Drifting for Miles - House 2, Part 5


Buckthorn: LP said I would be bullied for this fabulous hair!

He grew up in a similar one so I couldn't resist.

LP: Actually I said I would lead the bullying. WTF is this.


LP: Nah it's all in good fun. You do look stupid tho bro.

Buckthorn: See this trashcan? I'll shove you in it first.


Daisy: Do you own other outfits?

Freesia: With a body this good why hide it?


Freesia: See? I own this too. Off to work now, please watch my horrible children.

Daisy: Why won't this stupid computer work I wanna play Fallout!

LP: Well it's very old, I think stepmum found it in a dumpster but if u wanna send us a little something, wink wink!


Buckthorn: Oh Dolly. I love you the most. Not that there's a lot of competition.


Iosefina: Freesia's little sis, right? Can I just use that-

Daisy: Shut UP I'm in the middle of a battle.

Iosefina: You sound like one of my sons!...I'm kidding. They never use that thing. It's all dolls and potent chemicals.


Iosefina: I got my driver's license last week-

Daisy: Now I'm really mad! You're in your fifties, stop!


Freesia got a promotion. Also Daisy adopted a teenage boy. Bit odd considering she's barely an adult herself.


The result of beachcombing...

Freesia: I fuckin hate seagulls.


LP: What is this loser doing in my room?

All your skill stuff is in the other one so...he's sleeping?

LP: Well get him out!


Freesia: Uggghhhhh the microphone is really heavy and I'm TIRED.

You have a reward trait specifically against this.


LP: LOL you're uncomfortable. I can teeeelll. Get out of my room.

Buckthorn: This is the bathroom you moron. I saw everything! You get out. And I hope you die slipping on the puddles.


Meanwhile their mother is rebelling so hard she impaled herself with her own mic stand.

Freesia: People with traumatic brain injuries don't do work. It's proven. Horses?


That is TEN shells, let's move onto the next tier. Which will be unaltered.


Iosefina: It's almost like I didn't quit being a repairwoman sometimes...

LP: I know. To think your own son would have done the breaking.

Freesia: If you're confessing, good.

Buckthorn: That could be either of us, dummy.

LP: Fine. Buckthorn did it.

Buckthorn: What? I didn't even bathe! MUM, he's lying-

Freesia: I think I believe him, you have always kind of been a little shit.


ALL SHE DOES.

Iosefina: So happy together...I think. Wait where is my wife?


Freesia: Yay. Raw taro root.

Sorry that's all you're eating. At least until you've eaten ten.

She then ate like four spinaches so that's half already. Nice job Freesia.


LP: Told you you'd get bullied. Did they shove you in the dumpster by the bike rack or the one in the cafeteria?

Buckthorn: Maybe I could have used that shower. I might have had you not broken it.

LP: Heh. I think Mums are gonna ground you for that one.

Buckthorn: I really hate you.


LP: Now is this the stuff to finish the slime or the really flammable stuff?

Buckthorn: I 'unno. But I'm probably gonna leave the room.


Iosefina: Dude. I already said we aren't friends and will never be.

Hugo: Pleeeaaasseee?

Iosefina: OK I'll think about it...no!


Fuifui: Oh son. Why oh why do you not have windows?

LP: A little busy here Dad - and I nearly blinded myself, thanks for the distraction.


Iosefina: -Freesia, I am so glad I met you. What would I do otherwise, be Fuifui's side chick? Imagine the horror.

Fuifui: I'm kind of right here...

Freesia: Yeah, I know. Keep roasting him. come on babe. He's pathetic.

Fuifui: I know but why'd you have to say it...


Iosefina: What? Another sister of Freesia's? Come back later, it's 9.30.

India: Who's Freesia?

Iosefina: My w - wait what are you doing here then?

India: Trying to rebel. Maybe this will make my mum notice me.


Fuifui:  *claps like a seal* Whooooo yeah you're doing amazing!

Freesia: Really? And I'm not even in the swim - wait, is it still about hte outfit?

Fuifui:...No!


Freesia: Please let this be the last one, I'm tired of raw herbs.


Freesia: YAY more murder of my brethren, very fun!

Next step is to cook 2 fish meals and unlock Gourmet Cooking. Which should get done tonight.


Done! Milestone 3 now, which is literally just to make a friend and plant one of each type of plant. So we're doing Coconut, Taro Root, Bird of Paradise and Sage.


Freesia: UGH! This is your fault Purple Blarffy!

Bucky: Uhhh...what? Who spit in your soup Mother?

Freesia: More like shit! Fucking SEAGULLS.

LP: Lol I'm glad I don't live your life.

Freesia: I hope you choke on that sandwich.

Bucky: Very violent, very amusing. I love this life.


Freesia: Sorry about that boys, it's been a trying night.

LP: Yeah I'm...a little terrified.

Buckthorn: Wimp. I thought it was great, Mum, what an act.

Freesia: Right. An act. Look, LP, if you choked I would give you the Heimlich.

Buckthorn: Do you know the Heimlich?

Freesia: Well no but how hard can it be?

LP: I'm screwed.


Buckthorn: Screw you, trash! Give me the legacy and let ME build this house.

LP: Please do, I wanna watch him fail.

Freesia:...Where is THIS coming from?


Freesia: Hi Auntie Nalani. It's been a while.

Nalani: I do miss your family, your parents haven't called in ages...

Freesia: They're probably busy being in love and junk, it's gross.

Caroline: Who's this lady?

Nalani: What brings you here then, Freesia?


Caroline: Don't mind Mum. She's always crying. Dad says it's instability.

Freesia: Nice to meet you too, kid....anyway, I've got sons.

Nalani: *sniff* The girls age up very soon, they'll be too old for-

Caroline: Wow Mum. Thanks.

Freesia: Don't worry! We can just wait to join the families. Buckthorn is a...well he's a child.

Caroline: A winning endorsement.


Caroline: Actually Miss Freesia you seem pretty cool.

Freesia: That's the spirit, kid.

Nalani: Hopefully you or your sister will think teh same of her boys.

Freesia: Huh. You really wanna become part of my family, it seems.

Nalani:...Well yes! You've been there for me even at my lowest points, which is just-

Freesia: Aw this is so sweet but I gotta piss, byeee.


Freesia: Hey. Eliana, right?

Eliana:...Yeah. How'd you know?

Marshall: Just gonna make sure Nal isn't arranging our daughter's marriages...

Eliana: What now? Nononono I'm only eleven.

Freesia: We can aaaaalways wait, chill out Bheedas!


Nalani: -but what would be the problem? Those Sutherlands, they're so great!

Marshall:..You really are twisted, Nal. I should have listened to Gavin.

Nalani: I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that!

Buckthorn: So we're here...?

LP: I have no idea what to do. Or say.


LP: Heeeyyyyyy

Eliana: Dude no, try again.

Caroline: Uh so...personal space? Please?

Yeah so there wasn't exactly beautiful friendships forming.


Iosefina: So what does this random man 'Marshall' say...'our wives are trying to marry off our kids'. What? Oh whatever, I'll just game and celebrate my promotion.


I'm worried about Buckthorn. He's tired and he's still ocean-swimming.

Buckthorn: What? I'm a mermaid...merMAN...like Mum and she sleeps in the ocean!

Your fins aren't in yet!


They got a fancy new bed, yayyyy. Now Freesia will need less sleep.

Freesia: I still want the same amount.

....Nah.


Buckthorn: Alright. You win. My tail won't grow so I'll sleep in bed like a normie.

Thank you. I was so worried he'd drown and we'd have to have another heir. Who really would be too young for one of the Mahi'ai-Bheeda girls.


LP: Don't tell anyone I said this but I almost - ugh, gross- am glad you're alive after your ocean misadventure.

Buckthorn: Yeah. I thought of Mums, then the twins, and then you as I struggled. Made me realise hey, I've only got one brother.

LP: Same. And a sister too. I WIN in terms of siblings.

Buckthorn: Why is everything a damn competition?


Also Freesia practiced Charisma on the twins yesterday which made them friends. So that's milestone 3 done.

Now to max cooking, find 5 frogs and sleep outside for 24 hours. And after I just bought the nice bed.


Julia: It's me, Jules! We met in-

Freesia: I don't care and I don't think I know you, but you can stay, I need to practice my people skills.

Julia: Well yeah, definitely. You were just really rude.


Freesia: Well heyo Dad, almost thought you forgot me. Wanna see my comedy?

Julia: You should. It's really good. I got a personal roast. It was so devastating!

Freesia: Yeah and she paid me nearly £200.

Miles: Guess comedy is a viable job...


Miles: Seriously you're still using the swimsuit shtick?

Freesia: Works on every man but those related to me, so yes?


Miles: So you're gonna drift next, huh? You look like you're not made of stern stuff.

Buckthorn: Sure, just start insulting me Grandpa...

Miles: Sorry, it's just the truth. Why you'll break your glasses the first day!

Buckthorn: I have had a BAD 24 hours just leave me alone.

Miles: Freesia did mention you nearly drowned. C'mon kid, toughen up!


Miles EXCUSE ME

Miles: I do think your uni dresseralls are a good outfit, yes...

Julia: Perrrfect.

Freesia: She's just salty I roasted her for - Dad what are you doing?!


Freesia: Dad.

Miles: Sorry. Guess I still got it though.

Freesia: Cheat on Mum if you like, it's not like I ever liked her.

Miles: Now Freesia-

Freesai: What? It's true! She's clearly not a fan of me considering it's my adult birthday and she hasn't visited me here once!


After what happened with Julia I went to go play Miles' home to quickly check and...

MILES! Shame on you! Here I was thinking it was just one flirt but NO this is a full-on romance. Roxana appears to be none the wiser.


On a cuter note here is Hyacinth's daughter Melody. 

Melody: Grandma's oblivious and Grandpa's a whore.

Too right. Anyway I guess Hyacinth's line is taking over this house. As I should have guessed, Hyacinth would want to inherit something.


Freesia: Turns out my dad's a cheating - let's not use that word. Anyway you're growing up into a teen soon, don't be that way.

LP: I probably won't. I'm uncontrollable and will probably only whine and fight with other Mum and Buck over the computer.

Freesia: Self-awareness, gotta love it!


Freesia: I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to be having biscuits at 10pm.

Buckthorn: And I'm pretty sure I don't listen to you.


The Morning...

Freesia: And it's time to take it down a notch, yeah, here we go-

LP: Does she have to do that right here?

Iosefina; She changed your pee-soaked nappies, have some appreciation.

LP: Guess so. And she makes basically all the money here.

Iosefina: Oh that too.


Freesia: Wish I hadn't aged up in front of the mirror...I can see every change. Every line, every wrinkle-

Bitch where u look good.


Buckthorn: Mother/ How dare you disrespect your heir and push me out of the way?

Freesia: Look if you want to risk electrocution and poke around in here, be my guest.


Buckthorn: So I have detention 'as long as I attend this school'-

LP: I told you not to do it.

Buckthorn: It was only supposed to be one of the fire alarms.

LP: And yet fifty freed frogs, one broken bone and an entire hallway covered in foam later...


LP:...I don't care if you're my uncle, get out of my room.

Acorn: Now I just wanted to know my family-

LP: So why didn't I meet you before?

Acorn: Life's hard sometimes, OK kid!


Gunther: What do you say bb?

Iosefina:...Do I know you?


Another kid for Daisy.


And another half-sibling for London Plane.


Buckthorn: I have finally gotten it right...my favourite shade of green. Oh and it's a laxative to-

You are not taking that to school.


Buckthorn: Hey LP, guess what-

LP: What I belong in that bin?

Buckthorn: Nope. Definitely had something cleverer to say. It's coming to me. I swear.


Freesia: No! Plants! Grow for me! I'll squawk you I swear!

LP: I am so glad it's time for school.

Dammit Freesia. What kid says that?


Iosefina: Good lord I'm not ready for this. The wrinkles, the exhaustion. I have to wonder, what were you complaining about Freesia, you little-

Freesia: I'm gonna give you time to process this, Fina.


Freesia: So. Mistress of my father. You WILL hear all my material and give feedback, or I'mma blow your whole life up. I've got your husband's contact details, don't try me.

Julia: Understood.

Freesia: Tips too.

Julia: Ughhh you little bitch.


Julia: Look, I'm sorry. I know it's wrong but your dad is just so-

Freesia: He's my dad. Don't explain this to me. Give me my feedback.


Freesia: Ooooooh Eliana shouldn't you be in school?

Eliana: Well-

Freesia: Nah I'm just fuckin' with you. I don't care.


LP: I can already tell these flares aren't a look. Dammit birthday Gods!

Buckthorn: And I think I don't care.

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