
You gonna clean it?
Anika: Hell no. BABY.
Loudred:....I miss my mother, father and childhood. I'm not sure how I got here in life. Aaaaand drop the bass!
Mixtapes count as songs so I'm having him finish up some of the old ones to do the Musical Genius aspiration. Which he's already at Level 3 of, go Loudred.
Anika: Um, so...yeah the first three pregnancies took their toll. I swear I just meant to cough a bit.
These two really are the same aren't they.
Misty: Except I'm actually important.
Piplup: Except she's more square than her glasses.
Misty:...Thank you I guess.
Loudred: My son! How was your job?
Piplup: Why are you looking at me?
Goldeen: Not everything is about you.
Anika: I think he forgot who actually got the job-
Loudred: Other son then!
Huanter: I only got to do stockroom shit and didn't ruin a single person's coffee order!
Anika: Oh God you're never topping that career are you.
Misty: Pinned your hopes on the wrong kid didn't you?
What a lovely family Friday night.
Haunter: Dad I know this isn't a mini-guitar and I don't want to learn your lame violin! I'll break it.
Loudred: Please don't it cost £15k.
Anika: Which you'd be paying for young man.
Anika's in labour again and I guess she's...in pain?
Anika: Ugh. Haunter is fucking terrible at violin. Also, ow, contraction I suppose.
Goldeen: Oh wow! You're here to distract me from my newfound orphan status? Distract from my brother's wife screaming upstairs?
Elliott: Uh...actually my parents made me come over and give a condolence gift...
Goldeen:...At this point good enough!
Do you wanna get a tighter grip there Anika?
Anika: Na I'm a pro. Welcome, Skiploom.
So yeah it's another boy! Named as Anika says above.
Anika: I can't believe Loudred makes all our children have Pokemon names. ...I can't believe I agreed to it.
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