Mercury: Come on jungle, I'm ready to crush you!
Did NOT realise the machetes were that big lol.
Chase: Woman we are friends with now for no reason! Do you need some fashion advice?
Mariko: Are you a stylist?
Chase: Comedian. And I dress like this. I will be a stereotypical gay friend to get rid of this eyesore of an outfit.
Mariko: Jacket's a bit much tho...
Chase: Oh how can you talk?
Yay Merc's athletic career was USEFUL.
Mercury: Knew I could crush it. I just scared a fucking jaguar.
Mercury: OK so I shouldn't have brought Mum, she's broken.
Deanna: AHHHH I'm melting!
I think we've got some glitchiness here. That or mod issues.
I wasn't about to doubt that Deanna could pull this off too. She's a badass.
Deanna: My fangs are bigger than yours, cat!
Mercury:...I thought I was special :(
Chase: You always said your dad was the crazy one, Merc...
Deanna: Hisss...raarrggh...get away, CAT!
Mercury: We're all mad here, Chase. That includes you.
Mercury: And here we have - oh fuck OFF bugs this is my treasure moment.
Deanna: *literally did all the work unlocking this path*
Back at home...
Phobos: Oh brother I fear I shall never find love!
Deimos: Haha yeah whatever, can I go set something on fire?
There's a fireplace, knock yourself out.
Deimos: Now that's a good start!
There's also a butler here? Who isn't Advaith the freak who raised the children?
Mariko: Good GOD I can't believe I'm serving you peasants.
Deimos: Say what you like, SERVant.
Felix: Who are you calling a pheasant?
Deimos: Seriously Granddad get a hearing aid already.
Felix: Well DEIMOS I'm so young I can read standing up.
Tethys: Lol yeah he's cracked. Can't believe I'll inherit this all one day-
Felix: But what about-
Tethys: Shhhhshshhhh don't say it.
Mariko: Little girl you do know this is a rental?
Mercury: Wanna celebrate with a little somethin' somethin'?
Mariko: MMMPH-
Chase: Get your arm out of her boob and it's a yes!
Tethys: What is wrong with you people.
Phobos is listening to lullabies. Odd choice for him but OK.
Phobos: Oh, the songs I'd sing to the children I would have, if I was lovable-
Rigel: Hey look he's finally being realistic about himself. Jungle air's doing you good!
Phobos: Oh shut up I know I'm fabulous, just engaging in dramatics.
This is the only place with 8 beds. So everybody's bunking. It's like summer camp.
Deimos: Except for Granddad's goddamn old man snores.
Mercury: There's a reason he sleeps in the shed normally.
Chase: You're not an angel, how can one man read SO LOUDLY-
Mercury: How are you gonna pick on me when Mum is yelling into the mirror?
Deanna: Cos I'm fucking untouchable, everybody knows.
And another one gone, another one gone, another one bites the dust.
Deanna: Fucking. Untouchable.
Yes dear.
The next morning...
Tethys: Well that was the worst sleep I've ever had in my life.
Mariko: Oh, little girl. You fool. You should have simply been too good to bunk in with them all.
Who let the Al twins get OLD?
Alsephina: And who let you wear that hat?
Aldebaran: Shut up Seph it looks cool.
Rigel: Daaaamn when did we hire a statue?
Mariko: I'm doing my job PROPERLY you little shit!
Felix: Get the stick out of your ass it was kind of a funny joke.
Mercury: Whatever, non-heir.
Rigel: How is Granddad better at this?
Mercury: Sure he is. Tell me his name, Dad.
Felix: You don't know it either.
Mercury: God I deserve better than this trash.
Deanna: *still machete'ing away*
Mercury: Like why is it so filthy, did they not know I was coming?
I mean, no?
Deanna: Hmm...so I can hear the whispers, and I think I know what those glyphs mean - Merc, dear, don't touch that lightning.
Mercury: God Mum I'm not stupid.
Deanna: I'm telepathic and I know you wanted to.
Mercury: UGH treasure hunting with your vampire Mum - so embarrassing.
Nobody else is here!
Next floor!
Mercury: I see...bowls. Maybe I could use Mum's help, but don't tell her!
Mercury: Shut up skeleton! I can SEE you laughing at me.
Deanna: That's my son, he's....he is. Yeah.
Mercury: You didn't like my stoned joke? Come on, your eyes are red.
Carving: I'm made of wood you imbecile.
Yeah so that didn't work. He examined another one and only ruled out one option. He's low on social and Deanna had to head home to feed. So...back to the rental we go.
Carving: Begone, THOT
Back at home...
Rigel: Yeah! Go for the neck, Grandma!
Mariko: That's not what I-
Deanna: Oh hush, I'd never do that, totally irresponsible.
Rigel: Mmmmhm.
Mariko: Like I said, wrist.
Felix: As IF she's going for the wrist.
Mercury: I just can't believe my joke was rejected!
Chase: Uh...there there.
Mercury: Seriously you're in your underwear, and I'm so sad it's not doing anything for me.
Felix: Gonna pretend I didn't hear that.
Chase: And we pretend you're not here, Mr S - oh come on, Merc. That was funny.
Mercury: *sniffle*
Rigel: Hey look Teth, one hand.
Tethys: But who's on their second aspiration?
Rigel:...Low blow.
Phobos: I'm starting to think I'm not the main character.
Deanna: Boy you're looking at her.
Phobos: I was thinking it actually might be *sniffle* Teth...
Deanna: I mean we haven't had a female heir, it's true.
Deimos: Enjoy your dusty artefacts and paper cuts, guys, I'm off to make art!
Mercury: *cough* Whatever.
Phobos: Do we pay that butler to read?
Mariko: You people haven't payed me yet, actually.
Deanna: When did you two become friends?
Mariko: Oh Mercury, you're the only one I can stand talking to.
Mercury: That's cos I have standards. I harbour affection for my family but really, they're - wonderful, hi Mum.
Deanna: I understand perfectly now.
Mercury: What's not to get, Mum? Baseballs!
Deanna: I've had more coherent conversations with your toddlers!
Mercury: God guys I think I'm a fucking wizard.
Different game pack.
Mercury: But I was looking and...suddenly one of these crazy dig sites! Aaaahhh!
Meanwhile most of the kids are just...
Tethys: We're busting moves, gawd. Don't look the dance god in the eye.
Phobos: This is just to fill the void my non-existent girlfriend is leaving...
Rigel: That ain't healthy, bro. Get a hobby.
Deimos is clearly the most productive child of the morning.
Mariko: OW the door.
Mercury: Look at this mask, Mariko! It's terribly rare.
Mariko: Well the door- whatever, great find, can you-.
Mercury: NO, it's rare but terrible.
Mariko:...Right. Now get a goddamn hammer or something, my stomach has been perforated!
Deanna: This is fine. I'm a vampire I can handle a poxy - OW - curse.
Deanna got a Personal Sun Blessing or something.
Deanna: Surely that's quite ironic...OK, so they've got spears and mosaics and....pelvises?
Skeletons: Pervert.
It was all good in the end! Merc got to the end of the temple with big treasures and a Self-care Blessing. He's also finished two levels of his Archaeology Scholar aspiration.
Deanna: We're the perfect mother-son duo.
Felix: Why did they have to come?
Rigel: Awww Granddad you love us really!
Tethys: I really don't think he does.
Mercury: So? Am I the boss or what?
Chase: Absolutely.
Deanna: Definitely! Did you boys remember everyone?
Felix:...Dammit we forgot Deimos. I'm not going back!
Deimos: Come in, it's really nice!
Phobos:...Am I hallucinating? I'm pretty sure we forgot you.
Deimos: Yeah. It was hurtful. But there's magic, dude. Selvadorada magic.
Tethys: Race me for the heirship bitches!
Phobos: I don't need to, it's out of my hands.
Rigel: And that's character development.
Deanna: Would anybody like to catch some rays?
Chase: Lol wall.
Overall the family finished off their vacation having a nice swim in the Omiscan baths.
Merc: C'mere you.
Tethys: I'm gonna swim off the planet I swear.
Phobos: God really do they have no dignity?
Rigel: Says the boy complaining that he doesn't have love 24/7.
Phobos: You'll understand when you're older.
Chase: You think our kids need us?
Mercury: Nah.
Rigel finished his aspiration here also. Picked another one cos that flashing button annoys me but let's not pretend I give half a shit about what it is. Their birthday is tomorrow.
Back at the rental...
Chase: Wanna hear another one son?
Deimos: PLEASE bother someone else I'm literally the only one doing anything.
Mercury: Hey Deimos I'm making a llama, come see.
Deimos: Bother SOMEONE ELSE! Im literally a LONER this vacation was already hell!
At some point Merc tanked his relationship with Tethys. Meaning he put the bar to halfway, which is about where it's at with his sons.
Mercury: The aliens in Dad's head didn't mean it. C'mon, mini-me, let's be friends again.
Tethys: We're not the same!
Chase: For one thing she's female.
Mercury and Tethys: Shut up!
Mercury: I'll buy you a puppy?
Tethys: I like cats. You don't know me at all.
Tethys: Seriously. If we're gonna be friends I want my damn cat.
Mercury: Yeah alright, just wait for your grandpa to kick it.
Tethys: Why did you feed him that youth potion?
Mercury: Fuck knows honestly.
The next morning everybody is back.
Mercury: Sooo...vacation good?
Chase: You definitely tried, I'll give you that Merc.
Felix is working on his rocket.
Felix: I'll show you kicking the bucket.
He may have heard Merc and Tethys talking lol.
Felix: Wait what did THEY say? I was referring to my wife...
Guess who else finally finished his cursed aspiration?
Chase: This guy?
He's working on Musical Genius next.
Chase: With all the time I've spent in this little room I've got quite the affection for this keyboard. Also, Deanna can help me. Also this is way harder than I thought.
Then I made him switch to violin cos he actually had a skill level in that.
Chase: You're no fun.
THEN I saw this.
Bike: Making my way downtown-
Guess who's back?
Mercury: Who let it in the house?
Advaith: I can't believe you guys abandoned me!
Mercury: I miss Mariko already.
Advaith: You CHEATED?
Mercury: Really, really miss that cranky bitch.
Tethys: You missed my candles but who really cares?
OHHHH lord she's pretty.
Tethys: And everybody's gonna know it. Also, I want that cat, seriously.
She added Cat Lover to her traits and got the Serial Romantic aspiration.
Yeah she's heir. Sorry Phobos, I'll get you a partner and all, but...Tethys. Tethys is my favourite.
Mercury: Ayay!
Celeste: Oh FUCK THIS I am so sick of fake houses! Buy a real one scrub!
This is one of the girls Phobos knows. Dunno if we'll 'get' her she's interesting.
Rigel: C'mon why won't it work.
Tethys: You've got no breath power, little bro. Hurry up, you're lagging.
Rigel: Well I wasn't going to age up smelly was I?
Rigel: Sparkle sparkle...
HELP also so cute. Why can't you be my heir, Rigel?
Tethys: HEY!
Phobos: Yeah I give up on being loved like the younger twins.
He got Hot-Headed and Successful lineage.
Rigel: I believe I also need a person, and-
Deimos: Wow I'm the only person with an actual skill-based aspiration.
Advaith: No! I am not giving you my precious red juice-
Deanna: It was more of a courtesy than true request, dear-
Tethys: Wow this guy just doesn't learn does he.
Deimos: Leave me alone to game, gawd.
Tethys: Welp, off to curl up in a ball of embarrassment. I only finished my homework 2 minutes before you started. I'm better than this.
Rigel: Clearly you're not tho.
Here are the twins' makeovers. Facially they're both p similar, with Merc's eyes and Chase's mouth. Teth has Merc's nose but Rigel has the Bheeda nose.
Tethys: God I can't believe I'm related to you losers.
Phobos: Is this how I sounded when I thought I'd be heir?
Rigel: If the shoe fits wear it bro!
Deimos: Now relax and be normal.
Tethys: Normal? Since when is thsi family normal?
Chase: Wooooow I can't believe I'm touching your beautiful expensive violin-
Deanna: Yeah, I can always take that away from you. Now let's hope you're a better musician than comedian.
Chase: You wound me Dede.
Caleb: How about you step your crackhead self away from the young lady, Gabriella? On my honour-
Tethys: Great. Macho posturing. Is this what men are like?
Gabriella: Make me, Caleb. I know you're scared of the way my wrinkles wiggle.
Caleb:...No, but pls don't do it.
Tethys: Fucking sigh.
Pollux: So this is how the world ends.
Vela: Shut it, I've totally mellowed out.
Pollux: You threw a rock at a teenager yesterday.
The morning...
Deimos: Damn Grandma is there anything you're not good at?
Deanna: Eh. Probably not. You guys think I should do another degree?
Chase: Yeah, it's hard to keep self-esteem in this house.
Deanna: Put a shirt on and then talk to me.
Mercury: Where are you TOOLBOX?
Tethys: Some things never change. Can't believe I find it comforting.
Phobos: Rotten food, sister? Maybe that heirship isn't so fixed...
Tethys: I make one mistake, your whole life is a mistake-
Phobos: Bitch I know I was more planned than you!
Deanna: *twang twang twang* How are they having an argument to these dulcet tones?
Chase: How the HELL does Merc do this every day? I have more - ugh - respect for him now!
Dipper's actually a handsome sim in his middle age. Pity he's the butt of the joke.
Dipper: There's a reason I'm not stopping in for tea.
And of COURSE we know where Merc gets it from.
Felix: Gasp! I'm a starman!
Deanna is working on her next aspiration, Leader of the Pack.
Deanna: Look at me, now look at you. You're in your underwear in my pool, whereas I own this pool and a real swimsuit. Also, art skills. I have them.
Aileen: I suppose you're right,
Deanna: Shouldn't I lead your little art club?
Aileene: It's the Complementary Colours-
Deanna: Yeah whatever Aileen, what's it gonna be?
Deanna: You do understand this may kill you, right dear?
Felix: If I die in your arms I'll die happy.
Deanna: Oh you.
Felix: Plus I know you people want to replace me with a cat.
Julianna is also somebody Phobos knows-
Julianna: Yeah, whatever, I heard renowned all-star Mercury lives here.
Unfortunately for both of you he's at work. I know he'd love the validation.
Julianna: A shame, but I can come back. He's a bit old for me, but-
Uhhhh no he's gay and married and you go to school with his son.
Felix: Yeah so I'm 0.1 seconds away from a heart attack.
Deanna: I did tell you. And it wasn't even that good.
Felix: Well I couldn't let you just back up onto the buttons, that way we'd both die.
Deanna: Bold of you to assume anything can kill me.
Julianna: Yeah you might look like Merc but you're far lamer.
Phobos: Aw, wait, c'mon, I have other jokes-
Tethys: His lack of game astounds me. And this is why I should be heir.
Rigel: Deimos. Deimos please. I can't solve for x. Why are there letters?
Deimos: Byeee enjoy your socialising I'm gonna lock myself in the skill room.
But not for long.
Deimos:Why are you in here you COLD CORNDOG I just wanted ONE moment of quiet and I couldn't even have that? Go die!
Felix: I mean, soon-
Deimos: I hope your pillow is warm tonight in HELL! I hope the demons crush your self-esteem!
Felix: Where in the hell is this coming from I'm so confused-
This is all people do when they come to the house.
Eirene: It's not like anyone in there is so appealing.
Phobos: Wow Rige you're like...bad at this.
Rigel: At least I can talk to girls.
Phobos: Lol when has he ever?!
Tethys: He had quite a nice conversation with Julianna. And 'cos you can't make a move she's fair game-
Rigel: Stop pot-stirring Teth. She helped me with maths.
Tethys: First maths, then-
Phobos: Don't finish that sentence, woman. Boundaries.
Tethys: Ahhh it's so easy to make you two uncomfortable.
Advaith: Le gasp! How!
Deanna: I would stop wiping his memory but the shock is so funny!
Good my A S S
Dede's eternal sadness is getting to her again.
Advaith: I will stand respectfully, but I will not feel sorry for you, cruel mistress.
Deanna: *sob* Fair enough!
Mercury: Is this really gonna work...jk of course it will, I'm Merc and I"m a fucking wizard.
God I love Tethys's face.
Tethys: As you sh - wait a minute, NPC says what?
Meanwhile...
Just a casual in-law duo practicing music half naked.
Deanna: There's a reason I'm facing the wall.
Chase: 'Cos you're not on my level?
Deanna: Don't even, boy. You're not on mine and you know it.
Phobos: How I love having a personal servant.
Deimos: You do know he works for the whole family?
Advaith: Master Deimos, you must remember that your brother needs to live his fantasy.
Deimos: Did he tell you to say that?
Advaith: If I keep up the illusion until school, I get a cookie
Chase: Well good morning, handsome.
Mercury: Chase. Please. Control yourself around my heir.
Tethys: It's chill, dads. I'm closing my eyes. And I'm used to blocking out what you say so so I don't have to cover my ears.
Mercury: That's g - hey wait!
Chase: She got you there.
Mercury: Son. Is this what you wear to school? You disappoint me sometimes.
Rigel: How is other Dad sitting there in his old underwear for the world to see, and I'm getting lectured?!
Mercury: Just a suggestion.
Chase: Plus it's not like I go to work like this. Though I could, I'm one-
Tethys: Dunno what's brought this on, Dad, but please stop.
Advaith: Sir, you're watering more of my leg than the plants.
Chase: Am I? Dearie me my watering can has slipped!
Advaith: Right.
Chase: Oooh someone's getting sassy.
Advaith: Please stop.
Chase: Fuck I already hate this.
Advaith: Welcome to my age group...ooh, middle-aged back pain, it's a bitch.
Chase: Fuuuuck.
Merc went too of course.
Mercury: At least this time I'm younger!
He got a few new shirts and a new haircut. I think this hair really suits him; he's such a handsome sim.
Deanna: Good day at school, kids?
Deimos: Everybody is a moron.
Tethys: I got caught playing games in a computer lesson.
Rigel: Failed an algebra test...
Phobos: Gonna be alone forever.
At least the older twins got their As.
I built a sort of club/teen hangout place for the kids to meet people, since 3/4 of them have love/family aspirations.
Deimos: Fuck this!
Tethys why are you asking this man about WooHoo, he's like 28.
Corbin: No, I'll tell her.
Tethys: Good!
Uggghhh this was a bad idea.
Deimos: Agreed.
Yeah I probably could've just left him at home.
Deimos: I wish you had, this is my worst nightmare.
Tbh fair, as it was kind of a bust. The lost was supposed to be teen hangout, but all we got was creepy adults, including the aforementioned Corbin.
Phobos: Sorry about my brother, the mood-killer.
Julianna: Bitch the mood killer is you inviting me round at 10pm. Like come on, your intentions cannot be good.
Rigel: Phobos isn't like that. And you came over anyway.
Julianna: Shut up Rigel.
Phobos: Yeah, shut up Rigel.
They've having a great time.
Rigel: I sure am! I relish in the awkwardness.
Mercury: Wow son, you finally lured a girl over, and she's pretty too!
Phobos: DAD-
Julianna: OK this is really weird. See you at school, Phobos.
Or not because she immediately aged up after she left lol.
Chase got a promotion, which is nice.
The next morning, we have a throwback! Collecting!
Mercury: You promised. You promised I was done!
Well I've run out of things for you to do! All your artefacts are uncovered, your work tasks are done...
Hey look, our twins are kind of twinning.
Tethys + Rigel: Oh shit.
Rigel: OK, so it's just the turquoise...
Tethys: And the glasses, we both have glasses!
Rigel: And brown hair!
Tethys: A lot of people have brown hair tho.
Chase: Hello there son.
Phobos: I swear we have vacation days!
Mckenzie: Yeah...totally.
Chase: Yeah I know. How many girls now?
Mckenzie: What?
Phobos: oh my GOD why can't you two work regular day jobs?
Deimos also has the day off. Also to do aspiration stuff.
Deimos: Lol look I'm painting Phobos a girlfriend.
Mckenzie: Your family's pretty weird aren't they?
Phobos You're telling me. I honestly wish they weren't here half the time...
Mckenzie:...Well one of my relatives just died. Maybe appreciate them.
Phobos: Kind of wish you'd led with that.
Mercrcury: Raaaarggghhh fuck you wall.
Deimos: Well. Not gonna get into that, let's paint some more!
Phobos: You're more beautiful than anybody else I've ever seen!
Mckenzie: Wow, that's definitely not true, but I'll take it, I get what you're doing!
They're on a date now.
Mckenzie: Wow Phobos your house is sweet, it even comes with a bartender.
AdvaithL I am a highly trained graduate of Butler school-
Phobos: I mean my sister's gonna kick me out soon.
Mackenzie: Well just keep a set of keys, silly.
They're actually cute. He revealed his crush pretty quickly and they've been flirting a lot.
Anyway, first kiss!
Tethys: We have As. Now can I please get kissed already.
Rigel: Why don't you say that louder, Teth, so everyone knows?
Tethys: They should. I'm on the hunt.
Arian: Wow Dad was right you really are dysfunctional.
Deanna: Which one is your dad, dear? Oh it doesn't matter, they'd all say teh asme thing.
Arian: He's Pollux.
Felix: Pollux, yeah. He was definitely my least favourite.
Arian: I'm not a fan of him either.
The date's going well. Too well.
Super classy, guys.
Mckenzie: Shhhh they might see us!
Phobos: Who? Nobody in my family is outside!
Deimos: Go away you stupid little kid! I don't care about your crush and I don't care that we were frineds ONCE when I was a stupid little kid!
AVerie: I just wanted to catch up - what is happening in that bush?
Deimos: Who cares Just go away?
This is the kid Deimos met ages ago. She's so cute, but it looks like she won't be a spouse.
Tethys came out to say hi.
Tethys: Deimos. You piece of shit. That's not being a loner, you're just being an asshole.
Deimos: I am also 'mean'-
Tethys: I don't give a shit! Apologise or I will beat you around the head with your own damn easel, you worthless jag.
Averie: It's OK, maybe I was being annoying-
Tethys: No, it's not. If I were you I'd never talk to this loser again! I only talk to him 'cos I happen to be his sister!
Rigel: Look, Teth's right. Don't take the stupid crap that Deimos says personally. He's an asshole.
Averie: Yeah...I could make way better friends within your family.
Rigel: Sure, I mean Teth just defended you, and I think she's awesome.
Averie: Yeah, Teth's great...
Rigel: Nope nope nope, your birthday is in two days, talk about this then, I'm no nonce!
Averie: But-
Dunno why Averie strikes me as the type of girl who thinks she's in love with anyone who talks to her, but she does...
Annd a promotion for Mercury!
Mercury: Guess what Teth dear, your dad is now the MVP of the Willow Creek SimLeague of-
Tethys: I'mma stop you right there Dad, that means nothing to me.
Hhhh Deimos is flirty ONLY to paint a painting, and of course Phobos's flirty almost girlfriend wonders up here.
Mckenzie: Phobos never mentioned he had brothers!
Deimos: Cos we're competition, and he'd lose.
Mckenzie: Haha you're funny...what was it again?
Deimos: You can call me Deimos...cos it is my name. Yeah.
Phobos and Mckenzie: *whisper whisper whisper*
Deimos: Wow, right here, out of all the rooms.
And finally! This save really got laggy in the last couple days. I don't wanna move tho, it's a pain.
Mercury: *mutters* Finally the world let me start this book.
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