Here we are still at the beach!
Candice: Ugh I feel like shit.
Buckthorn: Yeah me too, and I was gonna propose today-
Candice: You were gonna what?! Then I wouldn't have swam for five whole minutes!
Aspen: Wow bro, smooth.
Janay: Damn you two suck.
...Ok, time to leave the beach. Proposal wasn't gonna happen cos there's too many damn people in the way.
Lichen: Everything...everything STINKS!
Buckthorn: I'd literally rather make out with a fish than help my infant son do blocks.
Lichen: Oh just you wait for this feat of engineering!
Candice: I'm seriously wondering if this apparent proposal is a joke...
Nalani: Ahhhh, so my girls DO have a chance!
Candice:...Wow, thanks Buckthorn's weird family friend Nalani.
Buckthorn: I said no dessert, it's 11pm, you shouldn't even be up!
Lichen:...Mum he's taken me hostage in the highchair.
Buckthorn: Little SHIT-
Candice: I think our kid's in trouble, gonna amble over there slowly-
Buckthorn: Right behind y - OW!
Candice: Somebody say some'n?
Buckthorn: Ah yes. The best thing to do after a possible TBI. Mess with moonshine using a machine I have very little knowledge of!
Candice: Ignore your father, Lichen.
Lichen: Already on it.
Buckthorn: We're a one bathroom family, son, you better learn that quick!
Lichen: Now you wanna watch me too, perv?
Buckthorn: Um, NO, this is a bullshit way to spend my morning!
Lichen: AGREED!
Buckthorn: Good mid-morning my sweet little fish.
Candice: I thought we talked about acceptable pet names long ago.
Buckthorn: Fish are pets too!
Candice: Sheesh that door might have done some damage.
Buckthorn: Anyway I found this! Candice, you and our life together has made me so happy! Except for the kid we had, that's mid-
Candice: Hell yeah I AGREE!
Buckthorn: And that's why I love you! Will you marry me?
Candice: It would be a real asshole move to say no!
So she said yes.
Candice: Ravish me, oh mermaid king!
Buckthorn: I mean at best I'm like a squire, my mother doesn't have that much clout-
Buckthorn: Check out the gun show!
Candice: Uh yeah, Bucky, super impressive arm-age there-
Lichen: Ooh look I'm DAD and I think I'm SLICK.
Candice:...Kid is really funny though.
Candice:...Welp. RIP to my father and time for a soul-crushing retail shift.
RIP Fetu indeed. Are you sure you don't want to-
Candice: Pretending to be OK is actually the best way to be OK, y'know.
Buckthorn: So if you do wanna talk about your father's death-
Candice: Nope, I am fine, actually I'm annoyed cos I wanted to get busy and your brother's wife kicked him out again.
Buckthorn: Ah well ain't that a treat!
LP: Hey I kicked myself out this time!
Lichen woke up and realised his granddad was dead.
Lichen: I wanted a man in my life! *cries*
You have your dad.
Lichen: I wanted a second man in my life! One who counts.
Lichen: Hey. Strange box. Would you like my leftovers?
Buckthorn: Cowplant! How small you've got. This one should be easy.
Hhhh stupid glitch. Anyway, time for our second essence!
(Happiness)
Buckthorn: For once.
After that was done I took Bucky to Brindleton Bay, because new fish are needed.
Buckthorn: OK. Let's look into the ocean...yep, that's fish right there.
He's good at this I swear.
He caught four angelfish, one kissing gourami and one betta. Completely fine fish that he ALREADY HAS.
Sigh.
Candice: Cool Buckthorn's back. I can now cry noisily and ignore my son - I mean, be OK under these covers-
You were right here when I switched back to the house, Candice.
Candice: So I've been in bed all day, so what-
Nalani: Hello Buckthorn dear. So nice of you to invite me and your mother over. Now lemme tell you-
Buckthorn: This is for my son's birthday, not to talk about your shithead exes. Seriously I wasn't even born the last time you got laid!
Nalani: That's...true.
Freesia: Look I know she's kinda part of the family but why did you invite her-
Buckthorn: Well. I'm not a good parent. I worry about Lichen's ability to socialise.
Freesia:...Oh. Aren't Eliana and Caroline a bit old for-
Buckthorn: They have kids his age now, Mum.
Freesia: How time flies. Come on, let's age the bugger up.
Lichen: I liiiiive!
Freesia: Ah., three generations of my strong colouring, passed down-
(Seriously this isn't a PG legacy)
Buckthorn: Well I'm just 34 and my son 5, Mum, we're not greying-
Freesia: I brought you into this world and I'll take you out, don't test me.
Lichen: I like this lady.
He definitely has his mum's eyes and probably her mouth also. So a Candice face look-alike with Bucky's colouring. Not bad. He also grew up Mean and a Whiz Kid which is why he's dressed all in black like some evil pencil.
Lichen: No, a pencil who tells it like it is.
Candice: Hey, you could clear your plate.
Lichen: You could kiss my ass, mother. I'm busy mourning!
Buckthorn: So yeah, you worry for your legacy, huh Auntie Nalani? Combine it with mine! My son is super blunt and he's gonna be smart. Yeah, he'll have to Drift, but-
Nalani: Fine, whatever. One granddaughter coming right up-
Buckthorn: Or your grandson, I'm plenty open-minded.
Nalani:...Eh, let's set up the playdate.
Buckthorn: Glad you're seeing it my way.
Nalani:...This isn't my home.
Jolene: Yeah. It's mine. And I didn't invite any of you.
Freesia: Took you long enough to realise you old biddy.
Lichen: From what I know of mermaid lifespans you're still dying first, Grandma.
LP: Well technically Jolene...
Jolene: You say one more thing about how your father left you this place-
Pierre: Oh dear lord, not again.
These two look really alike.
LP: Yep, this is about as close as I can stand, sorry kid.
Pierre: Did I ask? No. I've learned to stay away from your dumb ass now!
Buckthorn: Ah, death is always so hard, isn't it? I lost my first mother while I was sleeping rough, and I absolutely relate.
Jolene: Get your hands off me before I shove you off the balcony and make it look like an accident.
Buckthorn:...Is this the grief talking or an actual threat?
Jolene: What do you think?
On another note, Jolene is actually such a cool-looking Sim and if LP hadn't got to her first I might have considered her for spouse. Lilith Pleasant and Marcus Flex make cute kids apparently.
Back at home...
Lichen: Do you have any stories about my dead grandpa, Mum-
Candice: Lol I like video games.
Buckthorn: I should have left you all on the street corner where you were standing.
Candice: But'cha didn't...
Lichen:..Wait am I adopted?
(No 'tis a Vine)
Lichen: You're a miracle of science and king of the house, don't eat me pls-
Go in the house kid it's 2am
The morning...
Candice: UGH oh my God why does he have to keep that FISH there, it's disgusting. And there's scales on my sheets!
He's a fisherman and a mermaid girl, scales are part of the deal.
Buckthor: *whimper* I don't wanna STAND on the boat what if I fall in?
Idk you're the merman figure it out. These two are honestly so whiny lol.
Buckthorn:...OK so maybe I'm just feeling lazy.
Buckthorn: Holy shit you're a big'un! This is the kind of catch you hold on your Tinder profile.
I mean that doesn't help you and also you have a fiancee...
Buckthorn: Talking hypothetically of course!
Honestly it's pretty good. That's heavier than me.
Back at hoe...
Lichen: What? I'm allowed to be in here. All Mum said before she left for work was 'don't fuck up my REFUGE save file'.
Later...
Lichen:...So she put some Safe Mode parental lock type bullshit on the computer. Very clever, woman. Very clever. Time to guess Dad's password then.
Lichen:W hat? Go away, I'm practicing insults. 'That's a face only a mother could love' becomes passe after the fifth person.
Ruffles the dog: C'mon, Lichen, we can figure something out.
Lichen: Oh my God, shut up and let me think you simp.
Lichen is now trolling the forums.
Lichen: Naturally. Tell me, Boney, do I sound like an almost-real flat-earther here?
Boney the Bonefish:...
Lichen: Or I could just say that women don't deserve rights or something. So many options!
Lichen: Ahh, the outrage is pouring in. Give it to me. I feed off your hatred.
Candice: Lichen Buckthorn Sutherland-
Lichen: I didn't even touch your shitty REFUGE-
Candice: OK now I REALLY need you out of my room.
What.
Lichen: I'm gonna throw him into SPACE-
Robot: Wait whAT
Not that you goon, why are you in the bathroom like that?
Lichen: Good for the back. Strengthens internal organs.
Lichen:...Can't believe my dad wastes his life finding you slimy things. Wait, yes I can. He is a loser.
Buckthorn: My son said what?...I mean, I also grow mediocre flowers and make moonshine!
That's almost the whole second generation old. I think Daisy still has about a week.
Lichen: Wow, you brought me after I had just got to sleep and everything.
Freesia:..,why were you going to bed that late?
You cannot talk after your child/teenhood bullshit, Freesia.
Aspen: Better question why am I here?
Freesia: Because I'm sick of your pickpocketing and I'm not bailing you out of juvie again.
Cnadice: Ugh...there's so many bugs already.
Buckthorn: Happy family vacation everybody.
Aspen: Fine. I do like to burn things. Who wants to be part of the fire?
Lichen: Ugh, my God you things are almost as pesky as the people I share a classroom with.
Birds of a feather might not flock together. Lichen and Aspen are either gonna be friends or yell at each other.
Freesia: Shoulda known you came here for the fish. Nice aquatic lure there.
Buckthorn: Um, thanks. Don't you hate fishing, Mother? It makes you cry.
Freesia: Well how else am I gonna spend time with my son?
D'awww.
Aspen: My aim just isn't there yet..all the reason to practice!
Candice: Ah...nice wood, no mud or creepy-crawlies for me up here!
Buckthorn: Hahaaaa I got you suckerrrr!
Freesia: Now son, you could at least let our brethren have a dignified death..
Aspen had her birthday lol.
Aspen: Aw yeah, birthday bonfire coming right up! Considering my mother missed this...perhaps she could start it.
Candice: I have a real bad feeling about this.
I think the isolation and slight parental neglect are getting to Lichen.
Lichen: Oh my God you're alive! I AM the Sim Doctor Frankenstein!
Candice: Oh my God, fuck, the stick is on fire.
Freesia: She's pretty...but Bucky dear you really didn't pick the smartest bulb in the bunch did you?
Buckthorn: Mum shut up, you married Iosefina-
Candice: Guys shut up and help me put it out. Throw the coffee!
Freesia: That's a hell no from me, I need this stuff.
Buckthorn: Sorry about your birthday, sis. How about we pick some pockets at the national park tomorrow?
Aspen: *sniff* I'd like that.
Buckthorn is trying to make a family meal.
Buckthorn: Oh CRAP I dropped my all natural forest-forage garnish!
Candice: I'm glad you're happy Buck, but is this the best vacation for your squeamish, TV-loving fiancee and science obsessed son?
Buckthorn: Yeah sure, why not! We all gotta get to the great outdoors, huh?
Candice: Do we really? All of us?
Candice: So, Aspen. We've never really been like, sisters, have we-
Aspen: Yeah,, that's 'cos you live too far and I find you pretty boring.
Candice: Well-
Lichen: Oh mother. You just don't understand us honest lot. Aspen, my back is facing you because-
Aspen: You can shut up, twerp.
Lichen:...OK.
Candice: Please come around more. You're the first person to control him.
Lichen So then I said her dress looked like sausage casing-
Aspen: Good start, good start, but you gotta move past the bodyshaming eventually.
Freesia: Says the girl who said that same thing to her dead mother's ghost.
Lichen: Birds of a feather, huh Auntie Aspen.
Later...
Aspen: How DARE you interfere in my life? I'm gonna rob a train and there's nothing you can do about it.
Freesia: I didn't say anything gahdamn.
Aspen: Wow good dancing guys. Mum, is that a death drop but you're actually dying? And Candice, come on, I've seen statues try harder to bust a move.
Candice: You've met my son, I literally couldn't give less of a fuck about your words.
Freesia: Your criticisms don't count when you're in a mood dear, we all know that.
Thanks to the Granite Falls fish, Buckthorn completed his aspiration. BUT I'll let them stay on vacation anyway.
Freesia: Strongly considering running off into the woods and letting that child figure her own shit out.
Lichen: Y'know, I don't know how you live with yourself. Being so useless and all. You can't even throw one horseshoe.
Candice: Listen you little...darling-
Freesia: Dunno why you didn't expect this, breeding with my son and all.
Lichen: I mean, I know full well Father didn't even want me and he's STILL the better parent.
Candice: What's the goal of all this?
CanduceL I don't appreciate you criticising me in front of my son-
Freesia: And I don't really have much care for that, dear. Leave an old biddy in peace, won't you.
Why are you drinking coffee at 11.30pm, Candice?
Apparently that's where Aspen went. Oh well, happy grandchildren Freeesia.
Freesia: Dear Lord I should just go live in the ocean fulltime.
The morning...
Candice: I've just eaten this brain-boosting poke bowl, ready to get trounced?
Freesia: Ah, the great outdoors...is that a gnat buzzing in my head? A bee? What could the annoying sound be?
After Buckthorn woke up he brought his sister and son out to the national park. The other two didn't sleep all night so they can have some rest.
Aspen:...I've made a huge mistake. Babies will get in the way of my plans!
Plans?
Aspen: To be queen of the part of the ocean near Mum's house, OK?
Buckthorn isn't having a good time either.
Buckthorn: All I wanted was to fish in that beautiful brook...and then some freak in a bear suit jumped on me! The teeth were so real!
Not sure if that was a human, Buck...let's not dwell on that.
Buckthorn: *puff* Agree!
Lichen: Fuck the environment! Fuck your nature! This sludge and powder is 100% toxic and there's nothin' you can do about it!
Lichen: Yeah Dad I covered nature in more dye than a grocery store cupcake!
Buckthorn: Why are you talking to me again?
Lichen: Dad says you're having a baby, Auntie Aspen.
Aspen: Kid I'm a massive bitch but you're seven, let's not talk about this.
Lichen: Well say something! You're the only person who wants to talk to me.
This is Meagan, the lady who kinda obsessed over Buckthorn while he was learning fishing and had yet to meet Candice.
Buckthorn: Biggest mistake of your life. Plus aren't you like seventy? Where would it even incubate, lady?
Lichen:Ahhh. This is more like it. King of my domain, unbothered by others.
Because of COURSE Aspen and Buckthorn would leave this kid alone in the woods.
After a million tries and Buckthorn not getting anywhere, this flirty man came up.
Yusuf: Having trouble in the thick of it?
Buckthorn: Do I know you?
Yusuf: Oh you'll want to soon enough.
Buckthorn: Actually I don't, leave me to wallow in my failures as an outdoorsman.
Niow that he's done playing badass Lichen really is just a bit of a sad little gremlin child.
Lichen: You'll never leave me, right Mr Roboto?
Robot: Domo, domo?
Aspen: I think I'm going to be sick.
Lichen: That's it, Auntie. Riiight on the most endangered of flowers!
These two have made up.
Candice: See, I am a good mother. I can forgive you for saying such horrible things last night, Lichen.
Lichen: When I and Robot destroy the world, I may save you.
Buckthorn: How are we doing, family?
Candice: Your dad left you WHERE?
Lichen: It was actually really fun...I touched loads of weird plants, took Robot into a weird public bathroom-
Candice: BUCKTHORN-
Buckthorn: I think I'm in trouble!
Eh, she forgave him.
Candice: How could I not, that man just rocked my world!
Buckthorn: Kid was fine, see? He's happy by himself. I love you forever, Candi-bear.
Aspen: Eheheh...I'm so alone.
Aspen: Buck you're like 38 and still this bad at kissing.
Freesia: Saw everybody coming in here. What's that about?
Aspen: Come watch the show ma!
Buckthorn: Or...don't, you weirdos.
Candice: Seriously do you MIND-
Buckthorn whimmed a bunch of Candice-centred romance stuff and then to buy an arch, so I figured they'd do an evening elopement out here. Nicer than the last two Drifter weddings.
Candice: There's bugs in my face, this is not what I dreamed of-
Buckthorn: She's so beautifullll
Buckthorn: Seriously Candi. I'm so glad you gave me a chance and sorry about the bugs. We've made a pretty good life together and let's make it official now.
Candice: Awww, of course Buck. I wouldn't want anyone else.
Buckthorn: And for the ring! This is a homemade token of my love-
Candice: It better not be something from the ground-
Buckthorn: I smelted it in the moonshine machine!
Candice:..How?
And then Lichen took their bed.
Lichen: We can still have a wedding night, can't we?
Candice: Yep. One round and then I'm a blanket burrito.
Buckthorn: Wouldn't have it any other way.
Aspen: That was kinda sweet, wasn't it? Do you think I'll get married, Mum?
Freesia: What, d'you think that'll fix your life?
Aspen: Guess not, you're an example after all. Twice and no dice, huh.
Freesia: I do love our little talks, Asp.
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