Phobos: Hmm. Tethys' first spawn isn't a good sign. What if I could have been heir?
Umbriel: Well...you're not.
Vela why in the hell are you getting pregnant again?
Deanna: That's what I'd like to know, she's the least parental of my children and that's a stiff competition!
Statue:...I don't know why you're talking to me lady.
Felix: So I think I did a bad thing.
Yeah I wish you hadn't.
Umbriel: Sooo...I need food?
Deanna: Of course sweetie. Here we go again.
You're not just SuperGrandma now, you're SuperGreat-Grandma.
Deanna: The 'Great' doesn't really add much does it?
Mercury: Many people would believe you're my child, after all, I am young-
Umbriel: Not this again please.
Chase: Once upon a time there were two very handsome princes-
Umbriel: You're holding the bunny book tho.
Chase: Nope I'm definitely reading the words here and not making it up!
Mercury: Who's the best grand-cat? You are!
Deanna: Son the kid is right in the room.
Mercury: And yet her colouring is all wrong.
Averie: Oh Rigel, sorry it's been so long! My mother grounded me...
Rigel: Considering I grew up earlier than you it would have been weird, but you're here now.
Averie: I couldn't get here fast enough!
It was a happy reunion. Rigel will probably move out with her soon enough, as we will need the room for more Teth kids.
Rigel: That's the girl I'm spending my life with...she might be a flaky kleptomaniac but I love her all the same...too bad she ran off before I could give her that ring.
Soon Rigel. It's not a choice, you're moving out this weekend.
Rigel: Suits me!
Elliott: Heyyyyyy girl.
Tethys: Would you get your arm out of my foetus?
Phobos: Someone? Anyone?
Tethys: But I'm bored so you'll do.
Phobos: Seriously let me in I don't want to see this.
Elliott: Suits me! I'm married!
Tethys: I don't care!
Elliott: So...does that baby in you have a father, or-
Tethys: A useless one, but I'm a terrible choice to leave your wife for, man.
Elliott: Noted!
Braylon:...What the hell is happening here? How my father's house has fallen.
Your dad was Aldebaran (I think) he never owned this place.
Braylon: OK but I still never want to visit the extended family ever again.
Smart plan.
Deanna: Us of the simple colouring must stick together, Umbriel. Why, we're worth it. Are we not pretty close to the Watcher's own colouring?
Umbriel: Bath please!
Deanna: Homework.
Mercury: I guess I'll have to do it then.
Deanna: Now you know how I felt when yours were babies. Scared of messing up your jacket-
Mercury: Hey I've grown past that, it's called character development. Also I don't care about this 'fit, I stole it from a professor.
Dammit Teth.
Tethys:...This isn't labour!
Tethys: This is though. Ugh, all that water after I just showered.
Let's pray for a blue kid.
Tethys: I agree!
Tethys: OK, getting warmer! Though you're not quite right.
Baby: Thanks.
This is Calypso, named after the moon of Saturn, and she is Dipper-blue, meaning she's probably not gonna be heir. Only if Tethys turns elder and never has a true PG heir.
Tethys: Could we not compare my daughter to my lamest uncle?
Pollux's first wife must have died, so I guess he coped by marrying a Straud offshoot.
Pollux: Say what you want about that nose but she'll never die on me!
Mercury: If I die activating this fucked up llama relic, just know I loved you the most. Oh and my daughter and husband, of course.
And your sons.
Mercury: Yeah yeah yeah, them!
Artefacts:...
Mercury: Oh Christ this is the end, isn't it?!
Hope not.
Mercury: So the Black Hole Sun didn't do it, but I keep sneezing. I can't feel my nostrils. My throat is numb and painful at the same time. This IS how I die.
Oh don't be silly we can cure you.
Mercury: If you're not too lazy to go to Selvadorada.
Mercury: Good. You do still care.
Tethys: Dad you wanted me to be heir.
Mercury: But...so soon!
Tethys: Anyway why do I have to come if you're infectious?
Mercury: You are always looking to, ahem, meet new people-
Tethys: DAD-
Mercury: ACHOO - I am clear, I am fixed! Thank you Madre!
Statue: And all for the low low price of 250, tell your friends-
Catrin: Well! I remember you. On holiday with your family, dressed like a little schoolgirl-
Tethys: I've grown up now-
Oscar: And you grew up FINE!
Catrin: Oscar I said we were going to be subtle.
Tethys: Girl you need a new wingman.
Catrin: And you're gonna help me with that?
Tethys: Well-
Catrin: WAIT. Hang on. What the hell is she-
Tethys: She is married to a Sutherland, probably broke her brain.
Bartender: Ayyy move that body-
Tethys: Ah men.
Catrin: Trash.
This is Kiss 7/10.
Mercury: La-di-da, lighting a fire, I'm a dad.
Catrin: Wow I see where you get them looks from-
Mercury: Why oh why? Tethys my little girl-
Tethys: He's being dramatic. I have two kids.
Tethys: Get in here hot stuff!
Catrin: Well who am I to say no to a fling with a stunning tourist?
Tethys: Ha! You flatter me! Now let's bang already!
She's a romantic, our Teth.
Tethys: PLEASE looks like me!
With this pregnancy we are officially over the household limit, so time to go home and kick out Rigel.
Tethys: Grimmy! Guess who's having another baby!
Grimm: Gimme that sparkle wand byotch.
Umbriel:...ew, no thanks.
She finally discovered her little sister.
Averie: So what's that important question you're asking me, Rigel?
Rigel: You know I love you, Averie, don't you?
Grimm: Blegh, do this somewhere else.
Averie: I would also rather you weren't here, cat.
Rigel: Never mind him!
Anyway they got engaged and he moved out with her. Godspeed Rigel, I'll miss you and your face.
Yay, I bet these two make cute babies. Not sure why he didn't just marry her too.
Deanna: -like this! Rawwwrrr!
Grimm: I'm still not impressed, that's the worst dinosaur ever.
Deanna: You do it better than tough guy!
Mariko: I stg am I the only one looking out for this child.
Yeah probs.
Mercury: I-I wasn't!
Grimm: You're not fooling anyone, now back behind the ears please.
Umbriel has recovered from her tantruming.
Umbriel: Y'know what? It's all good! I'm still the eldest, I'm still top dog in this house.
Tethys: Aren't I just a great mother, Mariko?
Mariko: As your employee, sure.
Umbriel: Hey it's the blue lady! Hi!
Grimm: I spy sin-a-brewing. Hand further up, young lady!
Tethys: Not NOW-
Deanna: *cries* I'm so cursed! And it's gonna drag on forever!
Mariko: Now I'm sure it'll all be OK, I will do anything to help except-
Deanna: I have to d-drink your blood Mariko stop acting like a real person!
Mariko: At your wishes, ma'am.
Umbriel: Well this is destabilising.
Tethys: Well...godspeed breakfast you were pretty good. *retch*
Grimm: Oh FUCK NO, I'm out!
Rigel: Heeyyyy so my fiance's pregnant.
Tethys: Big fluffy deal this is like my fourth kid.
Rigel: Teth. You have two kids.
Tethys: Third then, what's the difference?
Tethys: So what kind of workouts does a strong stud like you do? Boxing, maybe? I've been thinking about getting into-
Cruz: My father was killed by a boxing glove.
Tethys: Well probably the person wearing it.
Cruz: *sniffle*
Sawyer Kibo: Bitch please I thought you would have had a better house.
Rigel: Oh well I actually live in a crappy apartment-
Chase: Somebody take me off Umby-duty I need to pee!
Grimm: Well I'm nearly done with this ol thing.
Because Cruz was all whiny I instead had Teth reconnect with a high school acquaintance, Sloane.
Tethys: Wowww I'm so tired, girl without any of my colouring...
Sloane: Why should that matter - damn she cute even when yawning!
Grimm: Lemme just assert my dominance.
Sloane: Yeah, sorry I'm not getting cat hair on these clothes, I'm out.
Tethys: Dammit fam you're cockblocking me-
Sloane: I don't actually have one of those.
Elliott: Hey-
Mariko: Just wait here. Miss Tethys is still entertaining a previous guest.
Elliott: Gee yeah, I love how she has so many friends. So outgoing, vivacious-
Mariko: Mhm.
Sloane: So that's me, you're probably wondering how I got myself in this situation.
Deanna: You gave enthusiastic consent AND said no take-backs! Let a girl drink!
Deonte: You still smell like my mate Elliott's cologne-
Tethys: And I said there's a good reason for that. Lemme find it.
Deimos: So this place hasn't changed then?
Chase: Noooope.
Mercury: I sense I haven't received attention in a while.
You've been at work. You're fifty years old and you're gonna act out by stomping all over your dead father's flowers?
Mercury: They ain't never done a thing for me!
Deimos: -and nobody gives me the time of day. I'm talented, I'm pretty, why in the hell am I always rejected?
Deanna: Couldn't be your winning personality, could it?
Later that night, Phobos finally got his shit together, ish, and knocked up his girlfriend. Could that mean marriage?
Anyway watch this contribute to Deimos's emotional problems.
Phobos: Oh I knew it would.
Mckenzie: That's not why you knocked me up is it?
Phobos: Nooo! *wink*
Calypso had a birthday. Damn, she'd be the perfect PG heir if not for that skin.
Tethys: I know. I can't even look. So close yet so far.
Calypso: Oh whatever, I'm choking on your hair here, and I know you're all fat with my replacement. So just put me down.
Tethys: Bitch-
Anyway here she is. Even as a kid you can see a bit of that Hekekia face. Super cute tho, and Silly like her older sister.
Felix: So. I have heard that I spent my life with a wife who slept with our granddaughter's baby daddy. This displeases me.
I'm not thrilled either, it was pretty weird.
Mercury: Don't look at - don't hiss at me like that! No scratching the merchandise.
Grimm: So easily scareable...
Felix: Sigh, my son is actually a pretty big weenie.
The next morning...
Tethys: Ahhhh...time for more power at my job today. Then I can turn the place into an eSports Arena like I actually want.
Tethys: Who wants breakfast, Grimmy?
Grimm: Woman I just finished that bowl, do you not pay attention-
Tethys: Wellll I know your fat ass never says no.
Grimm: Y'know-
Calypso: Still more attention than she's paid to me.
Deanna: *sniffle* Eternal life...a false promise.
Calypso: Grandma pls it's way too early to have a breakdown.
Mercury: Yo Mariko go pick our little Umbrifail out of that chair thingy!
Mariko: Mr Sutherland you were right there! Also calling her that may damage her psyche.
Umbriel: Too late.
Calypso: So. You gonna cryyyy again?
Chase: Well well well the great Deanna does have weaknesses.
Deanna You're not gonna do anything with that information, shithead.
Umbriel: Stay long enough for flashcards, Uncle Rigel?
Rigel: Well sure if it'll keep me away from my angry pregnant fiancee. Flashcards for babies it is!
Calypso: These people make me wanna bang my head against a STEREO
Batty: I understand the feeling.
Deanna: It's aliiiive!
Chase: Who is she, Dr Frankenstein?
Deanna: I'm not liking your attitude today, Chase.
Calypso: The Stereo grows more and more appealing.
Rigel: Dad. Dad. Grandma has that vampire look in her eyes, she's gonna-
Deanna: I don't know what you speak of.
Mercury: Yeah I'm going for a nap. Leave him mostly alive, Mum?
Deanna: Of course darling.
Rigel: Dad!
Tethys: So I'm finally in charge of my own team. One step closer to that Arena.
Grimm: I nearly caught half a rat today. We're both equally successful. Yep.
Tethys: Awww you don't have to feel bad!
Deanna finished her first term of communications. Because she already did another degree she only has one left. Fucked up one of her classes but it's all good.
Tethys: Dinner with my two dear daughters!
Calypso: I'm trying to sleep.
Umbriel: So. Ms Dollyface. Who is that lady again?
Sawyer: A babysitter. That's all you are. A glorified babysitter and money machine for your ungrateful lot of descendants.
Deanna: Are you still salty about being my evening snack?
Grimm: Ooooh yeah, scritching.
Calypso: Seriously do any of you MIND?
Finally. Good luck with him, Kenzie.
Mercury: So what if I lost this contest? I'm a winner in my heart.
Sure you are, Merc, what a healthy way to-
Mercury: ...next time I either bribe or blackmail my way to it, you organisers won't keep me down!
Vela had her second daughter. Mercedes and Raven. Please stop after that.
Vela: I wish for something to delete my uterus.
Tethys: Ooooowww, my BACK-
Deanna: Oh talk to me on your ninth child, dear.
Tethys: Well I hope to god it doesn't come to that!
Tethys is on family leave today.
Tethys: God I love holding the visual representation of my lowly spare brothers.
Umbriel: I think they've talked to me more than you. And they don't live here-
Tethys: Hush, kid.
Grimm: Lol even on leave you can escape being a mother. I quite admire it.
Tethys: Hush, I'm working to make money for them. This virus is gonna bring Willow Creek to its knees.
Grimm: Ooh, name it COVID-19.
Tethys: We don't have that here.
Calypso: So if Great-Grandma, Mum and one of my Grandpas won't give me attention...I guess I'll go for the other one. Damn, that is a lot of rejection.
Oof. Anyway don't let Merc know how far down on the list he is.
Calypso: Do I look like an idiot?
Mercury: C'mon Umbrefail, up you grow!
Umbriel: Wheeee!
Tethys: Awww Dad you gave her her own special nickname.
Umbriel: Imma FAIL!
Tethys: Well in one important way, yes!
Grimm: I have never seen one that size before...big enough to be a challenge to hunt. Yet small enough that I won't get completely squashed.
Umbriel: Mum your cat is making me feel unsafe.
Grimm: Not that I'd ever hunt a member of the family. But give me pats and snacks of course.
She's a Geek who wants to be a Scamp.
Umbriel: Physics is inter - stop looking at me like that!
Umbriel: And the trauma continues.
Tethys: I'm so sorry but it looks like it's happening here! Oooooowww-
Tethys: Oh. Great.
GREAT.
So. We have a full house now. This is Ursa. Anyway, Merc and Chase will have to be moved out. Maybe temporarily, maybe not.
Umbriel: YAWN this baby is violently uninteresting.
Calypso: But I'M the baby!
Tethys: Heeeey wanna come over for - NOT a hookup?
Tethys: I lied hot stuff!
Karina: OHHH I - don't even care, let's do it!
Deanna: SERIOUSLY TETH you just met the woman.
Tethys: Aw cmon grandma don't act so shocked, you know what I am.
Umbriel is sad.
Umbriel: I'm six years old and two of my own sibling sare dead.
Well your mother's a vampire and pretty old.
Umbriel: Mum's WHAT now? She does suck pretty hard sometimes.
No the other one lmao.
(Lilith Vatore btw)
Pollux: Long time no see, party people.
Deanna: Everybody look at that art print, how beautiful-
Siobhan: Pretty sure I saw that on Amazon for $6.
Deanna's finally doing her club aspiration.
Pollux: I don't want to help Mum and do painting activities actually. *G-notes*
...K.
Pollux: I mean what has she done for me?
Tethys: It might be my fourth but I am still definitely not ready for this.
Dipper's gonna be a granddad!
Grimm literally just came home to eat and use the litterbox.
Grimm: Smells like the holly I ate last night.
Ew - you ate HOLLY?
Deanna is always keeping an eye on Mariko, the non-vacation butler.
Deanna: Bitch you better be good to my super-great-grandbabies.
Tethys: Ooooh you think you're gonna beat me? In your dreams. I will live in your dreams. Your nightmares!
Grimm: Girl, you cray.
Deanna: Your Mama hasn't touched you at all has she Ursa? Has sheeeee? Don't worry, Dede is here.
Calypso: I am STILL the baby, ahem.
Deanna: And your big sister needs to get over herself, oh yes she DOES~
Umbriel is back from school.
Umbriel: Ugh shit's pointless. I don't need to do my times tables! I already know SUVAT!
Deanna: Oh. I see! You're too good to donate blood to the woman who raised you, huh?
Rigel: I mean our Dads were more involved than Teth is, and I want to keep my blood because-
Deanna: Choice is an illusion!
Grimm: Ursa. Is this your other mother?
Mariko: Well it is so good of you to come actually, y'know, meet the kid. Tethys named her Ursa-
Karina: No way. Hasn't been long enough, I hooked up with Tethys yesterday. She's actually here for...something about pregnancy hormones? And I can't cheat on my husband by myself, y'know.
Ursa: This family is a trainwreck.
Tethys: You guys can babysit? Eh, if you can't you still need the practice.
Rigel: That's...true?
Phobos: Holy shit sis you're a mess.
Karina: Oh don't worry your pretty heads it won't be long. we'll be finished soon, get it?
Phobos: Unfortunately yes.
Umbriel is very much a solitary child.
Umbrile: It's by choice! OK I just need to figure out the trajectory of these BUBBLES-
Karina: Girlfriend? Really? I didn't take you for the exclusive type, Teth?
Tethys: Weeeeelll...not exactly. Watcher's still got the list of baby parents to go through-
Karina: Oh what do I care I'm MARRIED! It's just a word isn't it?
Mariko: Well no, I wouldn't want my husband-
Tethys: Shush butler this isn't about you.
And that's how Tethys got her fourth girlfriend/boyfriend. She needs 3 dates and four more partners, and that's this aspiration done. Maybe she could even settle down.
Phobos: You sure you don't want to move out? Leave Teth to deal with the consequences of her actions-
Deanna: Those are kids, Phobos. But I could use a break.
Phobos: Great. Come stay with Mckenzie and me, that's only one baby. It isn't even born yet, but my wife is a demanding pregnant lady!
Deanna:...Thanks, Phobos.
Felix: Wow I really did marry a monster.
Mariko: Duuuuuh not again
Rigel had his first kid. I bet she'll be so cute.
Calypso: I know you're avoiding me. Where is my father.
Tethys: I dunno, probably ban-
Don't tell her about that!
Tethys: I was gonna say beach!
Grimm: Yup. This is my bed, in my kingdom.
Tethys will kick you off there, it's definitely her room.
Grimm:...Let a man pretend.
Anyway after that it was Ursa's birthday.
Deanna: Aw those are cute sunglasses you grew up in!
Ursa: Just to distract from me making your life a living hell.
Deanna: Uh...what?
Ursa: What?
Yeah so she grew up fussy, which is...great.
Grimm is being himself still.
Grimm: HISS! Away with the demanding child.
Ursa: I DEMAND to not be bullied by a CAT!
Deanna: hUUUUGH not now I am disgusted with my vampiric state.
Ursa: And I don't WANT your hugs I want that cat out of here!
Deanna: I mean I'm not a big fan, but there there-
Grimm: Bitch! I was here first and you know it!
Umbriel: GodDAMMIT why am I babysitting!
Calypso: Nobody ASKED you to. Stop doing sums out loud!
Deanna: Alright then Ursa. Your mother's here. You don't want my love, try for hers?
Tethys: Lol no can do I'm getting a snack and then I'm going to 'bed'...seriously, just sleeping. Stupid kid..
Ursa D: No wait!
Mercury: Get out of the way fur-beast, you're in my household slot.
Tethys: Dad. This is my house and you'll treat my cat with respect. Also, you're forgetting something..
Mercury: WHAT?! I'm sick of paying bills!
Tethys:..Other Dad? There ain't space for him, I'll tell you that!
Tethys: On second thoughts...there's a spare bed if y'all need time apart. Damn.
Seriously everybody is just. Miserable.
Mariko: Why should I clean up the trash when my life is trash?
Umbriel: I think it's your job...oh what do I care? I'll never be a physicist!
Mercury: Do your chores Mariko, I'm too pretty to clean.
Except our responsible heiress.
Tethys: Oooh, the further away I get from that house the happier I am!
Sloane: Mm, I bet. Hey, you thinking of settling down, us finally giving it a chance?
Tethys:...Something like that.
Sloane: Actually, I'm uncomfortable. We're by an outside pool.
Tethys: My pool. In my exclusive and quiet neighbourhood. It's hardly public.
Sloane: Goodbye, Tethys.
Tethys: Oh, one day my unflirty darling.
Deanna: *sob* Seriously how am I STILL RAISING FUCKING CHILDREN HERE, I have DREAMS-
Sloane: Yeah that woman's a trap...a hot trap. No, bad Sloane! Don't fall for it.
...And so ends the week.
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