Here's a quick diversion to Gin-Fizz's house in Britechester, which she shares with her husband Rudy and her soon-to-be baby.
Gin-Fizz: Just hurry up, unpause and get this thing out of me!
Alien-lovin' apparently runs in this family, because Rudy is actually an alien. This is their baby daughter Brandy.
Yep, nobody can ever have boys in this family. Cola has six grandkids now, and only one of them is a boy.
Back at home, Shayne, Rivella's father, is dead. And everybody is really sad about it for some reason.
And Onyx, now an Elder, is sick with the Rudolph illness.
Sprite: Bet nobody will say a word against me when I'm mourning my grandfather.
Who you didn't meet and your own mother actually disliked.
Sprite: They don't know that.
Aperol: Not that I know the man, but I do wish he'd been different. Maybe then my life would be more normal. Like, my mother wouldn't have given my father a heart attack, and my grandmother wouldn't be a goddamn clone.
Speaking of Clone-ma...
Pepsi: I miss your father.
Rivella: How, you didn't know him, you're a clone. Then again, not like I knew him...why didn't he want me?
Pepsi: Please don't get emotional on me.
Rivella: Then get out! I need to piss.
Pepsi: Oh GOODNESS I'm so embarrassed!
Rivella: Do you have dementia?! I can't handle both my parents dying..wait, yes I can.
Onyx: In my old age I can appreciate that you love me, are holding me and are paying for the finest vet treatment.
Rivella: You're the last good man in my life.
Onyx: But I still don't care about your latent daddy issues.
Rivella: How dare you come close to me? You're not even close to replacing Onyx, you silly fluffy pale-
Cinnamon: What did I do?
Blake: OK, come Cinnamon, let's get out of her. I'll call the local institute and see if someone's missing.
Rivella: Tell me he'll be alright, Bill. I can't lose someone else.
Bill: Ah, you're in need of comfort, Miss Rivella? I'm off shift at-
Rivella: Not like that, Bill.
Diane: You want the what now?
Rivella: Pufferfish? It's classified.
Diane: Don't...worry. Just pay me the overhead and we're good.
Rivella: Will do!
Yeah so I got bored of waiting for one to pop up in San Myshuno. It's not like this is a debug object, all of this is done by official game methods.
Back at home, Bellini did something incredibly stupid.
Bellini: It's not my fault, it just attacked me. I barely touched that cake.
Berry: Sike...
Kezia: I can't believe my life's come down to watching over Rivella's most boring children do their homework.
Sangria: Hey! *sniff* I'm plenty interesting.
Aperol: Kezia, if we want your input, we'll ask for it.
Kezia: Whatever, she ate your macaroni.
Aperol: Would you all stop lying about that? San is the one innocent in this house.
Kezia: Sure, sure, and we could take that away if we told her about-
Aperol: Stop.
Sangria: Just tell me the stuff that happened the weekend I grew up...I've heard about clones and death and cowplants but I don't know the full story!
Aperol: And you won't. Not yet, anyway.
San: Aperol please. Kezia says it's not up to her, Granny says 'what, the night when that woman died in the bathroom' and Mum says it's not important,
Aperol: It is important.
San: So tell me.
Bellini: I'll tell you. Uh...that woman did die in the bathroom, right when Grandma was trying to hook up with her, that was quite funny-
Sangria: I'd say disturbing-
Bellini: And then Aperol found out Mum probably caused his father's heart attack by having too much sex with him - yeah, everything does come down to that, huh?
Sangria: What?
Bellini: And the woman you call Grandma is a clone of ours. Our real one.
Sangria: What?!
Bellini: You already called Mum a demon, did you think it was going to be good?
Sangria: I didn't think it would be this bad! Auntie Gin-Fizz-
Bellini: She already knew.
Gin-Fizz: I'm..not here.
Gin-Fizz: Well, no all your precious babies know the truth, how does that feel?
Rivella: *sniff*
Gin-Fizz: Please. Pufferfish is an interesting suicide method by the way.
Rivella: SHIT I grabbed the wrong leftovers.
Bellini; This should be interesting.
Gin-Fizz: I worry for that girl.
Why are you sick again?
Onyx: Sick? I'm not sick! These are legit stars I'll have you know!
Rivella: So. All the kids know.
Pepsi: Sangria was never my biggest fan anyway. The clone thing hasn't mattered, they still treat me like the grandma they look down upon!
Rivella: I mean, after all the awkward living room flirtations-
Pepsi: Yeah, well. Aperol walked in on me mid-coitus the other day and hasn't looked me in the eyes since.
Sierra and her new husband are having a lil Delgato baby. So awkwardly awkward.
Also a bit sad, because Shayne died before-
Sierra: No, it's not.
Alejandra is out haunting, being petty like usual.
Alejandra: Woohoo! Just logged them all out of Facebook!...which is just Pepsi and Kezia because who really uses Facebook?
Kezia: Ugh, that cat stinks like a skunk...that shark head Rivella put on in a fit of midlife crisis really holds odour.
Onyx: So take it off.
Kezia: Well now I don't want to, cat, you still lose!
Sangria: I've been thinking of what Bell told me all night...and I just have one question.
Yeah?
Sangria: Why the HELL isn't my mother in jail?
Aperol: Well, the thing is...it says accident on the autopsy report.
Bellini: Look, Mum is crazy, she could have done a lot worse. Be grateful she kept your other mother alive, Sangria, because from what I heard that woman stomped on her heart.
Sangria:...Why should I be grateful for that?
Bellini: Eh, Aperol, at least you see your father. Mine's alive, next door and still won't see me, and I don't think Sprite's has existed since she was conceived.
Sangria: Well, that's our mother then. Still think she should be in jail, though.
Aperol: Oh, 100%.
Rivella: Welp, better make sure I eat the right leftovers...same with the children. This stuff is definitely less safe than what Dianne gave me yesterday.
Ulysses: Well, Miss, you seem new around here-
Rivella: We were here yesterday, Ulysses.
Back at home, Pepsi has retired. It is time for...her last hurrah.
Pepsi: Doesn't it smell divine in here, Isaiah?
Isaiah:...How is she this hot?
Kezia: Goddammit she's up to her old tricks again, Riv.
Rivella: Let her be. I'm gonna go in the computer room and lock the door.
Kezia:..Good plan.
Isaiah: I just don't want to break your hip!
Pepsi: Why I never! I got a very high quality replacement!
Kids are all home, feeling their various emotions...
Sprite: Ooooh the sympathy I got today.
Sangria: *cries softly* Why is this family like this?
Aperol: *sniff* I know, right?
Bellini: You two are wimps. And if Johnny was really flirting with that girl, I'm going to rip his balls off.
Sprite: WHAT is going on in that bathroom?
Isaiah: You hear something?
Pepsi: Sorry Sprite, occupied!
Isaiah: The drink?
Meanwhile...
Johnny: I bet I can make it up to you in that observatory out back, babe?
Bellini: We'll see.
Johnny: I wasn't flirting and I'll prove it. You know I've only ever had eyes for you.
Bellini:...Fine. You'll do anything I ask.
Johnny Yes ma'am.
Sangria: Hi Rocio! You shouldn't be here. This family is insane!
Rocio: Thanks, angel, but I'm alright. If I find your sister I'll beat her ass. Why did she even invite me if she was just gonna piss off?
Sangria: I can help you find her!
Rocio: Didn't know you had it in you. Alright. Let's see how you do.
Pepsi: Now that I've finished my lifetime aspiration...I'll just kick back with my family. Before I start that, a plate of sushi.
Kezia: Well, Riv didn't say anything about keeping that shit away from you.
Rivella: Good time with my daughter out back then, Johnny?
Johnny: Uh...hell yes. Shout out to she who made her. Bell, I mean.
Pepsi: This is a weird conversation.
Rivella: Says you. Anyway, Johnny, I've always liked you, you'd make a great son-in-law.
Johnny: A what now?
Rivella: Too much commitment? Understandable, you can walk away any time.
Johnny: I mean, I-
Aperol:..you seem weirdly happy, Mum.
Rivella: Of course I'm happy. After burying my daddy issues once more, I've come to realise that you, my precious older son, are the most important man in my life.
Aperol: Cool, thanks, but I'm the only man in your life.
Rivella: Well, what about Sprite and Bell's fathers?
Aperol: Name one of them.
Rivella: Uh, there was Steve, and...
Aperol: Whatever, I'll take it.
Pepsi: This is so Freudian.
Aperol: You seem happier.
Sangria: I am. This family may be a mess, but now I know what I don't want to be.
Aperol: That's the spirit. I mean, what can I do about my father's autopsy report? Might as well focus on living and getting away from her.
Sangria: But what if you're heir? What if I'm heir?
Aperol: Let's not think about that.
Johnny: I can't believe she's making me play with this thing.
Berry: Tasty...
Rivella: I can't believe that little asshole cat ran away.
Just get out of the pool and post an alert.
Rivella: Sure. I'll drown him and then myself. Little piece of...
None of that, please.
The next morning...
Sangria: I took your macaroni.
Aperol: What macaroni? Look, never mind, if I don't remember it's not important.
Sangria: I must confess!
Why are you throwing up?
Bellini: I don't *bleurrrgh* know!
Pepsi: Why aren't you in school?
Sprite: Well, it's my birthday, and...someone found out my grandfather was NOT close to the family, and I just really miss the cat-
Pepsi: Y'know what, I don't care. Just stop rambling at me.
Sprite: Ah, that's the grandmother we all know and love.
Rivella: Idiot. How was that independent existence you crave?
Onyx: I'll stick to my food bowl and controlled squirrel arena, I think.
Rivella: That's my little Prince of Darkness. You belong to me until you die, y'know.
RIP Ivy. Glad Cola found you. Will miss seeing you at the park playing chess with randos.
Sprite: Can't believe talking to my MUM finished off that Social Butterfly aspiration.
Kezia: I've always said, your mother is very special, Sprite.
Sprite: Tch, sure, special indeed.
Sprite: Is this the birthday party I dreamed of? Hell no. Am I excited for me and my girls to control the high school? Absolutely. Time to grow up!
Sprite: God I look like I stepped straight out of Mean Girls!
Yeah, that was the point, it kind of fits you.
Sprite: ...I love it!
Kristine:...I was not ready to see that much, that quickly ok!
Sprite: I think I've outgrown my bestie.
Kaitlynn: No, you're a fat bitch! I'm practicing, Sprite, we'll be right as rain together-
Sprite: Just wait for high school, sweetie. Then you can get on my level.
Kaitlynn:...Whatever, shiny glitch!
Johnny: Hi, sweetie pie!
Onyx: I hate you.
Bellini: Just bite his finger off then, I don't care! I can't believe you Johnny!
What happened?
Johnny: Yeah, what did I do?
Bellini: You got me pregnant, look at this confetti!
Johnny: OK, very funny prank.
Bellini: It's not a prank you jackass, I'm pregnant.
Pepsi: God I hope I die soon.
So last chapter's teen love is predictably going wrong. Bell's pregnant and Aperol's over here being rejected.
Aperol: Why can't I kiss you?
Krsitine: I heard you singing to your rubber ducky...and I got the ick BIG TIME, sorry.
These teens are a mess, all of them....
Bellini: Welp, I think I finally broke everyone! I'm pregnant, pregnant, pregnant!
Stop saying that!
Sprite: Could turn this into a burn book...
Aperol You heard that? Oh lord I can't even face you, Kris!
Krstine: So we're on the same page.
Johnny: She can't be, I'mma just - *breaks, walks into door*
Kristine: So this is the aunt I'm 'way hotter than', huh Aperol?
Gin-Fizz: Why would you even make that comparison?
Aperol: *retreats into the staircase*
I've decided what to do about Bellini's EXTREMELY ANNOYING teen pregnancy.
Bellini: Heeehh.
Basically I'm gonna pause it until she's a couple days away from growing up. Then the baby will be a proper mix of her and Johnny's genes.
Bellini: Cool, I'll grow a SuperBaby.
With you two as parents? Doubtful.
Later, Aperol and Kristine retreated upstairs and got over the awkwardness.
Maybe it's his family's fault. Maybe he'd be functional without them.
Well we'll find out, he grows up in like 1 day.
They made up quite enthusiastically on the other side of this wall...
Gin-Fizz: Young love disgusts me.
Johnny: Right so...you don't have to face this until you graduate.
Bellini: Uh, we. We're facing this. Or else.
Rivella: I dunno what's going on, but at least she can stand up for herself.
Johnny: Oh, you didn't hear, Miss S? Bell's got one of my children in that oven.
Bellini: Why do I like you?
Rivella: Funny. I thought you'd be the last of my children to get pregnant.
That's all you have to say?
Rivella: Should I say something else?
Pepsi: You guys need some of my special incense? A condom?
Apero: Whoa Grandma, we're nowhere near-
Pepsi: Just checking. You need to be careful, after all that boy Johnny's knocked up our Bellini!
Aperol: He what now...?
Kristine: Please try to don't beat his ass, Aperol, you're a twig.
Sangria, this whole time, has just been practicing her violin.
Sangria: I'm killing it. And it's quite funny, I thought Bellini would be the last of us to get pregnant.
Rivella what are you doing?
Rivella: I call it swimsuit science! It's a hot girl summer and I get to lick all these chemicals!
Bellini: Haha, funny meme! Now get out of my space or I'll slap you!
Sangria: I fear for her baby.
Justin: Leave me alone to stew in my regrets, little girl! Gawd!
Sangria: Huh, guessing you're Justin. Hiii, I'm San, nice to meet you, sorry about my mum-
Justin: I said leave me be!
Justin: Miss Kezia, is it?
Kezia: Just Kezia, I've pushed past 40.
Justin: How do you support a woman like my killer? I must ask.
Kezia: You were gone before I joined the scene. I didn't quite realise who I was supporting...but she's my friend, and my purpose is to protect her. I was sent through space and time-
Justin: So you're all crazy, my son never had a chance.
Aprol: Grandma, they smell really fishy-
Pepsi: Well I suppose you won't trust this old clone of your grandma, huh! I'm telling you those are tofu!
Aperol: *sniff* Of course Grammy, I'll eat them right away.
Aperol: I can't believe you...
Pepsi: An innocent mistake!
Aperol: I ate the body of a living being from your lies.
Pepsi: No you didn't. I can assure you the fish was killed before it got put in the taco!
Honestly, this is Aperol's fault. I pressed 'Get Leftovers' and I'm p sure there's Mac and Cheese in there.
Sangria: Our family is nuts, isn't it?
Onyx: Eh, I embrace the chaos. Find an identity outside of being their contrast, it'll get old.
Sangria: Why...thanks for the wisdom, cat!
Rivella: Ugh, what's all this trash doing here?
Aperol: Well it's sitting right next to me!
Pepsi: Aperol you shouldn't say things like that about your mother-
Rivella: HEY-
Aperol: I meant you. Just apologise for the tacos, Grandma!
Rivella: So nobody's gonna congratulate me on successful pancakes?
Pepsi: Rivella you are 43 years old, that's not an achievement.
Rivella: Shake my hand, little princeling!
Onyx: Ugh...
Rivella: Right, of course! You hate that name...You're more like a wise old Shark King.
Onyx: Ughhhhh
Bellini: Ugh my stomach...I think I'm gonna puke!
Pepsi: Well get it all on that plate and don't bother me. This book is good, and you brought this on yourself.
RIP Bill the slightly creepy vet. May you get the chance to hook up with Rivella once she's also in the afterlife.
Rivella: HEY
I'm kidding!
Sprite: Goddamn you San!! I got teased all day because you wore pyjamas to school!
Sangria: Hey, they're comfy. Also that wasn't why-
Aperol: So...I think that kid Johnny's hiding from us, we need to beat his ass.
Sangria: Oh cool, the exact opposite of what you were told to do.
Sprite: There's no we here Aperol, get your revenge on your own damn time.
Bellini: Uh, I need to peeee!
Aperol: OK just go in the pool, there's a filter.
Bellini: Ew, Aperol is that what you do in here? I'll just get out!
...Good call. You definitely shouldn't do this in pools.
Also even peeing is wrong imo.
Bellini: BLERHOAWEGHAGWE
Brad are you proud of your daughter?
Brad: Who, Sierra? She's just my step-
Oh never mind.
Birthday time!
Aperol: Sweet freedom!...Wait what about my sisters and...my sisters.
They can fend for themselves. Off you go. Kristine will grow up in about 3 days and you can be happy together.
Sprite: It's OK, you don't have to grovel. I forgive you.
Sangria: Nobody even remembers we're related, we don't look the same! I'm not apologising! I'm just upset because Aperol's ditching us!
Sprite: Don't worry, Bell and I can look after you.
Sangria: That doesn't make me feel better!
Sprite: Then you can look after yourself. It's one of the first things we learn in this house - self-sufficiency.
Aperol: What if San misses me...
She will, but you're not the heir so you have to leave. Sorry dude.
Aperol: Well. I have been too good for this place since Day 1.
So Aperol grew up with the Snob trait. With that plus Neat and Vegetarian, he is Absolutely Insufferable, and joins Danika from the Main ISBI in being so.
Aaaand he got a matching makeover. He was sent to live in Britechester with his Auntie Gin-Fizz.
Much cuter (sorry Aperol) is Gin-Fizz and Rudy's baby girl Brandy, the first full alien of the bloodline. If Cola couldn't do it, her daughter could so well done I guess, Gin-Fizz.
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