The Name Game

Ophira: Oh Sam, I miss you...and even more, I miss somebody reminding me how awesome me and my life are!

Adrian: Surely that knowledge should come from within?

Ophira: Oh shut up, what do you know?

Adrian: Well, you can't say I didn't try.

Chesmu: Mwahahaha. Auntie Thirza forgot to lock the door! I've already spilled a full juicebox!

Adrian: Y'know I thought I was banned from cooking after last time!

If you can't figure out how salad is an exception I'm banning you from life.

WELL

Chaim: C'mon. I'm gonna marry your sister eventually. But before that happens, haven't you ever wondered-

Thirza: UH, not REALLY?

Cybil: Sorry what.

Darius: Ohohoho I smell drama a-brewing.

Cybil: You'll smell your own ass cos I'll kick your head up there-

Chaim: Get a load of this!

Thirza: No thank you.

Cybil:...after I'm done with him!

Chaim: How dare you trick me?

Thirza: You started this all along!

Chaim: It's not like you rejected me that strongly!

Thirza: That's 'cos I'm LONELY! And I would never actually.

Chaim: Oh really?

Cybil: What the FUCK are they yelling about in my BEDROOM?! I will CHECK - after I piss. Stupid baby. Hey, Uncle Darius, would you-!

Darius: Sooooo....what's good?

Chaim: OK, OK. Sorry I got mad. I'm just saying there's always been a vibe, hasn't there Thirz?

Thirza: I don't always hate you, it's true. And you were nice about the Hannah thing.

Chaim: Good enough to me.

Thirza: You're a shitbag. But a cute shitbag. Gah, I can't do this to Cyb.

Darius: No, you can't. Seriously she's blackmailing me, if you do that's my old nudes all over the interwebs!

Thirza: Uncle Darius I don't care, ew.

Cybil: SORRY PINK BLARFFY, I need some fucking PRACTICE!

Thirza: So Chaim...

Chaim: Thirz...gimme one shot.

Cybil: I am right here!

Thirza:...She's always been a brat anyway. I should have been heiress all along.

Cybil: Fucking dead to me!

This is Chaim's fault, ish. A few flirts in and he whimmed to WooHoo with her immediately. I went for it to see if it would actually work, and...

Thirza, thinking: God it's so long I need someone to scratch that itch.

Chaim. thinking: Sweet I'm gonna win that bet.

Ophira got pregnant by a rando while all this was going on.

Chaim: Maybe I'll stop having that dream now.

Thirza: Sorry what?...Yeah, I can't talk.

Cybil: Wake up dickwad and help me pack your suitcase!

Chaim: What a beautiful morning to - oh shit, right.

Cybil: Indeed. You're lucky you're father to my children or I'd end you :). Get packing.

Chaim: Wait you're serious? Oh Cyb, it wasn't supposed to go so far! Please, you're my only-

Cybil: Aw. You're so pathetic I almost want to change my mind. Almost. Seriously, get packing or I'm waking up Dad. And telling him everything. He's got a lot of muscle for a 70yo and hates you, so-

Chaim: Not that, anything but that. I'm leaving, OK?!

Because of Jude's maxed fitness he can 'Practice Fighting'.

Chaim: This doesn't feel like practice!

Jude: It's a misnomer, asshole! Eat these hands for breakfast and don't you dare take anymore of my hard-earned food!

Cybil: Thanks for beating him up a little, Dad.

Jude: No problem, dear. I've been waiting so long to do that!

Cybil: But this only happened last n - right.

Cybil: I can't believe you did this to me, Thirz.

Thirza: Well I'm not your biggest fan, and it's not like I ever really had a moral compass. Neither do you.

Cybil: That's not the point - God you two deserve each other, don't you?

Thirza: Oh please, as if I could live with this idiot full-time.

Chaim: No way could I handle romance with this harpy!

Thirza: Well!

Yven: I see that suitcase mother. I knew it, you lied! I have to move out to make room for that thing in your stomach!

Cybil: It's for your father. Because he's a cheating bastard. Happy?

Yven: Glad I get to stay and all but...no?

Cybil: Neither am I kid, join the club.

Cybil: Come on, hurry up, get out of my sight.

Jude: Yes PLEASE.

Chaim: Fine, fine. Bye kiddo, tell bye to your brother, Chess Piece, and I might be back at some point.

Cybil: Sigh...how has my life led to this?

Tosca: Sigh, I sense another romantic issue a-brewing.

Ophira:You betcha, I'm pregnant and the guy won't call me - another?

Tosca: Didn't you hear? Cybil finally got rid of Chaim.

Ophira: Poor guy-

Tosca: You spoke too soon dear, only after he had a dalliance with Thirza.

Ophira: Holy shit this family is a mess. Why do I even come round here anymore?

Tosca: Dear, I love you but it's not like you have friends out the wazoo or anything.

Jude: In my old age I can fight like that, but I definitely shouldn't-

Ophira: You know what, I'm sick of Mum being such a BITCH-

Yven: Sooo what's the word on the sandwich, Auntie Phira?

Ophira: Right, sorry, forgot we were doing that.

Cybil: The best revenge is living well and happy...and probably finding a really hot rebound, I could use that once this dumbass baby is out.

Chesmu: Tuna always finds a way. Especially when idiot uncles want to ask out girls.

Adrian: Our rivalry is a D-plot at best right now, silly.

Chesmu: Ooh, spill the tea.

Adrian: Nononono I'm not doing Cybil's dirty work this time, not after last weekend!

Thirza:...Cybil how did you even get Ritz crackers in this motherboard?

Cybil: Less asky, more worky please! This is your life now. You'll be repaying me forever.

Thirza: Yeah. I know.

Adrian: Wow Cyb you seem almost happier about this than you were sad about your break-

Cybil: Adrian zip it.

Azure got stuck in labour so I took pity on her and let her push the kid out.

Auzre: Lucky m - OWWWW

She had a little girl who I called Amara.

Back at the main house things are of course still a damn mess.

Adrian: Pick up the trash after you repair stuff, you tramp!

Thirza: Mmmm, listen, I may have made a big-ass mistake but that doesn't give you clout and I also still have my job as a judge. So watch out, dear brother.

Adrian:...I'll grab it.

Chesmu is the only one who is happy.

Cheesmu: You know me. I'm that mean art kid, living off chaos and craft glitter.

You do you, get that aspiration done!

Chesmu: On it chief. Someone's gotta accomplish something in this family.

Their skills aren't the problem, it's the everything else.

Chesmu: A boy can dream.

Jude: Thirza you do know you've ruined this family?

Thirza: Like it was ever functional.

Yven: I want a bowl of cereal, don't go too heavy on the milk, and orange juice - make sure it's without bits-

Adrian: I can't wait to move out.

Yven: Feeling's mutual, at least give me breakfast before your ass is on the street.

Tosca: Oooh yes please, and we can use the -

Jude: Living room, Tosca. We'll discuss this in another room.

Cybil: Well. My elderly parents get more action than me, fucking A.

Yven: Mum can you-

Cybil: Not nOWWWW, your sibling is coming!

Yven: I knew it. I knew this rejection would happen.

Cybil: I'll do it later, just sit tight!

It's a blue baby, and the first girl of the generation. This is Berwyn.

Berwyn: I sense I have been born into a Mess.

Cybil: No, it's fine! I mean, sure, your dad's a cheating idiot, your aunt's a traitorous slut, Lord knows your grandma and I have a few screws loose...y'know what, at least you've got my dad.

Berwyn: That's not a good ratio!

Jude: So do you think these kids have got a shot?

Tosca: A shot at what, daddy issues?

Jude: I'm trying to look on the bright side here.

Tosca: I warned you the day we met, I'm pretty sure. Sutherlands - we rarely turn out well.

Chaim: Morning beautiful.

Cybil: Do you remember nothing that happened yesterday?

Chaim: No, I do-

Cybil: So I assume you know why we're broken-up, and what it was like to fuck my traitorous sister.

Chaim: Yes, and it was -

Cybil: Don't. I'm getting Yven, you can take care of him.

Chaim: WAIT you had the baby?

Cybil: Clearly. I wonder about you sometimes, Chaim.

Adrian: I can't believe you.

Chesmu: What? That I wouldn't smack you when I got the chance?

Adrian: I didn't think you were that tall!

Chesmu: So as well as lacking a brain, you lack eyes, very cool.

Jason: Hey guys, wait for me!

Chesmu made a friend at school. This is Jason, a very late-in-life baby of Sergio and Siobhan Romeo (nee Fyres).

Tosca: Arthritis hasn't caught these hands! That's the beautiful thing about this hobby. When in doubt, knitting!

Jude: This is great cake but I feel like I'm missing something.

Oh for FUCK'S SAKE it was supposed to be for Adrian! Go make another one.

Chaim is still here.

Chaim: You said doin' it with Thirza was a good idea and it would get me over my doubts, Pink Blarffy, how dare you?!

Pink Blarffy: You're putting words in my mouth! I'm a children's toy, why would I EVER-?

Adrian: I'm leaving this HELLLLL

Jude: You're an inspiration to us all, son!

Adrian: That's the nicest thing -wait if you're gonna be kind -

Jude: Nope, no take-backs, out you go!

Cybil: A little birdie in my head told me you're the one I need.

Kurt: Do I know you?

Cybil: Oh, you will.

Cybil: This is a token of my affections.

Kurt: I...accept...

Kurt: I should confess my marriage, though things have been dead for a long time.

Cybil: Lol you think I care about infidelity if it doesn't affect me? I'm off a breakup myself.

Kurt: Well we don't need to get into that.

Cybil: Ooooh you're speaking my language!

Byron (toddler): Hey so who's the lady?

Carter, child: What lady?

Cruz: So we're ignoring his blatant infidelity?

Wiki: Does it look like I give a fuck. I mean, seriously.

Cruz: No, or you wouldn't be wearing that outfit.

Kurt: My wife could come home at-

Cybil: Oh live on the edge you wimp.

Cybil: Hey, you guys have a really nice shower, good on ya. Got any snacks?

Carter: This can't be normal.

Wiki: Water off a duck's back, dear.

Cybil: Actually let me just use your toilet.

Cybil: Well that's inconvenient. Yo, KURT-

Lanuola: Guess I'll just do a little practice while I wait for the shower...whichever one of this lot is it, they are taking a really long time.

Cybil: So you got me pregnant.

Kurt:...Wha.

Lanuola: Crazy little thing called - exCUSE ME?!

Cybil: If I can't keep someone faithful, neither can you, random lady! Toodle-oo!

Thirza: Chesmu you are my darling nephew and I love you, but...you do know you're not that good at music yet?

Chesmu: Absolutely, but if I practice next to you Mum's giving me a cookie. I want that cookie.

Jude's brother Darius had another child.

Chesmu: Oh my little sister. You and me both, we'll have an interesting childhood here.

Cybil: Don't say weird shit to your baby sister, wait until she's at least like three or something.

Chesmu: Can't handle the truth, Mother?

Tosca got promoted.

Tosca: I am also the proud recipient of the Oldest Influencer Award.

Tosca: How DARE you? Me and the clam chowder cannot take this nonsense!

Jude: But...I'm doing dishes! I'm helpful.

Not again, Tosca.

Azure: Ohhhhh I've waited so long for this.

Chesmu: For what, for my home to fall apart?

Azure:...Yes?

Chesmu: That's cold. I like it. You're my favourite auntie for a reason.

Azure: Aww! I've never been anyone's favourite!

Yven: God why are you touching me.

Thirza: I would also rather not be in this situation but life sucks, kid, now blow out your stupid candles.

Yven: I'm aliiiiive!

Thirza: On the inside, or outside?

Yven: Entirely alive and at my full potential! God I'm amazing!

He's a Self-Assured social butterfly.

Yven: All the friends will be mine.

Thirza: Sigh...I probably deserve this.

Cybil: Go on Yven, press hard through that paper to really scratch up the desk..and it looks like there's spaghetti sauce on your pillow, sorry Thirza.