Candice: Hey so I have news-
Buckthorn: What, you realised that I'm keeping my bait under the moonshine machine and you didn't have to wake me up?
Candice: No, dear! We're gonna be parents!
Buckthorn: We already are parents and it's actually pretty cool now that Lichen is practically self-sufficient-
Candice: NO, I'm pregnant again.
Buckthorn:...I'm going back to bed.
The next morning...
Buckthorn: What? I can have chilli for breakfast, OK? I'm GRIEVING.
Hey man you played with fire a lot this week. I was only following your whims.
Buckthorn: But it was only supposed to be regular WooHoo-
Which is risky. Because fun :)
Buckthorn: Not for me!
Why HERE, Lichen?
Lichen: If he wants me to do this poxy homework, he can't pee. Them's the deal.
Buckthorn: And they wonder why I don't want another of these things?
Buckthorn aged up. The only people to send him gifts were a cousin he doesn't know (one of Daisy's kids) and his dead granddad.
Candice: What? My baby needs caffeine powers too :D
Cowplant: I know you couldn't stay away...
Buckthorn: Shhhh I was using you to rid myself of deep and intense sadness. Now I just feel nothing except mildly uncomfortable.
Cowplant: And is that...better?
Buckthorn: Uh, yeah actually.
Buck got an adult makeover.
Buckthorn: What is this? What happened to my cool and flawless aesthetic? Did turning 40 rob me of my taste?
Cmon man you were never cool.
Buckthorn: What will my wife say?
I really don't think she'll care.
Buckthorn: Well my siblings will definitely make fun of me, and it's your fault!
Lichen: Damn this stench is sticking - better learn more before I mix chemicals in the high school's labs.
Hope you didn't get caught.
Lichen: Pah! Begone, imbecile. Of course I didn't! My grades have never been better.
He's at an A, which is good cos it's Friday and he grows up in two days.
Lichen: Ugh, really Mum? The Not-Fake Housewives of Del Sol? How low can you get?
Candice: Hey lay off me, I'm sick. And you smell of burnt hair and chemicals.
Lichen: Hey, that's not my hair.
Candice: That's not better. Also I'm pregnant.
Lichen: Wait WHAT-
Her interest in the clay has been reignited.
Candice: If my son touches acids I can use this stuff! Also I don't think my baby likes caffeine.
Buckthorn: OK, I know you don't like making an effort, but it's just one signature and if it works, my sister will stop flirting with you-
Candice: I mean we could just stop inviting her over-
Buckthorn: What other friends do we really have, Candice?
Knox: Shirts are bad for the environment actually.
Buckthorn: Well they're not bad for my EYES-
Stop that and get signatures you dingus.
There we go.
Knox: But how else am I gonna get some?
Buckthorn: Hey, I believe in you dude! You have a decent body and personality - when you're not banging on about environmentalism. Strike out by yourself.
Knox: I guess there's no honour to Town Council-initiated romance...but I am not an honourable person.
Rejected. Dammit, Knox!
Meanwhile...
Lilith: Buckthorn's wife? How old is that kid? Nothing against cougars, but-
Candice:...We were a grade apart in school, what ARE you talking about?
Lilith: Ah. Sorry. Time is so fast for you mortals. Good lord, the wrinkles on Freesia last time I saw her-
Candice: Son you don't need to do that, you grow up this weekend-
Lichen I know. But the mind never stops working, Mother. Maybe yours did.
Candice: Ok DAMN.
Candice: You really are a mean little shit, and this house is filthy it INVADES my BONES-
Lichen: Sounds like a you problem, madre.
Candice: Graghhh-
Candice: Well this is nice, isn't it? When your little sibling is here you can play with them-
Lichen: Eh. This does for now but I'll have important things to do when I'm older.
Candice: What, like pretend you don't support vaccines online?
Lichen:...Maybe.
Lichen: Iron Man 2 is the best MCU film and you can't do anything about that!...Also it's not vaccines this time, Mum.
this is how he'd spend his life if I let him.
Lichen: Nobody controls me!
Not for now kidlet.
Buckthorn: Having a kid won't be so bad if it's with you, my dear.
Candice: Exactly, that's what I've been trying to tell you. Lichen basically raises himself.
Lichen, off-screen: *probably insulting someone's looks online*
Candice: Oh GOD I'm gonna-
Buckthorn: Lolololol I've never seen your mum run that fast-
Lichen: Ohhhh snap-
Candice: That's it you're on cleanup duty.
Buckthorn:...How do you feel about a playdate, Lichen?
Lichen: OK, nice mode activated. What a gorgeous day, what a shabby and pretty little house!
Buckthorn: Well, he tried.
Eliana: Your son's pretty weird, Candy.
Candice: Well I can't say I did my best!
Eliana: And you think you'll make up for it with this new one?
Ashton: Elli-
Maricela: Uh? Hello? It's girl of the hour here. I know you're trying to sell me off Grandma!
Lichen: Don't worry! I bet she couldn't get that much money for you anyway!
Maricela: Excuse me?
Rusty: If that wasn't my twin I'd respect the cheeriness of that insult.
So yeah, Maricela and Rusty are the twin (I think) grandchildren of Nalani.
Rusty: C'mon Mari those were pretty expensive paints-
Maricela: Fuck you, the sand and your stupid paint :)!
And then Buckthorn did something incredibly stupid.
Buckthorn: Well hello you look good-
Nalani: Do you need to check the prescription in those glasses-
Candice: What the FUCK is going on here-
Ashton: We shouldn't have people over anymore, I guess-
Nalani: Absolutely not! I knew your mother as a baby.
Candice: And I'm right here and pregnant-
Buckthorn: Exactly, that's the issue, and Nalani you know you've always been pretty-
Nalani: You've called me Auntie!
Great, shit's fucked.
With all of that nonsense and Lichen's needs dropping like a stone, I ended the visit.
Buckthorn: OK, time to text an apology to...everyone-
Candice: I smell a rat-
LichenL: Heh, might be me I forgot to shower this morning-
Buckthorn: Look I didn't actually mean anything by all of that, you're my one and only-
Candice: I'm gonna throw this spoon at your head.
Buckthorn: We all know the old woman needs the ego boost, I was just trying to help out-
Candice: Get away from me or die.
Buckthorn's sister Aspen called for a chat. Unborn Gen 4 baby #2 and Lichen will have a similar age gap methinks.
Buckthorn: Hey Asp how are...stop laughing, I know I screwed that one up...how do you even...Nalani already spoke to Mum who told you? Great. Does LP know-of course LP knows. Fuck my life.
Lichen's up from his nap.
Lichen: Heard you're mad at Dad-
Candice: Eh, I was, now I'm too hopped up on caffeine to feel everything. C'mon, dolls go wheeeee-
Lichen: Y'know I'm like 11 now and this is boring. Can't we curbstomp people for real?
She didn't reach the machine in time. Bless you, Candice. Sorry my heir's an idiot.
Buckthorn: I'm sorry, OK? I was just trying to cheer Nalani up, she's sad her ex-husband died. I didn't mean it like that-
Candice: Ugh. Fine. You're changing every nappy though, when this thing comes out.
Buckthorn: I already did that with-
Candice: Don't push it.
LP and his wife Jolene had their second son. Pierre and Blair they have now, lol.
Buckthorn: C'mon! Get the meat, eat the meat!...Seriously why do I keep this thing around?
Candice is in her third trimester and somewhat unhappy.
Candice: Try very. And of all the men to give me two chronic backaches!
She's still holding a grudge. Don't blame her tbh.
Candice: Ugh there's something disgusting right next to me, just as I enjoy breakfast-
Buckthorn: I probably still deserve that.
Aspen came to visit.
Aspen: Lol big brother you're the biggest dumbass in the world, and remember I also know LP.
Candice: Insulting both of you in one fell swoop. I like that.
Buckthorn: Asp c'mon-
Aspen: One more word against me and I convince your wife to leave you.
Candice: Might not be too hard at this rate.
Aspen: Yeah I'll sign the repeal for your 'Free Love' thing, your love has been free enough, hohoho-
Buckthorn: Aspen PLEASE the kid-
Lichen: Still dunno what happened and I don't like it. Oh well. Auntie Aspen, got any new forum insults?
Aspen: Tell him or I do, brother.
Buckthorn: Fine. So, I accidentally, meaninglessly, teensily-weensily flirted with our auntie Nalani-
Lichen: Dad! That's sick! Is that why Mum's mad at you?...So cruel. I almost. Respect you.
Buckthorn: Heya Daichi...Nalani-
Nalani: Not today, Buckthorn.
Aspen went inside while Buckthorn got his last signature.
Aspen: I hate you and your stupid DOG FACE-
She hasn't really changed.
Buckthorn kept spamming friendly interactions with this man, Daichi. I let him 'cos he doesn't have a lot o do at this point.
Buckthorn: You remind me of my wife, y'know.
Daichi: Is that a compliment?
I need to put lights in this new kid's room, oops.
Lichen: No. I like it. Good atmosphere for putting booby traps in this here new block table.
Candice: Y'know, despite my best efforts over the last day or so...your face still makes me happy.
Buckthorn: Thank you?
Candice: What I'm saying is, I'll get over it. I'm comfortable here, Buckthorn, and I do love you.
Buckthorn: Suits me. How many coffees are we on today?
Candice: This suits me too.
Lichen: Charming. Having a birthday over here, y'know.
Candice: Hey look what the mug can do - Lichen why are you purring?
Lichen: Every troll needs a furry minion.
Buckthorn: That's our boy!
Lichen loves cats now. He also has the nerd brain aspiration in preparation for House 4.
Here he is madeover. He's a handsome boy, though practically a Candice clone. It's cool, cos I was kinda getting sick of Miles' facial structure.
Lichen: Shut up, I still want a cat.
Buckthorn: We'll talk about it after you get an A, son.
Lichen: Stuff it up, old lady-lover.
Candice: Why did you TELL-
Buckthorn: Aspen made me OK-
Lichen: Pathetic.
Candice: Lol yeah.
What a lovely family we have. With Lichen being mean I don't see House 4 being much better.
Later that night Candice went into labour.
Candice: At least I'm already on the toilet.
Candice: OWWW, Buckthorn, your sorta-punishment is coming!
Buckthorn: *stares into the middle-distance*
Here she is. Meet Bluebell, the first Risky WooHoo baby of the challenge.
Buckthorn: Ew, is that afterbirth on the carpet?
Candice: No dear, Lichen spilled juice in there yesterday.
Buckthorn: Oh well. Are you supposed to hold babies like that?
Candice: Head support is for weenies.
Candice: What? If I sleep here, the baby will only wake Buckthorn up!
That can't be worth giving up your expensive bed. Oh well, your funeral dear.
I think I found Lichen's soft spot.
Lichen :D Oh, to have a cat-
Dammit. Stop making me feel bad. You can maybe have one when you have an A and Buckthorn is finished with his generational goals.
Also the Kibo twins aged up.
Lichen: Fucking who? Just get me that cat, I don't care-
Maricela and Rusty, Nalani's grandchildren.
Lichen: Meh.
Lichen: I have dreams, you see. I even sculpted them out for you.
I suppose he's never actually seen a cat.
Lichen: Just pictures. I actually used toPhotoshop them to annoy people online-
Candice: Stretch marks aren't supposed to come this far up, right?
Aspen invited Buckthorn over to her place, or Freesia's place I guess.
Aspen: No shame in living with your parents. I know all of you would have chosen it.
Nalani: Why am I here? Starting to reconsider how much I want to be part of this family.
LP: That fuckin' kid's looking at me.
'That kid' is Brendan Sutherland, Aspen's kid. Because of Freesia's remarriage, MCCC renamed Aspen to a Vatore, but I changed her and her son back to Sutherland. Freesia can keep Vatore 'cos she did marry the guy.
I don't think I've seen Frederick in person. He's cute!
Frederick: Y'all know it.
Freesia: Yep, definitely picked myself the right toyboy.
Candice: Dance, dance!
Freesia: Nice how you boys are always coming over right as you have new kids, huh?
LP: Dunno what you're talking about, Ma.
Freesia: Um, yes I do, I only raised you-
Ahhhh Freesia. I miss her still.
Aspen: I have officially renounced your name, Frederick Vatore. Some stepfather.
Frederick. Damn, took 'em long enough to get that paperwork through. When are you gonna move out?
He's so unbothered lmao.
Freesia: She's that tired? Damn, my sons really are bad husbands.
Aspen: OK, there you are kid. Wanna learn some swearwords?
Freesia: No, Aspen. That's why she's not moving out.
Back at home...
Buckthorn: How about it. You get that Mischief skill up, so much trolling- and then I'll get you a cat.
Lichen: I mean I love that shit but I was thinking of using the chess table to work on Logic-
Buckthorn: Well, your mother wants to sleep there i tseems.
Lichen: Just wake her up-
Buckthorn: Absolutely not. You can poke that bear.
And then our Gen 3 drifter maxed his second skill, gardening.
Buckthorn: See son! Keep practicing and you can be like me.
Lihcen: And do what, make the leaning tower of Treesa?
Um? Free Love NAP? I thought I repealed you.
Emery: You have always been a fine, fine man, Buckthorn-
Buckthorn: Really? In spite of middle-aged spread I'm still fine, score!
Buckthorn: I think I need to get my life together. I almost agreed to have sex with that guy.
This is Buckhtorn's midlife crisis chapter isn't it. Stop that and get inside you dingus.
Candice: Aww, you're not so bad are you Bucky. You don't like our children but you do take such good care of them.
Buckthorn: Yep. That's me. Good person.
Candice: What now? Isn't a new mother entitled to coffee? I'm not even breastfeeding!
It's two am woman.
Candice: Well great you've just cursed me!
Um hey what excuse me.
I installed a mod to make electrocution more threatening 'cos it's practically a nonentity in the vanilla game, but more fool me.
Buckthon get out here.
Buckthorn: Oh Candice...why have I been such a fool? I love you, you really are my everything...screw the flirtations with Emery.
Lichen: Pull it together dad it's not too late!...Who the fuck is Emery?
Lihcen: *sniff* Mama I actually do love you. You would have gotten me a cat right?
Buckthorn: Please Grim! She has a family, we just had a baby. I'll never look at another person if you spare her-
Grim: I don't care about that, lemme just check the records-
Grim: Wow. Even brought that little shit to tears. Fine. I'll bring the woman back. You guys might need the help.
Candice: OK, OK. Sell the coffee machine.
It has been replaced by a microwave.
And I decided Buckthorn could fulfil a whim that's been kicking around.
Buckthorn: Soooo...
Candice: You're my hero, Buck. I didn't want to leave yet you know...thank you.
Buckthorn: Shower celebration?
Candice: *giggle*
Grim: OK, time to fuck off.
Grim:...You know I always thought you'd be the killer around here.
Cowplant: *sad mooing noise*...Me too.
Buckthorn has the look of a man who just avoided a very close shave.
Lichen: You're in the bathroom? Weird..anyway, thanks for bringing Mum back, I was in no shape to talk to Death.
Buckthorn: Yeah, yeah, great son, no reason we're in here, just- hey did you do your homework?
Lichen: You watched me do it.
Candice: *giggle*
Buckthorn: LP! Bro.
LP: Bro. *pat pat*
Lichen: Ugh you guys are lame, way too be old to be doing that.
Buckthorn: I see somebody's back to his old self. He was crying this morning, y'know.
Lichen: I thought my mother died!
LP went into what is soon to be Bluebell's room.
LP: Heh, this is a nice little toy..maybe Jo and I could go for a girl, y'know.
I don't recommend that but OK.
Candice: LP! Hi! Why are you smearing your loser ass all over my daughter's bed?
LP:...Nice to see you too, Candi. Heard you died this morning? That's just crazy, I mean you're hardly 45, and you've got kids, just shows you how fleeting-
Candice: I'm over it, LP. Get out of here you weirdo.
Eliana and Ashton are giving their teenage twins a new sibling.
Then I left to make soup. This is relevant because I then let 11 hours pass by and suddenly it was past Bluebell's birthday. She aged up Angelic and looks like Buckthorn's little clone here, but it's hard to tell at Toddler stage. She's cute!
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