Jude: Heyyyy so - tell me honestly son, is it bad?
Sanjiv: Wow what an interesting sky. Don't you love the sky?
Jude: Sky's been blue since Day 1 kid. Now give me an answer.
Sanjiv: OK well I'm kind of peeved you copied my hair-
Tosca: If I could squeeze by-
Cybil: Sorry about Mum's saggy ass. Disservice if I ever saw it. Be my friend still tho?
Tosca: No way I'm ageing that badly. Sanjiv?
Sanjiv: For the love of God, I'm not answering.
Ophira: Yes, yes I'm beautiful, I know.
She really is.
Ophira: Oh stop it, Apple Slices, you flatter me.
Cybil: Oooh microscope - hey why is the floor warm? What's that hissing?
Cybil I S W E A R
You were supposed to be talking to Yolanda not setting the place on fire Jesus CHRIST
Thirza: Idiots. All of them idiots. I never did stuff like this.
Jude: WTF Cybil get out of the way.
Cybil: What? You think I can't take the heat?
Jude: No, you can't, you'll die?!?!
Yolanda: Why do I even come here? There's something really wrong with y'all.
Sanjiv: To play chess with your friend Sanjiv?
Yolanda: I barely know who you are!
Ophira: I would never-
Thirza: Shut up about yourself for once oh my GOD!
Sanjiv: Why doesn't she know me? Why doesn't anyone know me?
Ophira: Shush child we don't have time for your storyline around here.
Thirza: Great parenting Mum.
Tosca: Le GASP how can you even say that?
Thirza: I have eyes?
Tosca:...Yeah I may have fucked up.
Why are you two here?
Leila: I like to check on these wayward children.
Darius: Meh.
Jude: Right, Azure. This is a good physical test. You get back home from here.
Azure: Waitwhat
Sanjiv: Oh good God do they ever stop?
Yolanda: Nasty. Disgusting.
Tosca: Sweetie this is just a healthy display of affection between two adults-
Yolanda: I meant your ass in that bikini.
Jude: Don't listen to the mean child, sweetheart, you're gorgeous as ever.
Yolanda: Blegh. Romance.
Leila: God your parents are the worst!
Ophira: Says the woman who just stormed into our living room uninvited?
Leila: You call this a living room? It's a dark box filled with cheap appliances and nothing else!
Ophira: Well OK lady you got us there.
Tosca: How long are you gonna stare at me? I could teach you how to knit if-
Leila: No. No thanks. I need nothing from you.
Tosca: Then...go home?
Tristan: Greetings, family! How's it been?
Thirza: Yesterday Cybil set the science table and very nearly herself on fire.
Tristan: I don't come round for two days...
Thirza: Nobody missed you Uncle Tris.
Sanjiv: Ah, you've noticed me and my protest cereal and completed aspiration.
Uh. Yeah. Sorry it took a few hours.
Sanjiv: That's why I was protesting.
So you're gonna put the cereal down?
Sanjiv: Who was suggesting that?
Chaim: I mean, who would say no to the beach?
Hannah: Anybody who dislikes Ophira.
Chaim: So guess that's why it's just the five of us here lololol.
Yeah so Ophira has a club now.
Wolfgang is also here. Cybil needs adult friends and he's the closest she's got right now. She's closer to him than her own Uncle Tris.
Wolfgang: Why is this kid so pouty?
Azure: Nobody fed me!
Wolfgang: Well you took the bowl of chips I wanted to steal, but sure, play the victim.
He's a real prize.
Hannah: Luciano what are you wearing? Bandanas are not in style.
Hannah: It doesn't even fit your hair properly. You could at least hide your terrible hairline.
Luciano: Haters gonna hate.
Ophira is over here not interacting with her club. Naturally.
Sanjiv: -you don't need airs or graces. You're terrifying and crazy so if you want their respect just be yourself.
Ophira: Be myself? What kind of garbage is that? You're only scared of me 'cos you're weak and lame. They are not!
Sanjiv: Well I tried.
Azure: Yay love and attention!
Wolfgang: I forgive you for the chips, you're alright in my book, kid.
Tosca: Lol this seems safe and normal.
Jude's home.
Jude: I think I want a vacation.
No can do.
An hour later, so is Thirza.
Thirza: Yeah that explicitly was not worth it and I would prefer not to work there.
I'll repeat what I said to your father. Plus you can't even work on an aspiration bc you need uni so...retail job it is.
Azure: Potato loves me?
It's 3am.
Azure: Just give me an answer, pls very much.
Thirza: YAY something good is happening! This computer looks like it was made this decade so that's new.
Ophira: I'm too hot, hot damn...seriously Timmy there's steam coming off me.
Timmy the Turtle: What the Christ am I supposed to do about that?
Cybil: What if we set another fire today-
Blarffy: Keep me out of your madness.
Cybil: uwu unless? It would be an accident.
Blarffy: O___O she's terrifying.
Ophira: Shit my acne's terrible!
Just take the medicine before you get everybody else in the house sick.
Ophira: Knowing our family's luck it's probably too late.
Yeah but I can have hope.
Cybil: You think you're special? You think you're so cool? I will dig into your lines of code and tear you apart bit by bit-
Cybil: Hey bestie.
Ophira: I mean you nearly set me on fire yesterday-
Cybil: Don't be so dramatic, you were on the other side of the deck.
Sanjiv: Besides I was the one most affected and you burned half my homework-
Ophira: This is not about you. What are you doing anyway? The 'Stomp' is not a dance move.
Wolfgang is here again. Cybil may actually complete her stupid aspiration this morning.
Wolfgang: Uh, so, Thirza, hi-
Thirza: Play chess or shut up.
Wolfgang: I barely said anything.
Thirza: Sorry. She's just irritating.
Cybil: *bawk bawk* Motherfuckers I am a chicken, listen to my warcry.
Eventually it paid off.
Cybil: There. I've done it. I am now a social goddess and all will bow to me.
Wolfgang: Hahaha what.
Cybil: Yeah sorry he always eats like that.
Sanjiv: Leave me alone.
Wolfgang: I don't care about that! I'm concerned for you.
Cybil: I have enough ego not to care what you think, friend.
Wolfgang: You see that's the problem.
Thirza: No, I have similar worries but nobody in this family listens to me.
Wolfgang: Well, I guess I'll listen. My ride's not coming for another two hours.
Ophira: Why should we be worried? Cybil reminds me of ME as a kid, and wasn't I great Uncle Tris?
Tristan: Uh yeah. Sure.
Ophira: OOH my tweet got five likes!
Jude: Can you do that somewhere else?
Ophira: Hmmm. OK Dad. Sink needs cleaning by the way.
Jude:...Excellent. Thanks.
Wolfgang: Looks like you beat me then.
Thirza: Yeah. Quite easily.
Thirza: OK. What do you need, Azure?
Azure: Love?
Thirza: God do I have to?
Ophira: I'm too pretty to hug toddlers.
Thirza: Shut up we have the same face. Dad?
Jude: I'm...um...paying bills...investing, doing financial-
Thirza: Sports forums then? God I do everything around here.
Cybil: So. Heard it's your birthday. Stick with me and I can take you to the top.
Azure: Love?
Cybil: Love is for children.
Azure: You are a child.
Tristan: So nobody's gonna let me in? Rude.
You were here this morning and called Tosca twice since.
Tristan: It was even ruder of her to screen my calls.
We have enough going on without a stalker, GTFO.
Ophira: Look Azure, once you blow out the candles you can take care of yourself!
Azure: I already do, let's just end this.
Tosca: Who's this mini-me wondering around my house:?
Azure: Mum. It's me. Azure.
Tosca: Right, of course, Azula. You finally grew up.
Azure: No thanks to you.
Ophira: That selfie would have been good for Insta but your old ass was in it.
Tosca: How dare you? I look as good in this bikini as I did at twenty.
Ophira: Mhm, OK, keep being delusional.
Azure: LMAOOOO
Tosca: I'm sick of these age jokes! I'm so much more than middle-aged! And who is that child?
Ophira: Eh. I 'unno.
Azure:...Now I'm just hurt.
Tosca then packed up her brood and they headed to the Oasis Springs park.
Thirza: Uh, no, I drove. She was supposed to change into real clothes!
Tosca: And I told you I look perfectly appropriate.
Ophira: This is really the hill you're dying on.
Sanjiv: Wonder if the local homless population grilled food.
Cybil: Maybe I should wear my swimsuit too-
Thirza: Sanjiv, don't mooch off a homeless person, they're homeless! And Cybil, I know you have her voices but don't follow Mum in any other way. And you Azure! Be memorable for once!
Azure: Right. OK. Spotlight. Uh, I'm Azure, I have the Scamp aspiration and I am a cheerful happy little bab-
Cheerful, huh?
Azure: I've learned I have to be my own cheerleader. Nobody else is gonna do it for me!
That's...true.
Oh and here's Tosca's adult makeover.
Tosca: I still say I looked hot in the swimsuit.
Chaim: Holy shit kid where did you get that?
Sanjiv: I'm good at squirrelling food.
Hannah: He is a God. Tell us your secrets.
Sanjiv: Well first, you need some really baggy pants-
Azure: Hold my hand Timothy.
Timothy: Erm.
And then he went to play somewhere else.
Cedric: Ay girl you're hot.
Ophira: Why thank you kind sir.
Dominik: Um-
Cedric: You come here often? If you do I'll see you. Or do you have a home address, I have a notebook right here. I'll never forget.
Dominik: Dude, that's a bit creepy-
Tosca: Should I save my daughter? No, that's what she gets for being rude to me.
Ophira: Hush Dominik.
Dominik: I think I'm the only sane person in the room.
Tosca: Both you and the gnome on the mantelpiece underestimate me and that's not very cash money of you.
Meanwhile another club member is being bothered by Sanjiv and Cyb.
Cybil: You have been bookmarked. I may be a kid now, but when I'm older it's all over for-
Sanjiv: I wanna show you my sausage trick.
Chaim: I don't want to get arrested so no thanks.
Sanjiv: That's not what I-
Cybil: That's totally what he meant. He's a budding pervert, this one. Too many sisters and neglect, it's sad.
Chaim: I just wanted to ask about Ph-
Cybil: Uh, no. She's my best friend but she's basic. I'm much better.
Chaim: You're also ten.
Cybil: Not for long.
Meanwhile Azure plays alone.
Azure: Screw 'em, I'm my own best friend.
Tim: Lol that's sad.
Azure: Oh piss off I didn't ask you...unless you wanna hold my hand again?
Tim: NO.
Wolfgang: Uh, hi Thirza. Nice shirt.
Thirza: I wear the same one every day, what do you want?
Wolfgang: Never mind. Um...what are you up to?
Thirza: Well right now I gotta piss like a racehorse.
Charming.
Tosca: What's this I hear about you, Sanjiv?
Sanjiv: I'm not.
Cybil: Yes he is he's a PERVERT! I will strangle him until we are all safe. No you stop it, policeman!
Tosca: Ugh I can't be bothered to worry about two of them at once.
Sanjiv: I'm not a pervert! Look at who's saying it!
Tosca: How dare you suggest that the child most like me is lying! Le GASP!
Sanjiv: I give up.
Cybil: Thanks Wolfgang you're so good at being a monster!
Wolfgang: I'm just standing here. This is what I look like.
Cybil: I know. RROARR I WILL DESTROY-
Thirza: If you try and prank me with an 'important message' that's just a video of sheep again, I'll slap you! And enjoy it!
Chaim: OhGOD I picked the wrong person to mess with.
Tosca: That's my girl.
(Yes I stole this from Brooklyn99 lol)
Jude's home with a promotion.
Jude: Yes and the thanks I got is that I cooked, went to work for seven hours and then NOBODY cleaned the grill-
The next morning...
Ophira: SHIT...can stove burner bread with little burnt flecks be a new food trend?
No that's just gross.
Sanjiv: Are you gonna put those in the sink or...
Thirza: Don't question my ways little man. Half a job is a job well done.
Cybil: And perv. Don't forget he's a perv.
Sanjiv: Why are you doing this Cyb?
Cybil: Amusement? Now come on, let's go to school. I told everyone I know so that should be fun for you.
Tosca: You're not the only one who can get promotions.
Jude: *sigh* Congrats honey.
Tosca: Yes yes, well done to you of course.
Jude: Right! Let's get to it! Get some, get some!
Tosca: I don't see how yelling at the bag will train anything but your vocal chords.
Jude: *heavier sigh*
Tosca is here because she has to visit a bar for her job.
Jude: Why are you gagging...
NO.
Jude: I'm in danger.
Tosca: We both *retch* are, dear.
Jude: I need a drink. Several.
Tosca: At least you still have that privilege.
Jude: Wow, Kala! Forgive me, but I've never seen you so...cheery.
Kala: I got here at 9am and I lost count of my drinks. I feel great.
Makoa: Mmmm shake it baby...I mean the cocktail shaker this isn't harassment.
Jude: It isn't?
Kala: I know that confetti. You guys are screwed.
Jude: Yuuuup.
Tosca: Thirded.
Jude and Oliana aren't suddenly enemies, they're practicing.
Kalama: Well, as bartender I think it's prudent I take bets.
Kala: This is who you married, Tosca. Happy?
Tosca: Shut up you married my brother.
Shame on you, Tosca.
Tosca: It's totally just pineapple juice.
Jude: Wow this TV is crap. I might as well watch the game on our computer.
Let's just go home. Tosca put the drink down.
Thirza: I hate everything.
Azure: So what's new?
Tosca: Shut up!
Ophira: Sniff sniff everybody thinks I'm the sister of a pervert. Some best friend you are, Cybil.
Cybil: I came here for attention and not friends, sister.
Sanjiv: How about being known as a pervert, that's clearly worse.
Cybil: Yolanda's still running towards you.
Yolanda: Yeah I think I'm basically the only person who doesn't believe it.You do not have the cojones. But you're actually not bad and I'll stick by you.
Sanjiv: Really? Well great, guess I've just got you.
Yolanda: Yeah, whatever.
Cybil: I'm the best matchmaker ever.
Thirza:-I am so sick of you and your stupid friends bothering me-
Ophira: I just was asking if you wanted to eat with us since you're such a loner-
Thirza: Maybe I like it that way. Bite me, Ophira, maybe some of us are happy without being surrounded by constant irritating little-
Tosca: Hmm. Daughters fighting? Nope. Just plate. Only plate. I love plate.
Ophira: Sure I'll eat this weird fruit, what could go wrong?
Ophira: Right off to be a special pretty little mermaid - what the crap are you doing Azure.
Azure: Practicing typing. Cybil stole the computer but I'm doing my best.
Jude: Yep, just a normal household of normal children.
Cybil:...What the shit was that?
Ophira: Yeeees I freaked out Cybil I WIN
Ophira: NO, I'm busy being a mermaid?!?!
Wolfgang: I don't know why I still have y'all's numbers.
Ophira: I don't know why either you creepazoid. You're married and we're teenage girls.
Tosca: Oof, oh lord, this baby is making me achy and hungry.
Ophira: The what now?
Jude: Oh...hahah never mind Ophira, let's just work on your calculus.
Ophira: Dad. You're shit at calculus and I'd rather you weren't here. Now what damn baby?
Tosca: Funny story...
Hawea: Hello there.
Thirza: Shut up Dad I'm playing Skyrim - wait what the fuck?
Hawea: Can I use your bathroom?
Tosca: I'd rather you didn't. Do we know you?
Hawea: UGH what's wrong with this skink? Do these people not know how to housekeep?
Jude, yelling: HEY I DO MY BEST, they're just all damn SLOBS!
Hawea: Hey there sweetheart, do you know where your parents keep the bleach? Your sink needs it.
Thirza: It goes doubly for creepy old vendors. Cannot talk, playing Skyrim.
Hawea: Now I'm just trying to help-
Thirza: Then leave smh.
Rarahu: Ugh I have to do everything around here.
No-one asked you to this ISN'T YOUR HOUSE. LEAVE.
Rarahu: Jeez I was just trying to help.
Jude: Should I do something?
Tosca: I kinda wanna see where this goes.
Hawea: You guys mind if I sleep here? Is that a yes? No?
The next morning things are more normal.
Ophira: Damn, that was a bad move against me, me! So predictable. That's what happens when you play against yourself ha ha ha.
Azure: I don't need friends (or siblings). They disappoint me. So I've got these smelly plates. I think that cheese is blue, cool right?
Cybil: I told you it'd blow over.
Sanjiv: Just let me have my birthday in peace, Cybil.
Sanjiv grew up surprisingly skinny. And cute, but he was always gonna be cute.
He has the Neat trait and the Author aspiration.
Sanjiv: I'mma write a book on this household's slobbiness. I suddenly understand my father much more.
Ophira's mermaiding out with her club.
Ophira: Told you I wasn't lying. Look at this badass tail. Also thanks for trying to help me with that park creep.
Dominik: You're welcome...
Ophira: See I befriended him as a child. What a horrid mistake-
Dominik: Why did you-
Ophira: Loooong story.
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