Vela: I knew these usurpers would ruin my life! Is this job of cleaning toddler waste really befitting of me?
Pollux: Well at least you didn't have to watch 'em...ahem, excrete the waste, Vel.
Vela: *growl* Birthriiiight...
Pollux: Gahdamn I am so not in the mood for this.
Masato: Deanna, my dear. You are even more beautiful blossoming with child, and I am thrilled to be invited in -
Deanna: *sigh* You really don't get it, do you Masato? I invited you thinking you'd reject me.
Masato: Now why would I do that, my love?
Deanna: Because I'm obviously about to do THIS!
Masato: At least...I'm getting a good view...
Yeah so when I said I fixed her dark form, I did not fix her dark form sleepwear.
Masato: Why couldn't you have been my son?
Dipper: Uh...I mean I'm pretty cool and independent but stranger danger! Of course I'm not scared, it's for Eirene. She might get scared.
Eirene: *snore*
Felix: Dude. What the fuck are you doing. That's a messed up way to interact with children, and that is me saying that.
Pollux: Uh...hey Valerie.
Valerie: Call me Val! After all we see each other every day!
Pollux: Yeah because you wait outside my locker every...oh whatever, how did you find my house?
Valerie: I looked in the office records, silly! It's amazing what you can do when you help out the principal!
Deanna: Be blue, be blue, be blue...
Yes! Please succeed. It's all on you, kidlet.
Well not really. Felix still has a while to live, But I'd rather not produce more children.
Anyway, this one is Mercury. And he is obviously blue like Felix so hopefully he's a damn success.
Pollux: Sick of this shit, can I move out yet?
Mmm...your birthday's tomorrow. You can move out then, I guess. Dipper will be a child and two toddlers will be a breeze compared with what we dealt with earlier this generation.
Vela:...Stop staring at me. You have brown eyes, I'm still the closest match.
Eirene: But what of our other brother?
Vela: Let me think about that first.
Felix: Hey son.
Aldebaran: Hey dad.
Felix: So...how's your life?
*cricket noises*
Felix: Computers are where they were, and nobody's on 'em, go nuts.
Aldebaran: Oh thank God.
Aldebaran: Hey, we've had a lot of additions to Team Blue lately, huh?
Vela: Stop, do you want to die? Because I'm really not happy today.
Deanna: You have to learn to take a hint, son. Come on now.
Aldebaran: I still think me and Vel have a special bond!
Vela: Well now I want to kill you more than the others. And only Pollux gets to call me Vel, thanks.
Deanna: HA! I knew you really loved him.
For someone who Hates Children Tucana is sure having kids.
Not sure about this guy, his face looks off.
Dipper: Oh finally, sustenance. It's a hard knock life around here.
Deanna: Let the dark power return to meeee...!
Deanna maxed painting. My girl is so talented <3.
Deanna: And now it's time for another one of these little monsters to get out of my hair.
Dipper: OW, my eyes!
Deanna: Ew son you smell really bad, get in the shower.
Dipper: But my eyes!
Deanna: But my heightened vampire senses! Shower now!
Dipper is a bookworm with the Scamp aspiration. He is a vampire and very cute. Reminds me a blue vampiric version of his bro Orion.
Felix: Once again I am surrounded by children...I'mma strangle one if I hit ten. TEN!
Vela: Ah. In your new form. Pollux said we had to have a fight to the death once you evolve once more.
Dipper:...Morning to you too, guys.
Pollux: Hey I never said you had to. I just said you could.
Deanna: Why do my children only talk about cursed shit.
Eirene: Heh, you might have outgrown me but you still gotta clean up after me!
Deanna: Yeah, I ain't doing it. It's like a slip-n-slide in here...just a little accident.
Dipper: Well this is bullshit.
Deanna: Dear daughter-in-law. You can't give me grandchildren, but you can give me something.
Eirene: Zzz...well this is fucked up...zzz
Deanna: Well I know I wasn't just sitting in mud so...yeah we've got that muddy water glitch again.
Dipper: Oh GOD! My mother's naked!
Deanna: You came out of this body, Dipper.
Holy shit Pollux is a bad cook.
Pollux: No, I can do better, I just didn't want to make my own birthday cake!
Fair enough, now grow up and leave.
Deanna: I know you resent not getting to be heir. Well, you can still be special, dear. Just finish with those candles.
Vela: OK, fine, whatever.
Pollux: Christ Mum, I was trying to eat over here!
Deanna: *hiss* *slurp*
Vela: Sooo...coool...
And that was them gone. Pollux will probably get turned later. I was gonna have De do it now but she didn't have enough vamp energy left. Both of them gained the Hates Children trait. I think the only grown-up kids who don't have it are Orion and Alsephina.
Orion: Oh, there you are Minnie. I didn't know you were coming over.
Minerva: I thought our mother invited you.
Orion: Nah, I asked Vela if I could come hang. We don't have a pool back at our place.
Minerva: I really don't remember the last few hours anyhow.
Orion: Don't worry dear that's the dementia. Let's just relax.
Deanna: Oh, Felix.
Felix: De, baby, you always make me-
Orion:...Actually, I'm out. Bye fuckers.
Deanna: You hear something?
Felix: Naaaah.
Dipper: Shit, all that damage for one plate of tacos, huh?
Felix: Don't tell your mother!
Dipper: Who else would it have been? Me? Eirene?
Felix: How much do I have to pay you to come up with a story for that?
Dipper: Tsk tsk.
Aldebaran's baby mama had their witchy son.
Deanna: Oh, Mercury, I heard you all the way up there. What do you need?
Mercury, deadpan: Well now I am not telling you.
Eirene: *solemnly dances* Vela told me this was a funeral rite.
Deanna:...No, he's fine. That's good right?
Eirene: Sure.
Deanna: Was that on me?
Hm. We will never know. RIP queen, glad Orion was around to be your boytoy in your elder years.
Deanna: Yeah yeah, another failure, I'll get Felix in bed and do this hell again-
WELL.
Look at him. Actually look at the kid.
Deanna: You're six kids too late for that. I ran out of fucks years ago.
Fair enough.
Anyway this little mf better have green eyes or I'm deleting the whole legacy.
Wish granted! Everybody meet our new heir Mercury, who is currently silly. He is very cute and also a vampire. Jury's out on whether I'll cure him though.
Aaaaaaa finally. It's Week 7.
I decided a while ago that this challenge will likely only run 5 generations. So until one of Felix's descendants breeds a Gen 6 heir.
Eirene: *shudder* I never get used to that. Still freaky as hell.
Deanna: Yeah but it gets me to work real quick!
And that's precisely where she went, which whisked Eirene and Mercury off to daycare, and left Dipper at home until his father gets here.
At 7pm.
Felix is back now. Dipper's been good :).
Felix: Where's Mercury? Oh, he's gone?
Mercury: I'm here idiot, you put me on your back! Way to forget your heir-
Felix: Shush, let me dream.
Sorry Mercury. I just didn't want you to starve.
...Seriously they do not take good care of you at daycare.
The Al twins are having kids. Second for Aldebaran, first for Alsephina.
Dipper:...Sis do you mind? I kinda need to shower.
Eirene: You can.
Dipper: I mean...leave the room.
Eirene: Hey, I'm hiding too. Mercury is a spoiled little disaster.
Mercury: Acceptable. But try harder for your saviour.
Deanna: Hey, I'll have you know I worked very hard for 2 minutes on that PB&J....
Mercury: Hey there mister. I'm my parents' blessing! They call me Mercury.
Marcus: Aw, you are a cute little thing. Nearly as cute as your fine mother over there.
He came over 'in the pink', the flirty old bastard.
Mercury: This is innaprop-wiate.
Marcus: Uh, no. I didn't come here to be lunch, I came here for dat ass.
Deanna: But - what - how?
Aldebaran: Heh, nice try Mum.
Deanna: Nice of you to join us, son. Come here now.
Aldebaran: *laughs nervously* I'm in danger.
Yes.
Later...
Aldebaran, in the nursery: Mummy why.
Mercury: I demand attention!
Deanna: Well even though your father's off work, it's two of you and one of me, give me a second.
Felix: High score, high score, high scooooore.
Eirene: What's wrong with the men in this family?
Deanna: Now now sweetie, don't talk like that...they can hear you.
Mercury: Hey!
Deanna: Pollux. Love. You're the only one who can keep your sister in check-
Pollux: Who, Seph? Nah, I'm kidding Mum. I know what you're talking me. Just turn me.
Deanna: Ow ...OW! You want to kill the woman who gave you life, hm?
Pollux: *heavy slurping*
Dipper:...I do not even want to know.
Tucana married this person who I am 90% sure is the brother of her current baby daddy. That baby daddy also got married.
Eirene: Birthday!
Deanna: Eight down, one to go. I'll get you next, Mercury.
Eirene: Well, I'm out!
She's good, with the Scamp aspiration. I think she takes after her mother but I can't really tell from here.
Deanna: This situation sums up our marriage, doesn't it? No wonder work says I've lost my sense of romance.
Felix: *sings off-key*
Deanna: Sigh, I'll clean up the puddles, meet me once you're done.
Felix: Ah, requisite romance. I'll be there, wife.
Mercury: Wow. Being fed with mush, Is this any way to treat the-
Deanna, yelling from somewhere: You're our ninth kid, do NOT be this annoying. We have negative patience at this point.
*camera pans*
Vela: This was not part of the deal, what the fuck Mum?!
Vela: But this. Yes, this is cool.
I love this dark form for her. I'll make a few tweaks, but I like this vibe.
It was still light so she was quickly invited inside to be trained.
Deanna: Wait...what the-
Vela: Yes. Your powers are failing. And I will be the strongest.
Deanna: Ugh, it's an off day. You try running around after a spoiled princeling 24/7.
Vela: Dad still being an A+ father, I see.
Eirene: Hiding from Merc, or-
Dipper: Eh. Kind of. He was trying to watch me pee so I had to throw him out and now I'm afraid. I live on the ground now.
Eirene: Maybe we should yeet him more often. Maybe he'll land on his head and that sucker'll deflate!
Deanna: Seriously, why are my children so weird?
Eirene: Bathroom club?
Dipper: I find staring at the sink pipes very inspiring for my English homework.
Deanna:...Whatever. Can't you two be the dishes club and do the damn dishes every so often?
Mercury: Hello sibbies.
Eirene: Aaaaaaand I'm outtie.
Dipper: Ohh, but my inspiration...alas I must stay.
Eirene: Well. Thanks for taking the L. I'm OUT!
Vela: Can't believe I'm reading to the little usurper...at least I'm a vampire and he's-
Mercury: Also vampire. Born a vampire.
Vela: *twitch*
Felix: This job is bullshit, they don't respect me, etc etc etc
Nobody respects you at home either.
Felix: Which is even more bullshit!
He got a promotion tho.
Dina: Right Deanna, I'm here and what the fuck?
Deanna: It's OK, you can go home if you like, I don't need you. Or not. Whatever, I'm busy!
Aldebaran: Come on Mum...
Deanna: Sigh. You need to stop showing up when I'm hungry, son.
Pollux got a woman pregnant. Her face later loaded and she looks pretty.
Prettier than Tucana's husband tbh.
Also, the vampire twins dislike children, so good luck to him. Funny that the Hates Children cohort is leading the two who don't hate kids in terms of actual kids produced.
Deanna started reading the second vampire book at 9pm, she was at about Level 6. It's 2am now and she is on the last book and Level 13. Child of the Moon buff for the win.
Like an hour later she maxed the skill. That's her third after Logic and Painting.
Tucana had her second child. My parents named her Dora.
Deanna: Ready for an adventure?
Dipper: Aw come on Mum, he knows about the bat form already-
Deanna: Who said anything about a bat form?
Deanna: This wasn't the plan!
Mercury: This is not how you treat the heir!
Dipper: HOLY SHIT-
Eirene: It's not that many dishes, calm down.
Dipper: Look behind you!
Siobhan: GODDAMMIT, WHY DEANNA-
Mercury: Nope, keep teaching me.
Felix: Well thank you for ruining my day off, Mercury.
Mercury: Tis a pleasure.
Really Felix, you thought I would let you have a day off doing nothing?
Deanna: Felix keep a good grip on him, he's the key to your legacy, and my uterus closed itself off the second he aged up.
Felix: Oh God I don't wanna have another child.
Deanna: Were you pregnant all those times?
Felix: I'll shut up.
Oh look, it's Pollux's turn. He can stay outside though, it's night time and he'll live.
Orion and Pollux both got married. The guys in this family are going for blondes lately, it seems.
Mercury: I demand to be played with!
Deanna: Ooooh, if you weren't the most important child in this family you'd be in trouble.
Mercury: Except...
Deanna: Sigh, yes, you're the heir and the prince and the closer of my womb, so I have to be nice and all, blah blah blah.
Eirene: So. How's it feel being second best?
Dipper: Better than being third-best. Or fourth-best if we count Vela.
Eirene: We don't have to count Vela. She's...a lot.
Dipper: Those threats she whispered to us still appear in my dreams.
Dina: Why...did I return here?
Deanna: Yeah considering what was happening last time you're pretty fucking stupid. Eh, you'll be a nice lunch.
Mercury: Oh siblings! One of you is gonna have to clean up once I'm done.
Eirene: It's not gonna be me.
Dipper: Well it's not gonna be me.
Eirene:...Rock paper scissors?
Honestly, these two have a great relationship. They have nothing to do so have been chatting all day. It's nice.
Dipper: Well I'm swinging now, sis, so if you wanna swing with me you have to come now.
Deanna: Sometimes I wonder how we ended up together. Than I look at your face and remember that you're smoking-
Felix: Yeah I wonder the same. Especially since you lost the baby weight.
Deanna: Motherf-
Eirene: Dipper? I changed my mind, I'll come play outside.
Good call Eirene.
Felix: I mean, only because I can sweep you off your feet!
Deanna: OW, FELIX-
Vela got married to this...person I guess. I thought Vela would pick someone with more personality.
Vela: Yeah but that person wouldn't be so easy to...bend to my will.
Vela: And at least I'm not Pollux.
Pollux: FUCK
Next time, Mercury becomes a child, and Dipper becomes a teenager. It's a few more weeks until Gen 2 takes over, and I can't wait.
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