Mason: I feel like I'm facing this family's certain doom.
Danika: Oh, 100%.
Miles: And of course my family ruins the outdoors by bringing this stranger.
Andrew Avery (Ebony's son): OK, 1. I am family, you just don't remember me because you were a whiny little tot last time Uncle Mason invited me over, and 2. I don't wanna be here either.
Sahara: Ugh, Dad, you didn't even give me time to pack my iPod!
Tamsin: Hey at least you had time to change your clothes.
Kai: Phase 1 of my plan involves you, Cousin Andy.
Danika: Again, you're not gonna do anything Kai, and we all know it.
Missy: Damn I already miss my bed.
Mason: I regret this already.
Missy: This is my nightmare. Literally. I had a nightmare about this exact situation last night. It's like I knew that today I was going to go to hell.
Sari: Mhm, yes, I'm suuuure you sold machetes to everybody staying here. Mhm, totally, yeah I'm just gonna go with my original plan of stealing a radio and not worrying about what anyone might do to me.
Tamsin: It's your funeral, sis. I don't care.
Kai: God you two are pathetic. The plans that can be made here! The possibilities! Plants that look similar to each other, but one is poisonous. Such fun.
Ranger one week from retirement: At least one of you kids is interested in the outdoors, I suppose.
Andrew: Wow. This vacation is already terrible. Did I want to go? No. Did Mum literally force me into Uncle Mason's hired minivan? Yes. Am I standing in the middle of the woods talking to myself and hoping my crazy cousins don't off me before I graduate? Yes. What is my life?
Miles: Thanks for taking me to the woods, Dad!
Mason: You're welcome son, I knew you would enjoy it but-
Miles: It's the first good thing you've done for me my whole life!
Mason: OK, listen kid, your mother and I changed your shitty nappies, don't start now-
Miles: The full lyric is 'don't start caring about me now'. You're lucky I'm giving you the chance.
Andrew: Goddamn it kid, I just missed my shot because of you!
Kai: You haven't made a single one, Cousin Andy. I know because I've been watching.
Andrew: You're so creepy.
Kai: Now, now, none of that. Instead, let's have a little competition.
Andrew: Lighter fluid is FUN!
Kai: He dares turn my wager down? He'll get what's coming to him.
Sari: Would you please stop distracting me? I am trying to get over the lack of my iPod by playing a good game of horseshoes!
Kai: Rather like Andrew, sis, you were never going to make that shot.
Sari: You're not doing any better, you little brat!
And of course, we've got the requisite child who won't sleep in a tent despite the fact that there is definitely space. Only Missy and Danika are in the tents right now.
Miles: Mum snores. And Danika? Well she's just freaky.
Tamsin: Fuck off, dude. I'm already stuck out in the woods with my family - sans my actual clothes - and I'm covered in mosquito bites because of the swimwear, and the toilets here smell really-
Bear: Hey, young lady, I'll hear you out. But don't go being rude-
Tamsin: I was ABOUT to say that I don't need a goddamn furry cornering me on top of all the other crap!
Miles is off hiking by himself.
Miles: Oh, to live out here forever...!
Meanwhile, Kai braves the toilets.
Kai: Oh God I can smell the toilet block from over here. Or maybe it's just that dude.
(It is)
Julio: It's a medical condition!
Mason: Well, there's bedrolls in the tent.
Missy: Is this a joke? I. Want. My. Damn. Bed!
Andrew: Please stop talking about Katy Perry.
Sari: But her music is so interesting!
Ranger: -and that's how you identify nightshade.
Tamsin: Wow. There's people lamer than my parents. Never thought it was possible.
Mason: Fishing rod, don't fail me now. I almost forgot what it was like to hold you!
Mason is getting back onto his actual aspiration of Angling Ace. He needs 3.5 more fishing levels, and 4 more unique catches. Hopefully we can make a lot of progress on this trip.
Miles: I know that shower is pretty gross, but at least don't sit by me, OK?
Kai: No, shut up! I need to tell you all about Mercy's Machetes! I did it! Nobody will believe me.
Miles: Eh. Maybe it's your 'outdoor musk', so to speak.
Tamsin: A vacation is not going to make me see the meaning of life or anything. You know that, right?
Yeah, of course. This is all for my own amusement.
Tamsin: Huh. Well, I respect that a lot more!
Danika: *grumble grumble* You would think that as a ghost I wouldn't have to shower. I can deal at home but here? God it reminds me how stupid that is.
Nobuya: *grumble grumble* Why wouldn't my wife listen, I knew these woods were haunted.
Kai: Now that Mercy's Machetes is set up, and it almost entirely runs itself...I think I need a new purpose. Ugh. Now I understand how Tamsin feels. I never wanted to understand feelings!
Miles:...Should I be worried about you following me, Mister?
Akito: Oh, not at all boy. I'm just worried about YOU. After all, you are six years old and wandering off into the woods by yourself. Of course I shall watch over you.
Miles: Fine but if you break your brittle hip I'm abandoning your old weak ass.
Andrew: I hoped that it was a nightmare. But nope, I woke up and I'm still stuck out here with you lot.
Miles: Oh, the company isn't stellar. But you should appreciate the outdoors, they are truly peaceful and lovely-
Andrew: As if, last night's shower left me with two bug bites on my ass!
Miles: HA.
Ranger: So...I guess they're not teaching y'all to keep clean anymore, are they?
Tamsin: Shut up, it's not my fault my idiot ghost of a great-aunt has been hogging the shower!
Ranger: Oh, that's a sweet story. Look, little lady, there's a lot who can't hack the shower out here, don't be ashamed.
Miles: *zzz* Would rather die than share a tent with my family *zzz*
Sari, with new lipstick because her other one was bothering me: This sucks. No iPod. Nothing but these back-woods and my family. I wanna listen to Draaaake.
Oh stop whining. Aren't you supposed to be cheerful?
Sari: Eh. Not feeling it. But then again, I'm not my sister. I'll do my best.
Missy: I'm never going to forgive your father for this.
Tamsin: That's easy, go back in time and never respect or like him in the first place!
Missy: Well then you wouldn't exist, little girl!
Tamsin: Lol like I'd care about that. Birth is a curse and existence is a prison, right? That's my motto!
Missy: Where did we go wrong?
Tamsin: Should I answer that?
Sahara: Buzz off, kid, I'm playing my tunes in my head to get through the damn weekend.
Miles: But Sari! The wind in the trees, the buzz of the bugs-
Sahara: They bite. And I tried this 'nature is music' crap a while ago. I've come to the conclusion that nothing beats the sweet sound of an 808.
Mason: Cook, my eggy fruits of nature! Cook!
Miles: So you can wash a plate but not yourself?
Kai: Shut up I'm having an existential crisis over here!
Missy: So...you still like music?
Sahara: Seriously stop trying to talk to me. I'm trying to imagine I'm snuggled in bed, listening to my beautiful tunes.
Missy: Hey, I miss my real bed too, Sari. I'm not thrilled with your father for this either.
Ranger: And that's why we use balsa wood to make the log-benches you'll find onsite, they're just very strong and-
Sari: Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, don't kick this ranger in the nuts, happy thoughts...
Ranger: Nuts? You'll find some in the campsite's specially made trail-mix.
Sari: Dude, I don't care. I didn't even wanna be here.
Julio: Who's dirty now, kid?
Miles: He's 'going through something'.
Kai: I am! It's serious!
I took everybody to the national park for a day trip. Most of the kids have come to hang out inside.
Andrew: What's up, you little frea - seriously stop smiling like that.
Kai: I believe I am close to figuring out a purpose. A plan, if I may.
Andrew: Cool just keep that as far away from me as possible.
Andrew: Uncle Mason, your kids are f'ed up.
Mason: Don't remind me!
Sahara: This game must be rigged...it can't possibly be that I'm just bad at it. That would be an unhappy thought. And I'm not *sniff* unhappy. *whispers* I miss iPod.
Andrew: Why are always one of these damn kids smelly?
Miles: Hey, it's my outdoor musk!
Danika: Well it's gross.
Tamsin: That excuse didn't work for Kai and it definitely wont work for you.
Miles:...Fine I'm just too lazy and I also really wanted cereal OK?
Mason + Akito: Fucking furries.
Bear: That's actually very hurtful and-
Mason: Seriously. Tamsin's got it bang on. She already told you we don't need you around, OK, bear?
Bear: Tamsin - ohhh, my friend told me about the blue girl Tamsin. You're all just racist then, huh?
Mason: How is that-?
Akito: Oh God why are there two of them.
Andrew: I know you're missing your music, Sari, and considering I hate you the least out of all four freaks my uncle produced, I'll throw you a bone.
Sari: What is this?
Andrew: Let it load...aha, see? A video of my mum drunk and fucking up karaoke.
Sari: I'll take it! God, what has my life become?
Missy: Oooh...
Sari: Butt out Mum, this isn't for you.
Missy: Yes the hell it is! Don't you remember how rude your aunt Eb was at my damn wedding? I need to see this woman humiliate herself!
Tamsin: A human life is like one of those logs on that fire. Common. Ordinary. Short. Bit painful. ...Hm, I bet I could write a decent Bio essay with that.
This is why you still have a C in school.
Tamsin: Nah that's because I skip class.
...That too.
Kai: Mother. When we get home I must make new plans. You will not take away my Word access again.
Missy: OK, don't be cheeky, I'm still your mother and I can do-
Kai: My knife storefront is already up and running. I am honouring Aunty Mercy. I believe that in her prime, she was of a similar temperament to me. I'm sure Dad told you stories. Don't cross me.
Missy:...Hahaha, alright dear, shall we play some horseshoes?
Tamsin: How does he muster that much anger in his little eyes? Like damn, Kai. Eat a Snickers or something.
Missy: I wish I had one...not for him though. Shit I want chocolate now.
Tamsin: And then he can give up on all his plans anyway.
Kai: You two are peons and the second adversity hits you you WILL be destroyed.
Missy: Nope. I know where the secret bunker is at work!
Tamsin: Yeah, probably. Just do me a favour and don't cause that adversity, OK? And seriously, go eat that Snickers.
Missed it happening, but this kid passed out.
Miles: Too much beauty in *zzz* nature to sleep!
Then I realised everybody else was getting pretty uncomfortable and it was probably time to bring them all to the campsite.
They all went straight the fuck to sleep, apart from Sari, who stood and ate some food, and our Gen 9 couple.
Mason: You're still the greatest, Missy. It's always been you that I love.
Missy: From what I know about you, blue boy, I'm the only one you've loved. But I'll take it.
Missy: Ah, you still know how to kiss me. Good times. We won't die hating each other.
Mason: Was that a possibility? I wasn't aware.
Missy: It definitely happens, to a lot of people - well, I won't go all Tamsin on you. Come on, kiss me again.
Mason: With pleasure!
Sahara: Nope. I no longer want to walk this way.
Missy: Or I could do THIS! *kisses hand*
Mason: Hot diggity DAMN son. Sari, look at this. Get yourself a man - or woman - as smooth as your mum.
Sari: You guys are so fuckin weird.
Sari: ESPECIALLY you, Dad. That face might haunt my dreams.
Missy: Don't talk to your father like that. He's perfect.
Sari: Weren't you mad at him for taking us on this vacation?
Missy: Meh. I got over it. The bedrolls at this campsite are really comfy.
Mason: Oh, haven't you all been enjoying yourself?
Sari: Well, no-one will shower, Cousin Andrew literally went off to try and hitchhike home, and I think Tamsin's entire body is covered in bug bites now.
Missy: Oh, maybe we should have let her change out of her swimwear.
Sari: Eh. It's a bit funny.
Mason: Now that she's gone...do you see what's behind us?
Missy: Yeah. I see the bush.
Mason: Hey, don't be like that, if I remember correctly you're the one who dragged my ass in one of them, back when me met.
Missy: Were you complaining about that?
Homework on vacation?
Sari: Hey, if I have to choose between listening to Kai cackle in his sleep, watching my parents slobber over each other or homework, I'm picking the homework.
I mean, there's games.
Sari: Cards for one? No. And I threw the horseshoe into the woods. That's the most frustrating game in existence.
Kai: I am satisfied with this vacation. I have many ideas for my next plan. And...Dad's scrambled eggs are pretty good.
That would be sweet but...he's staring directly at this bush, where Mason and Missy are-
Mason: Oh, yeah babe, do the thing-
Andrew's back!
Andrew: So, creepy cousin, I'll give you a little advice - never hitchhike near the woods. Creeps. Creeps everywhere.
Kai: Ah, but you see, in most scenarios I am the nightmare.
Andrew:...I don't even know why I tried. To leave. Or to give advice to you.
Andrew: Danika get your hand out of my crotch, I don't want to get arrested on top of everything else.
Danika: But I just want to show you my ghost dance! Everybody in the house ignores me!
Andrew: I'm not gonna feel sorry for you.
Andrew:...And there isn't even proper food on this vacation. I have several words to exchange with my parents when I get home.
Andrew: BLEUAAFEHWEAGGH...why is there a bra in this bush? Wh-
Tamsin: Seriously? We all learned the spoiled food lesson a good couple chapters ago, Andrew, how slow are you?
Andrew: BLEUGHEGH
Tamsin:...Whatever. I'm gonna piss in here and if it gets on you, it gets on you. Keep yacking it up.
...There are real toilets at this campsite. Y'all are just pigs.
Tamsin: I care for very little in this life, but...I think I just learned I need better standards. Oh, also that egg vomit is the worst vomit. And it might be my mother's bra in there so...I'm just gonna try and make it to the toilet block.
Spoiler alert: she did. Good on ya, Tam.
Kai: How dare you sic those bugs on me?
Miles: Wooow there's a lot to unpack here. First of all, I told you to use the bug repellent and not take your bag of sweets with you.
Kai: I am your older brother, I should be bullying you!
Miles: I'd like to see you try.
Mason: What the fuck is wrong with my sons.
Kai: Take a look at yourSELF, Dad! And I'm not the one who talks to plants!
Miles: You had that coming, Dad.
Tamsin: What happened to the boring senior?
Kyra: I killed the last ranger and stole his clothes. No. I'm joking. He retired.
Tamsin: Figures.
Kyra: Now, did nobody tell you to cover up a bit in the woods?
Tamsin: It's a long story.
Tamsin: You again?
Bear: I don't know you, miss, but my two beary best friends have told me about a blue girl just like you-
Tamsin: Oh goddammit how many of you furries are there?
Kai: Fuck this shit I'm out.
Miles: Meh. Looks pretty warm and comfy, that costume. Maybe I could try it out.
Kai: Miles don't, don't go to the dark side.
Tamsin: And that's HIM saying that, don't do it Miles.
Tamsin: Why are YOU here? Didn't you retire?
Old Ranger: My dear intern Kyra wishes I would. But I shall keep at this job until my third hip breaks.
Tamsin:...Third...?
Old Ranger: Just wait fifty years or so and you'll know all about hip replacements, little lady.
Sahara: Mosquitoes! Don't you dare disrespect the songs in my head! Away with you interrupters!
Sari is very special. Like all the Sutherland kids before her.
Kai: Burn, fire, burn faster...
Tamsin: Miles is still talking to that furry and Sari is screaming at insects...so I'll stand by with a bucket of water. Sigh.
Kai: YOU DON'T SAY 'SIGH' OUT LOUD, just SIGH.
Kabir Joyson: Why won't my father just retire? Where is he?
Tamsin: I would rather die than help you find him, if that means I have to speak with him again.
This guy and the old ranger have the same last name and are vaguely similar-looking so I used MC to set them as father and son. Just because.
Miles: Your outdoor musk is hardly that, Sari. More sweat + perfume than the fruits of nature.
Sahara: I'm not pretending anymore, I just don't wanna shower. The only free stall has a fist-sized clump of hair and a nest of worms in it.
Ashaya Joyson: *grumble grumble* You young kids are always so fussy and complaining.
Sari: *hums Old Town Road*
Andrew: Oh God, get it away from me, get it away-
Miles: Where'd you get these marshmallows?
Tamsin: Mum's away bag. She's not slick. Now quick, eat up. I'm not in the mood for the other ones to bitch.
Miles: Does this mean I'm your favourite?
Tamsin:...What, no, shut up.
I'm getting Vesana + Quinton vibes (if anyone remembers that it's been like 4 years holy shit)
Andrew: Sooooo...are you too 'cool' or 'edgy' to share?
Tamsin: Not edgy. Look, I'm sharing with Miles. I just don't like you. Ask me again and I'm sticking this hot marshmallow end in your eye.
Sari: Lol, nice one Tam. Can I have a -
Tamsin: No.
Sari: Oh come on!
Mason found his 20th unique fish. Good man. He just needs like 2.5 fishing levels. And also he needs to do a lot of cooking.
...May just stock him up with Moodlet Solvers and skill him until he's done.
Is this really the smartest thing to do?
Sari: I like to live dangerously.
Mason I really think the kids need to get home.
Mason: Already calling the van. And Eb. I don't want to look after her shitass kid any longer.
But the kids can still definitely injure themselves at home.
Miles: OW, my BUTT-
Next time, I guess time passes. Kai ages up into a teen. Tamsin gets closer to ageing up. Hopefully Mason finishes stuff. I don't even know anymore.
Score Sheet- 145
Single Births (31) +155
Twin Births (4) +40
Aspiration Tiers (75) +375
Aspiration (12) +120
Grade A (7) +35
Randomising everything for 1 gen (6) +60 (I realised I was behind on this)
Not using spare's satisfaction points (7) +70 (Ditto)
Every 100,000 simoleons (10) +200
Immortalise TH (2) +10
Autonomous Skill Max (2) +20
Pass Out (125) -625
Self Wetting (38) -190
Fires (14) -140
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