10.4 - Babycare 'Pros'

I opened my game up to this...

Missy: You smell like mothballs and cheap fabric.

Dylan: Retail, y'know. Is that apple lipgloss?

Miles:...Well I'm extremely uncomfortable.

Dylan: Same. I should be meeting my new babies. Why am down here stuck like this anyway?

Missy: Move it then, boy.

Sari:...Why did we think twins were a good idea?

Tristan and Tosca, across the room: *stinky, crying, annoying etc.*

Miles: So...are we gonna talk about that kitchen incident?

Dylan: Look, I love Sari-

Miles: Ew, no, don't give me that crap, I don't care. I'm just warning you: do NOT get into compromising situations with the previous generation around here.

Dylan: It was a clipping issue!

Miles: Yeah, I believe you. They might not. Especially Danika, she's told me the story of her mother and adoptive sister and a certain Blaze...

Dylan:...Can I just play BlicBlock now?

Mason: How are there so many of them? Sari they're everywhere!

Sari: How am I even alive when my dad's this much of a fucking idiot. It's twins dad. Twins. You had four kids!

Mason: But it was only one at once! Oh God what do I do?

Sari:...Let me do it. Like I've been doing all night.

The weekly bill amount makes me want to cry. Good thing we have over 2.5mil in the savings.

Miles: Twins, sis. Real great idea.

Sari:...You really have to make fun of a new mother, huh?

Miles: I don't discriminate.

Sari: Asshole.

Dylan: You don't want food? Well, I know Mason said he fed you, little Tristan, but he must have not have done it RIGHT. Come on, take the bottle!

Miles: You picked a real winner to make the twins with too.

Sari: Would you please shut up?

Danika got these CC glasses and she just went up to Hipster Level 5.

Danika: *hears babies* I guess I'm now able to take care of them. But no. I want no part of that.

Missy: Why do these children smell so bad?

WHY ARE THEY STINKY AGAIN

Missy: Why are they still stinky? I changed its nappy, what do they want from me?

You changed ONE. Mason is here trying to handle the other.

Mason: So many children! What do I do when they smell again? Oh crap I'm cracking here, SARI!!!!!

You guys had four children. Four.

Dylan: Yeah. how are all your kids alive, Missy?

Missy: You shut up, you've done nothing but sit on your ass and eat that sandwich I made.

Mason: You didn't make them. You haven't made a sandwich in your life.

Dylan: Thought I'd leave it to the pros.

Not so pro after all.

Sari: The real pro is here now, don't worry...whichever one you are.

Baby: Phew...love you Mama.

Sari: Now how do I feed you again? Ooh, and I still need to get you headphones!

Dylan tried out Sari's guitar.

Dylan: Hey there Delilah...uhhh, Sahara - I don't think this thing is in tune.

Sari, from the other room: Yes it is, you're just not playing the right tune!

Dylan: I think that sound is...the babies crying again.

Sari: Listen up Dyl, don't even! I've had enough.

Dylan: Nah, it's your dad's choice of radio station.

Sari: Ewwww! Even worse!

Dylan: Heh, pink love magic.

Sari: Does this mean I have two lips?

Dylan:...Everyone has two lips.

Sari: And that's why the emperor turned into a llama!

Dylan: Haha, you're so funny, Sar-

Mason: Haaaa, yeah, that's my amazing daughter right there!

Sari:...Dad.

Dylan: Haha! Next time let's leave the house for a date! PLEASE

Sari: Maybe we will when my parents wrap their heads around the fact that there's two babies.

Mason is probably one of the best dads of the ISBI, but also the most embarrassing. I mean, yikes dude.

Tamsin's come over again.

Tamsin: Right. Let's get it over with, I'll meet these poor cursed children.

Dylan: That's not very nice, Tamsin! And I'll have you know they could not POSSIBLY be cursed, my Sahara is a mermaid and not a witch-

Tamsin: Wh - what? That's not what I mean you gibbering idiot. They have you as parents. Cursed.

Sorry what. Why.

Dylan: Let me get those knots out of your old back, Mr Sutherland.

Mason: Boy, if you don't - I mean, I'm not old, but thanks for the massage.

Dylan: Your skin is so smooth. Like a humpback whale.

Mason: You touched a humpback whale?

What in the everloving flip is going on with Dylan and his in-laws this chapter. Less than a day and it's weird.

Taking a leaf out your mother's book, Miles?

Miles: Neverrrrrrr - *thump*

le minus 5

Mason: Let's never do this again, kid.

Dylan: I didn't mean to sneeze on your back!

Mason: No, I'm talking about the hot oil! But yeah that sneeze was really gross.

Mason: Get away from me and my grandson! You're ill!

Dylan: It isn't my fault you won't change the poor kid.

Mason: He smells fine...or maybe he doesn't, I wouldn't know because of the HOT OIL!

Dylan: That was on your NECK, not your nose glands!

Miles: Right, OK. Uh...shut up, bitch.

Tristan: *cries harder*

Miles: God you two are such little crybabies.

Tosca, just offscreen: We are babies.

Missy you good there?

Missy: I did...not use the proper equipment at the lab today. Lots of fumes.

Mason: Abandoned warehouse? What, need to meet up with your side chick?

Kai:...How do you know about that?

Mason: I was joking. But we have a lot to talk about now, son.

Missy:...Yeah, so I found out today that if you need to trip balls, just come to the lab. I'll invite you if you need it.

Dylan:...I'd rather just, eat my pancakes and all that.

Danika has such a cute sad little face. She's upset about Groot. Maybe she's sad about another sibling dying when she's still young.

Danika: No, I wanted to rub his face in it when I got to be better at being an adult and at life than him! Sigh...at least there's always Lana. And Tamsin, she's a mess. Ooh, and Kai and his child support.

...

Why am I sad again?

Danika: Why HELLO there, new generation of a cursed genetic line that should have died out - I mean, cute sweet babies.

Tosca: *kicks legs* Get away get away get away

Mercy got married again. To this shiny boi right here.

I think he divorced his wife earlier today, good going Mercy. Enjoy being a rebound :).

Bentley: Whoooo, I'm in your mirror blue guy! Whoooo!

Mason: I can't hear any father of mine. All I hear is...trash!

*air horn sounds play in head*

Wish I could have named this baby but I'm ok with the name Tara. 

Missy: Yo, Bents. I liked you well enough when we lived together for like 2 days before you kicked it, but alive people get breakfast priorities!

Miles:...Aaaaand that's how it's done, sis! Maybe I am a pro at this whole thing after all.

Sahara: I mean you know he'll be screaming to be fed in an hour, it's not like you completely took care of him.

Miles: I will be in school. So that will be your problem!

Sari's the only one at home and the kids are quiet for once. She can actually do her daily task and she needs to write jokes for comedy skill.

Sari: What do you call a perpetually single mailman? A Post Malone!

Sari: Waaah, waaah, waaaah! I can't take it anymore!

Honestly, neither.

Danika: I'm sorry! I thought your dumb competition with Kai, and therefore your girl efforts, were over!

Miles: That doesn't mean you can tell the girl I'm talking to 'we don't watch that trash, we're not basic!'

Danika: But come on! Staying Current with the Simdashians? You deserve better than that!

Miles: I just want a date - no, a conversation with a girl - that one of you doesn't end up ruining! Last time Cousin Andrew came up and started talking about that vacation we took! Nobody needed to know about that mess of a weekend!

Thank you Danika!

Miles: Now am I making you uncomfortable enough to just give me that applesauce?

Sahara: Never. I hope you die. I hope you move out and then Mercy kills you.

Miles: Well I'll be safe in here.

Sahara: For two more days.

It's almost his birthday. My bb Miles...I don't wanna say goodbye :(.

Mason: They told me at work I'm 'talented'. Bitch they don't even know the half of it.

They probably don't. Anyway congrats on another promotion, Mason.

 

Miles: Another call, huh sis? Well, your favourite says yes.

Tamsin: Hmmph, you're not my-

Miles: Ohhhh lord save it.

The addition of bikes into this game is so chaotic. Townies are just mowing pregnant women down, left right and centre.

Lucy: That's inaccurate! I swerved!

Stacy: Not enough! If this baby comes out with damage I'm sending your ass the hospital bill.

Tamsin: This place stinks to high heaven.

Miles: Babies. Always babies. And it's about to get worse.

Tamsin: Yeah....I remember when Sari and Kai were both toddlers. What a mess.

Miles: Good thing I'm moving out.

Tamsin: Yeah, come live with - I mean, no, go live with Auntie Lux like Kai did-

Miles, with narrator voice: My father knows everything about cooking, but chooses to cook a single portion of the basic garden salad.

Mason: This is really how you talk to someone wielding knives? OK.

Miles you don't have to be the watcher. I'm the watcher.

Miles: Yeah and you do a real shit job of it.

-_-

Tamsin: Really though bro, how is it raising our idiot sister's idiot kids that she had with another idiot?

Miles:...Get me out of here. Please. I need to live with you.

Tamsin: OK but that doesn't mean you are...

Miles: Seriously? You're seriously making me - fine. I'm not your favourite. Can I live with you anyway?

Tamsin: Sure!

The twins are ageing up!

Tosca is wild and has her mum's hair and eyes, with Summer throwback skin.

Tristan is a charmer and the only visible difference between them so far is that Tristan has black hair and I think a different eye shape? Hopefully the next kid gets Dylan's eyes, I just love that colour.

They're so cute and I love them. I thought they were humans but they are actually mermaids, which is neat.

Tosca: I want to go to BED!

Then go. No-one is stopping you.

Tosca: The DRAGON says no!

Drago: Whoa...leave me out of this one.



Tosca: I demand sleep!

Danika: Then go! I want my sleep too. Damn, I forgot how annoying you little horrors are...your mother was just as bad!



Tristan: I don't WANNA - *zzzzz*

Tosca: I will only sleep if I can curl up like a little pillbug.

Sari: Good enough!

Missy: Wish you'd figured that out before they woke me up! Little brats.

Sari: You think I'm disagreeing with you here?



Tosca just...loves to wake people up.

Miles: Nah, I was already awake. Now what do you want?

Tosca: Food!

Miles: I was thinking you might want that door handle out of your skull...but let's do food. I can do food.

Miles is the only person who actually dealt with the screaming toddler.  <3.



Miles: I mean, I fed her, she threw half the food off the high chair and now she's sleeping in it. I count that as a win.

Missy: You mean you don't scowl at them for waking you up and then storm off?

Miles:...No. I have to ask again, how are all four of us alive?

Mason: Ahem...it's behind you.

Missy: I resent that, Mason.



Tosca: I'm gonna WANDER the great wide world!

Dylan: That's good, sweetie. I'll just have my breakfast and wait, be back in an hour and remember your house key.

Dylan how old do you think she is?



Sari: If I rock hard enough I can forget that my life is complete chaos, and that I'm essentially in charge of two toddlers alone.



Sari: *clucks* See, wouldn't that be a great sound to add into the mix! Ah, when I actually learn how to songwrite, the song is going to be so good!

Dylan: Hell yeah...how many bird calls do you plan to add?

Sari: As many as I am called to!

Yeah they're on another date. I just want to get this aspiration over with.



Miles Oh my God...someone help.

Cristopher: It's totally legit advice! If you don't succeed at first, try, try again!

Miles:...Not when it comes to getting a date! That would be sexual harassment!...Serves me right for talking about this with some shiny in-law.



Sari: OR I could *dolphin noises*

Dylan: That's hot, Sari. You really are the woman of my dreams. Wanna go round 2?

Sari: Shhhh I'm in the zone! *more dolphin noises*



Tristan: Grandma? Are you gonna...actually help me?

Missy: Shush, I'm just gonna cuddle you and think happy thoughts...definitely not about my idiot coworker. If you ever mansplain science to your superior at the lab, I'm disowning you.

Tristan:...Good to know. Bathtime?

I regret sending Sari to work.



Dylan: Hey, it's been awhile. Don't you go breaking your curfew when you wander now!

Miles: Why can't she walk properly yet? I knew you and my sister would produce idiots.

Tosca: I'm two!! 

Eb died D:. RIP you weirdo. May you be less pissed-off and done in the afterlife. Sorry you never got to see grandkids.

*coughs in Andrew's direction*



Miles: Seriously Dad?

Mason: I'm grieving? *head hits the floor*

Sigh. -5.



Miles: I know she's still absolutely filthy and you were here first...but get out. I need to piss and can't be bothered to go downstairs.

Sari: Repeat after me, Tosca. Uncle Miles is an asshole.

Tosca: Uncle Miles asshole!

Miles: Don't teach your kids that.

Sari: Don't kick me out of the bathroom when there's two perfectly good ones downstairs!



We never met Ebony's husband even once, so I don't really care about him, but I do care about the fact that the second Eb died he moved onto another woman.

Like he did with Eb when his first wife died.

Oh also, the other woman is Dylan's baby mama. What a lovely family. I'm sure gatherings are gonna go great.

Danika: For fuck's sake. My nephew is an idiot.

Dylan: Yeah...this is not ideal. It wouldn't be weird to share with him though, would it?

Danika: Yes it would. Either wake him up or sleep in one of the three spare beds.



Tosca: I don't WANT to sleep. I want to play!

Dylan: Listen it's 2am and I think I can see sounds, please just - oh what the fuck.

Tristan: RIIIIISE - yeah I'm a bit hot under here. And the covers kind of smell like that mud puddle I fell in. Couldn't someone have given me bathtime?

Dylan: *sigh* Sariiiii...a little help?

Sari: *asleep in the pool*

Kai's second (?) baby was born. And Felix's daughter gave birth. My mum picked her name.



Lux's son aged up into a teen. He's very cute but his looks just remind me that Lux married her second cousin, because he's got Ashby/Quinton/Ida throwback features that are lowkey uncomfortable.



Dylan: This kid is driving me nuts.

It's four am right now, FYI.

Tosca: I will never sleep!



Missy's been grilling up a storm lately.

Missy: Yeah and don't get on my ass about it, it's not like Sari's been cooking.

She has not. Too busy. I was actually gonna say good for you, you salty fool.



Uncle Miles is not a total asshole.

Miles: Whee! Yeah, look at you go, you're like a lil helicopter!

Tristan: Heli-cotter!

Miles: You're not so bad!

I mean, maybe, but you also got a full night's sleep last night, Miles.



Fat sigh.

Tosca: My daddy is a life failure.

Somewhat, but this was your fault. If you'd just let him put you to bed instead of rebelling and napping, which confused his AI, he would have been fine.

Dylan: *snore, dribble*



Mason: How am I so old? Eb dead, me on the cusp of elderhood...it's gone too fast.

He's taken his sister's death really hard, poor thing.



Mason: *sniff* Ebony loved to clear dishes...

Pretty sure that was Aaliyah.



Sari: Morning horrors, oh don't try to slap me now! I'm too fast for that.

Tristan: I don't wanna be a horror! :(.

Tosca: I don't care! *tries to kick*

Tosca's the truly annoying one. Tristan just wants to be loved.

Also, morning? It's 1pm.



Miles got FIRED from school. I think this might be an MCCC glitch, because he was on a B. He should have just been demoted to a C.

Anyway both of these two are sad as per usual.



At least he's growing up today.

Miles: Wooo! Time to leave and not raise my sister's kids anymore! I am OFF.

Mason: Pls no, we're gonna die without you. Do you see what Danika does for them?

Miles: Yeah, nothing. Not my problem anymore though.

Don't go Miles.



Anyway, here is Miles. He is now Romantic, Family Oriented and Loves the Outdoors, with the gardening aspiration. And he gets to be dressed like your outdoorsy, embarrassing dad straight from YAhood.



Oh and here are some spare children.

Left to right: Dale, Aaliyah and her husband Jorge's only son, their adopted daughter Mikayla, and Lux and her second cousin's son Hector.

Next time, Sahara will be getting knocked up again, and the twin terrors will age up and be less horrible. Hopefully.

Score Sheet- 640

Single Births (31) +155

Twin Births (5) +50

Aspiration Tiers (92) +460

Aspiration (15) +150

Grade A (8) +40

Randomising everything for 1 gen (6) +60 

Not using spare's satisfaction points (7) +70

Every 100,000 simoleons (31) +620

Immortalise TH (2) +10 

Autonomous Skill Max (2) +20

Pass Out (132) -660

Self Wetting (38) -190

Fires (16) -160