Fiji: See, I don't think you're a bastard at all, Honduras! Well, at least not in the insult sense. Heh heh heh.
Elin: Round 2?
Mortimer: Yeah, OK.
Romance!
Elin: Hmmm. OK, time to go now. Thank you. Let's never be romantic again.
Mortimer: This has been the weirdest damn afternoon of my life.
Elin: I get that a lot. Bye bye now!
Elin: Eyes up here, Mister.
Gunther: Are you preg-
Elin: My belly didn't fully shrink yet, Gunther. All these babies are taking a toll. Now come on, let's celebrate the birth of our new son!
At like 2am...
Elin: I am actually pregnant now though.
Gunther: You look the same as before.
Elin: No I don't. Ready for a new child?
Gunther: No, you just had the last one.
Elin: Lol neither am I.
Fiji: Yknow, I was happy that the house was finally quiet. Then you birthed your next squalling atrocity. And now you're having another. In conclusion, thanks for ruining my life, Mum,
Fiji your life was ruined the second you were born in this house.
Fiji:...True.
Elin: This bitch thinks I care.
That's your daughter.
Elin: I said what I said, don't @ me.
Gunther is trying to take an interest in Guatemala's life.
Mala: I wish he wouldn't.
Gunther: Sooo...what's good, kiddo? How are we hanging today?
Mala: Me and Blarffy need you to leave, Gunther. Go run into walls or whatever you do most of the time. I wish to be alone!
Fiji: Aw, Honduras. You're gonna be in this house a long-ass time! Ooh boy you're gonna suffer!
Honduras: I am? So why are you so happy?
Fiji: You ain't seen nothing yet. Have you met our mother?
Honduras: Just the weird man in the glasses. Think that's my dad.
Fiji: Lol nah.
Mala: Why are you repeating our mother's mistakes.
Cambodia: Shut the hell up kid, your hand is literally buried in the sink pipes.
Ray: What? I've heard things around town and Ray needs a piece of that!
Douchebag. But hey, Elin deserves him.
Elin: Hey!
Elin: You're pretty stupid. I like you! Call you in a bit! Oh, and a quick note, don't show up without notice. My husband is a jealous man.
Ray: Oh, I can relate, doll, my wife's totally-
Elin: Did I ask? No, seriously, did I ask you, Ray? I hope you know that I'm the one in control here!
Bos is here too!
Bosnia: Hey, don't worry about the baby raisin'! Just lock them in a room with food, a bucket and a very violent war game - and go about your life!
Cam: Uhhhh...jeez Bos, even Mum wasn't that bad.
Literally a full day later because nothing happens here with only 2 kids and a baby in the house...
Fiji: Mmmmmmmm tastes good.
Mala: Gonna ignore how uncomfortable you licking your hand is.
Fiji: Chocolate's chocolate, Mala.
Fiji: Don't you have anything else to do? You're kinda creepy, kid.
Mala: Hey we both live here, we're both messed up.
Mala: But at least you chilled out since all our other siblings moved out.
Fiji: Yeah. Like I'm not ALL that, you know. I'll fuck a bitch up if I need to, but I'm not looking for a fight, I'm looking for a dance floor. But I knew from the day I was born that I had to look like I could kill em all.
Mala: Aw. Well. Thank you for confiding in me.
Fiji: You better be strong too, kid. All signs point to another baby explosion a la Cam, Den, Dji and Egypt. So get ready.
Mala:...Great.
Elin: Right, time for you to get really annoying, Honduras.
Here he is! He's a very cute kid, and a wild little bean at that.
Honduras: Oh God what have I been born into?
...Something. It's something alright.
Fiji: Hm. It grew up. Tell it good luck from me.
Gunther: Ugh, add my regards too.
Fiji: No, you're telling him. You don't need to add anything, Gunther, you troglodyte.
Honduras:...I can hear all of you. What's wrong with this house?
Cambodia had her twins the next morning.
Elin: A whole new cohort of children to bend and shape to my will!
Didn't work out too well for you with your last lot. But at least you're excited about the babies.
Gunther: Oh. Hi kid.
Honduras: Mum went out! So play flashcards with me!
Gunther: I mean alright, but why is your mum out - *sigh* I just hope this lot are mine.
Honduras: Nobody owns me.
Gunther: Yeah yeah, kid. Get on the floor and let's do some cards.
Ray: Heya, dollface. You have a big breakfast or something.
Elin: Hm. You're so simple.
Fiji: Mum's still Mum, huh?
Yup.
100%.
Ray: Daaaamn gal you use some nice tasting lipgloss.
Elin: Please, you look like you eat enough.
How are you two talking?
Honduras: Y'all hear something?
Gunther: No. I 100% do not. Definitely not. I hear nothing.
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
Egypt, somewhere: What? What river? What do you want, leave me alone.
Gunther: Um. Who is this.
Elin: See what I mean? He does get jealous, bless him. But don't worry, Gunther, Ray is simply an acquaintance. He was just leaving, weren't you?
Ray: Uh, yeah girl. Yeah.
Honduras: Hehehe I'm hanging on!
Gunther: Owwww did someone sharpen this kid's nails into talons? What the hell is this? Ow!
Elin: Hah.
Gunther: For the love of God please just shit, so we can both leave, I'm begging you-
Elin: Ow, my back-
Fiji: Aw Mother, your affair baby is just excited!
Elin: Shhhshhshshsh!
Fiji: Doesn't he-?
Elin: Yeah, we are very excited to have a baby, right Gunther? RIGHT?
Gunther:...Yeah.
Honduras: Someone needs to tell me what's up or I'm gonna hold it in forever.
Baby I is coming! How are we feeling, El?
Elin: I feel great, just did three shots of whiskey, let's go.
Everybody meet India!
India: GOD that was a scary journey.
Elin: Hello darling. We're going to have a lot of fun together, aren't we?
India: I think I just pooped.
Gunther: OH GOD there's another baby!
She was literally born two hours ago calm your tits.
Gunther: WHAT TITS.
Oh my God.
OK because no pictures got taken cos of how small and boring the family is right now we're extending this chapter until India ages up. Baby J will be conceived tomorrow morning and then we'll have a 'J+K'chapter ending when K is born.
Unless the game throws multiples at me which...I hope not.
Elin: I thought you'd be happy to be moving out today, Fij.
Fiji: Yeah but I'm gonna miss Mala. I'll love being away from the rest of you, but Mala's aight.
Mala: I'll miss you too, Fiji. You're a nice and fun sister anyway.
Elin: God my current children are weak. Good thing I'm having a shit-ton of new ones.
Ray: So, what's the haps, sweet thang? We're in the house today? Lemme guess, husband on a work trip?
Elin: Nah he's outside doing gardening 'n shit. I'll let you in our bedroom.
Ray: Hell yeaaah.
Gunther: You need a bath, lil guy.
Honduras: Mum needs a bath. To wash away her sins.
Gunther: Well yes, there is all the petty crime, hacking, emotional torture, plain old cruelty...
Honduras:...Well I didn't mean ALL of that.
Gunther: So what did you mean?
Honduras: I dunno. Fiji said it and i thought it sounded cool.
I think I know why Fiji said that.
Ray: Y'know, dollface, I thought you'd have all your pretty lil clothes in there! But what's with all the boxes with warning labels?
Elin: Uh...doesn't concern you. If you have any weird symptoms go to the Oasis Springs Lab.
Ray:...Aight, doesn't matter, still got it.
Elin: Sure. Now get out. I hear my husband downstairs with our other baby.
Ray: Well shit what do you want me to do, girl, jump out the window?
Elin: Maybe?
Ray: Awwww shit, I think I hear him, ohhh fuck you gotta get out now Ray-Ray!
Honduras: Weeeeee!
Gunther: Elin? Is that you? You got a cold? Or a new accent?
Honduras: Wow that's not sounding like Mum at all.
Honduras: Hm, my Mummy is a no-good hoe...but she is WAY too scary to tell on.
Yeah, you're all caught up now, kid.
Ray: I guess you couldn't get enough, huh honey?
Elin: Nah, I'm just not pregnant yet!
Ray: You're not what now?!
Elin: I mean...yeah, of course I couldn't. You're irresistible!
Gunther: Hey babe, Honduras is all happy downstairs, do you wanna...y'know. Get bizzay?
Elin: Oh God, don't say it like that!
Elin, come on. Time to pull your usual con. You haven't taken the test yet so it shouldn't even be hard to do it.
Elin, whisper-hissing at me: I just had sex in a closet twice in a row, don't even-
Gunther: What's that?
Elin: Let's do it. But seriously, don't say 'bizzay'.
Gunther: Yes ma'am!
India: Waaaaah I'm being traumatised.
I've only shown the one, but Elin's been rolling a few of whims for Ray. Maybe she secretly likes him and his tendency to not be scared of her at all.
He would 100% be her main sidepiece if she wasn't busy with all the other sidepieces and their offspring.
Elin: Oh please, I don't need that weird hick around.
Your whims say otherwise.
Elin: Whatever. Oh yeah, and I'm officially pregnant again. Yay.
Yay indeed.
Fiji: Haha! I think it's time for me to go now!
Mala: Oh fuck you.
Don't worry Mala you don't have much longer here.
Yeah, so they're ageing up now. As we rid ourselves of one teen we gain another, which is helpful because there are about to be quite a few babies in the house.
Mala: Shit.
Fiji: Haha!
Mala: Get out of my way Fiji! I know you're salty I went first but once I'm done, you can be done too!
Fiji: Hey kid, I'm the only one who even cares about your birthday. Look at our mother over there.
Elin: Awww. They're so convinced I don't care. And I don't! Music to my ears.
Here's YA Fiji. She added the Geek trait to Loves Outdoors and Dance Machine. I think she grew up cute! She's gonna move in with Bosnia.
Bosnia: HEY, no fair.
Tough luck. Maybe someone'll take her off your hands soon.
Elin: *snicker* Yeah right, nobody's gonna wanna marry her.
Fiji: Thanks for the birthday wishes, Mum, I had a great one! *eyeroll*
Mala's new outfit has a zoom-out glitch. But that's OK.
Gunther: Please wear something else this is scaring Honduras.
Honduras: No.
Gunther: Fine, it's scaring me.
Mala: Don't tell me what to do Gunther you're not even my real dad.
Much better. Anyway, Guatemala here aged up with the Materialistic trait, and the Mansion Baron aspiration.
Gunther: -and that's when she said 'I have space dinosaurs and I can and will sic them on you'; that's when I knew I loved your mother. Or that I probably couldn't leave. Either one.
Honduras: Can I please just go to sleep.
Honduras: No seriously, I want to go to sleep!
Mala: But I have to keep watch over you, I do not trust Mum and Gunther.
Gunther: Hey, all I've done is help raise you little shits!
Mala: And just look at how most of us turned out.
Elin: I'm sorry I called you an uninspired fuckwit. And made that joke about your mother. And convinced the kids to disrespect you.
Gunther: What about fathering those kids from other men throughout this marriage?
Elin: We don't have to talk about that now, do we? Ugh, anyway, I felt bad so I'm just gonna offer myself up as a little apology treat. Look. I'm already knocked up. You can't get me more knocked up. So why not?
Gunther:...Oh, fine.
And then India immediately started crying.
India: CAN YOU NOT
Egypt married Gunther's side piece. So she's off-limits now I suppose.
Kristina:...I mean at least this guy's a vampire. This would have been teenage me's ideal outcome.
Honduras: Swim into my mouth, fishy tacos! What smells so bad?
That would be you. I need to get better at this childcare thing.
Mala: Should Honduras be going out on his own like that? I mean...there's a road, and Gunther using Garden tools...
Elin: Not to worry dear. He'll be fine. And if he's not, then he is weak and will be replaced in due time.
Mala: Sometimes I wonder how any of us are alive.
Elin: Oh GOD I'm gonna hurl-
Mala: Wh- why are you stabbing your latest foetus? Is this another one of your tests? Y'know, I'm almost glad Gunther raised us.
Elin: Take that *retch* back!
Elin: Just playing chess with Other Me. I know exactly how to torture that bitch if she loses! I mean...I know what I'd hate!
What if you lose though?
Elin: We're not thinking about that, Watcher dear.
That's Elin. She's still Erratic/Insane.
Gunther: *is too depressed to have any other kind of shower*
Honduras: Someone? Anyone? Get a hammer!
Gunther: *stares into the void*
Gunther: Ah, Little India. You really do cry a lot.
India: Because I know what I've been born into!
Gunther: Huh. That makes sense, can't begrudge you, kid.
Wow. Gunther is such a great father. Still the best parent any kid in this house is gonna have.
India:...*cries harder*
Mala: This suits me hella well! I'm actually able to work in peace!
Far cry from the six-person homework sessions we were having just a few chapters ago.
Mala: Oh I know. I was part of those. *shudder*
Gunther: I thought you hated it here.
Fiji: Oh I still do. But I wanna go laugh at the remaining kids for still being here. Suckers.
Gunther:..How bored are you? Job-hunting not going so well I suppose.
Fiji: Shut up little man.
India:...Can't I go back?
Gunther: It is way too late for that. Good luck, that's all I can say.
She got the Wild trait like her big brother Honduras.
Right. Like I said, the update ends here, and next time Elin is going to birth babies J and K.
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