Sutherlands Get Random - 4.11

 

We start with Riv also haunting.

Rivella: I'm angry about the boy. Vermouth. He sucks.

...

Rivella: Ugh and also Sangria doesn't take good care of her hardware at all! More fried than a damn egg...


Oh and this fool is having another baby thanks to Neighbourhood Stories. You're like 5 days from elderhood, Aperol, congrats on creating a whole orphan.


Rivella: My children really are disappointments.

Kezia: Too right.

Rivella: Though of course I love them. Hey, do you have to make such a mess whenever you cook, Kez?

Kezia: Meh. It's 5am, the living will clean it. Stop whining and let me finish my cake before the grave calls.


Gimlet: Hippity-dippity something to do, this spell is called ScrubeROO-

Tommy: WTFWTFWTF-

Rivella: Jesus Christ boy be a bit more precise with those energy bolts.

Kezia: Am I on drugs again?


Sangria: What are you thinking about, Verm?

Vermouth: Children-

Sangria: Well that's nice but you're a bit young for-

Vermouth: God I suddenly hate those little fuckers.

Sangria:...Alright then. Not like you were my only chance for normal grandkids.

Vermouth: Mother that's simply not my problem.


Meanwhile Carl is quickly working on a work-from-home task I forgot to make him finish yesterday.

Carl: Oh my God just fucking work this deadline is important!

He's so good at this.


Sangria: Wow it sure looks like your life turned into the school of hard KNOX am I right?

San your main social skill is charisma, not comedy, stop it.

Knox:...My mum died.

Sangria: Oh. Oh fuck. I'm so sorry.


Vermouth has started his culinary journey.

Vermouth: Um, Dad, we put CLOTHES on in the kitchen.

Carl: Oh please I changed your nappies, don't get all haughty on me.

Vermouth: I'll be changing yours soon you crazy old-

Carl: AND who are you to talk about decorum? What the hell did you do to that counter?


Vermouth: Great. I step out for one second and there's a hobo digging through my trash.

You made friends with him.

Vermouth:...Really? Why?

Knox: Why did they throw out this cardboard? It's waste like this that is destroying the earth-

Vermouth: No, seriously, why.


Adeline:...Did you invite me over to stand quietly and stare into the middle distance?

Gimlet: Oh that's not why I invited you.

Adeline: Um, why then?

Gimlet:...Two reasons.

Ew.


Gimlet: Hey, she liked that. Somehow. I'm genuinely making this up.

Adeline: *flutters lashes* Oh I couldn't tell.

Barf.


Bobby: Oooh damn those hands are gonna feel so-

Double barf. Guess I gotta focus on Vermouth now.


Or not. He's quite boring.

Adeline: -surely you don't want me only for my body?

Gimlet: I mean I hardly know you. Honestly not sure why I invited you here.

Adeline: Wow! Thanks!

Gimlet:...Still hot tho.

Siiiiigh.


Sangria: Forget those children of mine. I just topped out my career. I'm done, bitches.

I mean you have the aspiration and-

Sangria: F I N I S H E D


Gimlet failed to clean the counter.

Gimlet: Oh sh-

Bobby: Idiot! I could have just cleaned it by hand but you had to be impressive and now my sneakers are ruined!

He's a hot-headed one. A good match for Lua really.

Gimlet: This is so embarrassing.


Gimlet got charged up a bit.

Gimlet: Girl I'm - ow - literally alight for you. The sparks are really flying.

Adeline: Oooh you must be really into me.

Vermouth: Nah. Idiot just overused his stupid wizard powers again.

Adeline: *giggle*


Kahlua wouldn't grow up by candles and had to be force-aged up. She teleported outside for it.

She rolled the Maker trait but that doesn't matter because her personality is mostly just 'Hot-Headed, Klepto'.

Tommy: I have better things to do.

Kahlua: Exsqueeze me.


Gimlet: HOW DARE you laugh at the horrendous insult? I thought you were better than this! I thought you appreciated quality roasts!

Adeline: But - what do you mean, you said you don't know me-

Gimlet: My spellcaster powers are COOL, thank you very much-

Vermouth: See. He's a twat. What are you doing tonight girl?

Adeline: I'm going to leave this house.


ANYWAY Kahlua got a nice shiny YA look and Gimlet is going to the magic realm for the evening.


Can't take him anywhere.

Gimlet: If I may cut in and take your hand, madam?

Chelsey: Ooooh why I haven't been courted like this since I was your age young man.

How old do you think he is? Both of you stop.


Ricardo:...Gimlet what a weird place to stand.

Gimlet: Her hair smells like sparkles!

Chelsey: Boy step back I can smell what you had for dinner!

Ricardo: Mm, yeah. Too many onions.


Back at home, Carl decides he doesn't much like what he's dedicated his entire life to...

Carl: I mean, it's just...meh. I used to be killer on guitar. Couldn't I have pursued that?


Nicola's haunting tonight, and is actually being rather chill.

Nicola: Well. I saw a sorry lack of Kahlua in this house, so I made depression cake, as you do when your legacy is tarnished. Then I decided that if my line must go to a man, I'm going to crush Sangria's Tetris high score.

That doesn't really track.

Nicola:...I have limited power as a ghost ok?!


Nicola: THIS is the young man Riv and Kezia were pissing and moaning about?

Vermouth: I think so?

Nicola:...He's perfectly fine! Those two are always so dramatic.

Vemrouth: Cool, one of the matriarchal ghosts here actually supports-

Nicola: That's a stretch. You're like frozen yoghurt, y'know. Like, I could do without it.


Carl: Despite the electric shocks and the threat of a midlife crisis...nothing's changed with my feelings to you, San. I love you and this meal smells amazing-

Sangria: It's just eggs and toast-

Carl: Culinary genius! I'm sure even Vermouth's won't match up.


Vermouth: I'm sick of this shit! Nobody respects me at home, at school - and I deserve better. I am DONE.

Just get over your moodswing at school and I'll see you soon sweetie.


Sangria: Oh God not again....

Tommy: I was playing wrestling with the skunks. Ya boi, tho old, has got it.

Sangria: I swear I'll lock you in the house one day.

Tommy: You wouldn't. I'm too cute. And you're actually very soft at heart. We all know it.


Gimlet: So I've got a stinky cat, two mushy parents and a brat brother. A great heirship this is.

You're not even heir yet. And we're going back to the Realm so chill.


First a quick stop-off...

Gimlet: Uh, so, there's a voice that made me say hi before I go to wizard training, so, hi....

Larissa: First marital issues, then a death in the family, and now the weirdest truanter ever-

Gimlet: What, no, I'm...taking approved school holiday.

Larissa: That's not better!

So yeah. This girl showed up in an MCCC relationship notification and I thought she was pretty and interesting-looking so I tracked her down. She is married but it's not going well, and I thought he was old from the notification...


But no.

Dave: Ladida everything is normal.

Yikes.


Gimlet: Hey now. It's not all bad. Marriages can be destroyed, people come back as ghosts and I'm a very fun crazy person.

Larissa: Ohhh,  I guess you're right. You are a nice boy I suppose.

Amie: Lol that took no effort at all, how pathetic,


Xavier: You know it's bad form to run onto a stranger's property and start harassing some poor young lady-

Gimlet:...You're bad form.

Larissa: Xaviiii I don't need you white-knight for me I'm FINE. If he gets weird...well yeah then you can crush him.


Larissa: Oh Dave please he's just a friendly teenager! But I don't mind this look on you...

Dave: *giggle*

Gimlet: D: What about our conversat-

Xavier: Suck it weirdo.


Any further interaction would be CreepyTM so Gimlet went to the realm.

Ivy:...Oh you are such a nice boy! Let me teach you everything there is to know about-

Gimlet: Untamed magic, right? God I want to do cool shit-

Ivy: Oh no, practical! It's the most important. Come, you must learn-

Gimlet: I've made a huge mistake.


Gimlet and Ivy: One two three...go!

Gimlet: Cool we made a big angel halo!

Ivy: NO we got the dust off these damn ceilings!


Ivy: No it's a harsher flick. Your force is too weak-

Gimlet: Well I don't have one of those sticky things-

Ivy: Idiot boy! How have you got this far without knowing what a WAND is?

Gimlet: You're trying to be strict but it isn't working. I'm kinda impervious.

Ivy:...Just go buy one! I know you're rich enough.


Gimlet:...Wait, how?

Ivy: That preppy sweater. Your general vibe. The donation from your mother.

Gimlet: Yeah that makes sen - WHAT?


Genevieve: Hello. How's the little chaos boy I made?

Gimlet: Not now. Ivy is telling me about how Repairio could one day be used to fix microchips if we perfect the-

Genevieve: Great. She got to him. I knew I shouldn't have taken that week in Tartosa.


Kristine (Aperol's wife) is here.

Kristine: I may not visit all that frequently now I'm busy with the family, but I have GOTTA find out what went wrong with my goddamn magical contraceptive.


Mack: What do you need now Gimlet?

Gimlet: Well gee lizard boy you don't have to be so hostile.

Mack: And you don't have to compare me to an animal but here we are. I'll repeat, what do you want?


Gimlet: AVADA KED - wait, shit I don't wanna kill him!

That's not how it works here.

Gimlet: I mean Zipzap! Zipzap!


Gimlet was not victorious.

Mack: Hahaaaa! Suck it, gotta jet now.

Gimlet: Mmmphhh....mummy....

He dusted himself off and took what's left of his pride to Casters Alley, and then back home.


Sangria: what the HELL kind of time do you call this Gimlet?

Gimlet: *sniffle* 1.30am?

Sangria: Oh what happened.

Gimlet: I got berated by an old lady, my sorta-acquaintance Mack kicked my ass and apparently you paid for my wizarding career?

Sangria: You're wrong about that.

Gimlet:: But she said-

Sangria: Your career right now is school. What money are you making as a wizard, tell me? I donated because that place needs some real TLC.


Gimlet: More like 'Acolyte'-dabra!

This one's moods are like a yoyo. Also he did get up to rank 3 of his Spellcraft aspiration.

Gimlet: They're gonna send me a WELCOME PACKAGE!

I literally bought better versions of that stuff for you.

Gimlet: But...free stuff. Being welcomed. That last one is new to me.


Vermouth:*grumble grumble* You couldn't read anywhere else in the house?

Gimlet: Well I thought being a spellcaster would be fun. But reading this book is boring. The fun part is...

Vermouth:...Annoying me.

Gimlet: You get it.


Gimlet has the Seldom Sleepy reward now. So it's his job to do annoying little tasks in between magic practices.

Gimlet: Like entertaining this half-dead smelly cat. Why can't I do Scruberoo? Or Deathi-

It's Dedeathify.

Gimlet: That's no fun.


Carl: Screw this sniz I'm too good for you, tiny robot mechanism.

Carl PLEASE we are so close to the end.


Gimlet: I can see why you'd dislike Robotics.  All that time to make 'Cleaner' and 'Fixer'-bots and now I can just flick my hand.

Carl: Well that's very nice, mock my life's work why don't you?

Vermouth: Damn I wish I'd made popcorn.


Gimlet:...Ugh it smells like mildew and depression.

Carl: That last one would be me!

Sangria: Well one of you idiots left our damp jumpers on the floor.


Prosecco: Ohhhhh, great. Auntie San, good to see you.

Sangira: Don't worry I'm not here to criticise your life choices.

Prosecoo:...Cool. I don't believe you. Why are we meeting on a university campus?

Sangria: Carl's gotta talk at some class. Let's haaaang.


Prosecco: Get outta here you broke your promise.

Sangria: What? How is that judgy? You do have lettuce in your teeth.


Sangria: Just pick it out. Look, I'll show you.

Prosecco:...I'm not an infant, Auntie San.

Sangria: What do you mean? I had to show Gimlet how to do this yesterday.

Prosecco: Good Lord.


Prosecco got tired of her (fair enough). So San went to socialise in other places.

Hakim: Hello. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Sangria: Uh, OK. How about's you step back from me and this wall, and put some pants on.


Sangria: Oh wow, this is like the college experience I never had...too busy with my goddamn children.

Selma: Huh, very cool, now serve.

Sangria: It's brave of you to be a mature student, finally following those-

Selma: I'm 23.

What is with these grey-haired YAs?


Tristan: So can I interest you in this hair gel I use?

Sangria: Well it's very...shiny.

Carl: OK Tommy time for playtime.

Tommy: HOLD ON I gotta shit-


Sangria: You're a good boy for biting that manbunned douchebag, yes you are-

Gimlet: Ugh. You better not go near that girl I invited over Vermy!

Vermouth: Why, are you looking to-

Gimlet: No. I'm gonna FIGHT her.


Gimlet: Prepare to die!

Tasha: You've been crouched like that for ages. Stand up and face me already you pussy!


Tasha: Don't get any closer. Your face saddens me.

Gimlet: You're just bitter that you lost you Bitter Betty.

Tasha: *sniff* True humiliation.


Gimlet: Your culinary adventures are pointless. You will never outdo this cold grilled cheese.

Vermouth: So you're just sitting here to be a dick.

Gimlet: Youuuu know it boi.


Gimlet: Oh well, if it isn't Mr Tommy all grown up like me.

Todd:...Don't confuse me with your cat.

Gimlet: But I do believe this means you remember details about me!

Todd:...Shut it.


Tasha: I've come to finish what we started you piece of shi-

Todd: Sounds like you have something to deal with.


Then Ricardo invited Gimlet for a duel.

Ricardo: What? I can babysit while I do this.


Gimlet lost.

Gimlet: Aw no fair. The sparkles said it weren't so.

Ricardo: Not my problem! Godspeed Gimmy, gotta go find that kid.


Jacklyn: Ready, aim, fire-

Gimlet: Oh is that an assassin? I'm too tired to be the main character right now.

Jacklyn: And that's the perfect wand movement.

Gimlet: Oh thank God. Can I go home now?


Back at home...

Vermouth: Great LAN party mum! Just you and me all night. I never want it to end!

Sangria: I'm not helping him am I?


Kahlua got married. To a not-Bobby.

Kahlua: Sometimes you just have a crazy night with a purple hunk.

Fine, whatever, hope you're happy.

Bobby also got married. It really wasn't meant to be I guess.


GIMLET

Gimlet: What if I try MORE magic?


Sangria: Son I'm very disappointed.

Gimlet: *mocks* Oooh son I'm sooo disappointed-

Vermouth: Seriously? You could've got us all killed!

Carl: I like wall.

SIGH.


Gimlet: So. This is how you keep 'your kitchen', huh? It smells like an onion took a shit.

Vermouth: Charming. It's the ghost's fault.

Gimlet: Granny Riv would never she's actually a pretty good cook.

Vermouth: Aren't you the guy who set a toilet on fire?


Gimlet: Welcome to obsolescence, worm! Delicioso!

Vermouth: Oh it'll never taste as good as homecooked deliciousness.

Gimlet: You can roast me but you can't roast CHICKEN! Look at that nice plate.


LMAOOOO Sprite passed over her own sister.

Sprite: I am scraping the barrel here I must admit. But at least Carl has some spice.


Gimlet: Lol I still got that chickennnnn

Vermouth: Hey so I apologise if I was annoying as a kid, twas a different time-

Kimberly: Mhm. Right.

Vermouth: I hate children now. What trait did you get?

Kimberly: Vermouth it's fine, but you did contribute to me developing...unflirty.

Gimlet: HA


Vermouth: It's not fine. I just wanted to be friends with you.

Kimberly: You do get an A for effort, really.


Sangria previously influenced her nephew to pursue his career goals, and he called her with an update on his progress

Prosecco: I know! It's amazing! I finally got my dream job. I always wanted to be a criminal!

Sangria:...This was not what I intended.


Sangria: See Tommy! You might find me annoying, but THIS is what I've been trying to avoid my whole life.

Tommy: Don't care Miss Riv is cool.

Sangria: Three of these graves are my mothers' murder victims.


Meanwhile...

Gimlet: Suck it old man!

Carl: Damn! Is he doing witchcraft to win this?

Gimlet: No you just need to git gud.


Carl: Wait what have you done now?

Gimlet: I turned the TV off. You've lost five times in a row and I'm getting busy.

Car: EW I don't need to hear-

Gimlet: With my wizard training, clean up your mind!


Gimlet: Who wants to fight me?

Ricardo: A simple 'hello' has gone out of fashion then?

Emely: I could not be rolling my eyes harder...and yes, yes. I'll fight you happily, Gim. I've wanted to do it for a while.


Gimlet: I'm flying Jack!

Stop it. That looks like it hurts also.

Gimlet: Oh yes, of course it does. It also feels like the legacy is over.

Oof. Yeah.


This is Sasha Rivera, mother of Jaleesa and Mathew, and currently very unimpressed.

Sasha: Kid I have better things to do than teaching you. 


Gimlet: Alright then! You can teach me something, random man.

Dalton: The heck I will. I don't even know that much and I don't even know who you are.

Chelsey: Gimlet! Over here man. Can't believe you forgot me.

Stanley: I want to make ONE potion in peace, is that too much to ask?


Gimlet and Mack got a duel in.

Gimlet: How dare you do ballet moves? This is disrespect.

Mack: No you've actually really unbalanced-

Gimlet: Fie and shame! Die!


Sasha: You' been peering for twenty minutes and I need to return this novel-

Gimlet: Hmmm...grumpy old lady! We do keep running into each other.

Sasha: Through no desire of my own. *hits with book*

Gimlet: Please. I grew up an older sister who threw books at me and an asshole cat. My house is also very haunted. You can't scare me.


After he finished doing Magic Realm stuff he came home. I have a mod which makes the potion ingredients more difficult to get, and he's not happy about it.

Gimlet: You're making my life harder on purpose.

Yeah, kinda.

Gimlet: Also bees should not be that big.

Don't get Bridgerton'd, my darling. Good luck with the collecting.


Carl: Will my torment ever end?

Well apparently not because you've been skilling like a snail.

Carl: Cos I hate this shit!


Carl: Actually I can get behind this. Hey San I'm a terminator.

Sangria:...That's nice dear.


And of course we have the usual family updates. These two are Grenadine's eldest and youngest, both having lives and shit. Ribena already has two kids with Kevin, her husband and one of Sangria's possibilities from back in the day, and Syrup is only just a YA.


Oh and Bellini's middle child got married.


Gimlet:...I think I ate something weird.

Well yeah, that sandwich must have spoiled-

Gimlet:...Also I nicked some of Stanley's potion and I don't think he made it right.


Gimlet: I'll try my own then. How hard can it be? Kablamo!

That's not how you make a potion.

Gimlet: But my hands are flawlessly magical now, surely it should work!

Your hands also set a toilet on fire.

Gimlet: ONE TIME-


Also I then realised that Carl is sleeping in the Exo suit.

Carl: Zzzz...I'm a terminator.

Sangria: Carl please that thing clanks every time either of us move and it smells like rust.

Do you think she regrets her choices?


Kezia: He set up his cauldron where?

...Your former sleeping area. Sorry.

Kezia: Eh. I'd haunt him for the disrespect but I can't be asked. I'll just go and get cheese dip all over the couch or something.


Sangira: For the love of God take that thing off or you're not coming anywhere near me.

Carl: Yeah. It does smell.  Sorry San.

Sangria: What do you say now?

Carl:...You were right.


Kezia: I dunno why Riv's so mad about your existence, y'know. You're a pretty mediocre kid.

Vermouth: Thank...you?

Kezia: Coming from me that's something. Also you didn't destroy my possessions to install a stupid cauldron-

Lux: Oh get OVER IT Kezia, the bed's still in storage.


Aperol and Kristine had their son. I really don't know what to make of this name.


Gimlet: There's metallic bees knocking on my door!

Carl: That's our boy, San.

Sangria: In this specific moment he's firmly yours.

Carl: What's that supposed to mean?

It means he got the erraticism from somewhere, Carl.

 

Todd: Who the FUCK invites someone over at 7.30 on a Saturday?

Gimlet: Well I can't help being a nocturnal little creature. All days are the same now that I have this funky fresh reward trait-

(Yes he's Seldom Sleepy)

Todd: Shut up you dickwad! Whatever screwy shit your magic is doing surely doesn't stop you from checking the time!

Gimlet: ...Anyway. Lookin' good today.

Todd: UGH.


Gimlet: Whoa there cowboy, aren't you still happy to see your pal Gimlet?

Todd: GET OUT OF MY FACE!

Gimlet: Ow. My forehead. You're the one near my face.


Todd: Now that I've got that off my chest, how are you doing-

Gimlet: UGH! You think you can come crawling back after you treated me so?

Todd: Well...yeah? I'm pretty neat.

He is, Gimlet. Play nice.

Gimlet: Fine! The Watcher agrees so I'll be nice to you, TODD.

Todd: The...who?

Gimlet: The little voice in my head. She makes stupid commentary like, all the time. Where have you been?


Sangria: Aw hell Carl. I could never regret you.

Carl:...Regret was on the table?

Sangria: Haha, never mind! Wanna do it?


Gimlet: Roses, rings, flowers and misses, I shall decide who Kimberly kisses!

Kimberly Wait what the f-


Vermouth: I'm not complaining but what's happening?

Gimlet: *snaps picture* Heh. Chelsey'll love this. Maybe she'll teach me another Mischief spell.


Kimberly: Oh, come closer, Vermouth. You're suddenly the only person I can think of. 

Vermouth: I mean, if you insist.

Kimberly:...I'm dizzy.

Gimlet: Um. I reallly hope I didn't scramble anything important.


Gimlet: Eh. Not my problem, I'll leave 'em to it.

Vermouth: I never knew you felt this way.

Kimberly: I feel what way again? What's happening?

Verouth; Apparently you really like me which is weird, I always thought you found me annoying.

Kimberly: But I do! Don't I?


Kimberly: Ah screw it, I could do worse. You're kind of being a gentleman.

Vermouth: Please take this rose it's had your name on it for seven years.

Kimberly: That's...sweet?


Todd: So, where were we old friend?

Gimlet: I just discovered that with my magic powers, all the world is my puppets. Truly, my power is limitless. I can make people act as I want. Honestly I'm not sure if I've gone too far in my pursuit of-

Todd: That's hot.

Gimlet: Really?


I think she snapped out of it.

Kimberly: How dare you take advantage of your brother's meddling? Do you two know nothing of consent?

Vermouth: You ran up and kissed me. I've actually just been engaging in some light flirting.

Kimberley: Does that MATTER?

Vermouth: OK! Fine! I'm sorry I didn't immediately push you away like you clearly wanted...Can we just pretend this didn't happen?

Kimberly: Bit late for that, I'm pretty sure he's got a picture.

Vermouth: Cool, people will actually believe - I mean, oh no.


Todd: Y'know I've never found you unattractive...

Gimlet: Psh, who would? Am I forgiven for the early morning invite yet?

Todd: That and more.

Gimlet: Dunno what happened here but I'm gonna take it.


Carl: Hmmm I smell romance a-brewing.

Gimlet: Haha, crazy Dad...

Todd: Well you had to get it from somewhere, huh Gim?

Gimlet: People keep saying that.


Todd: Anyway peace I've got brunch plans.

Gimlet: I'll get you my pretty.

Todd: Sure. It'll be a fun chase. See ya.


Then it was time to head to the Magic Realm. Tbh this is just for tomes and the sages.

Gimlet: MOTHERF-


Gimlet: Genevieve! How's my favourite Untamed-

Genevieve: I'm the only untamed sage and it's gonna stay that way, boy. What do you want?

Gimlet: So I blew you off to learn practical magic BUT I really do need to expand my repertoire-


Genevieve: Oh whatever, here you go kid. It's called Necrocall.

Gimlet:...Honestly I don't known if I should have the power to summon zombies or anything.

Genevieve: Awfully self-aware of you. Luckily this spell won't give you that power. Just some ghosts.


And finally, Sangria's generation comes to an end.

Gimlet: Hell yeah. I'm much more fun.


He got the Klepto trait, adding onto Erratic and Insider. 

Gimlet: I'm so spiffy I could just...fall asleep. Yeah. I'm tired. Can I go to bed now?


Gimlet: The world of YA possibilities, or bed? I'm actually on the fence-

Get out.

Wait I guess I'm stuck with him.

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