You are hereby welcomed back to this disaster with Dylan making a...face.
Sari, sleeping in the pool: *snore*
Catalina: I don't wanna be awake! I've kicked the dollhouse and I'm STILL AWAKE! It's not fair why won't someone put me to bed?!
Blarffy: Is someone gonna tell her?
Drago: Let her have this, she's totally the unfavourite. Middle child syndrome and all.
Xavier is apparently happy, and yet...
Mason: Why so blue, lil guy?
Xavier: No, you're the blue one.
Mason: I meant...oh never mind, what do you need?
Xavier: Thanks for putting me to bed Grandpa!
Mason: Sigh, where the hell are your useless parents anyway...
Catalina: This is bullshit.
Catalina: She calls this the pillbug method. Tosca might be good for something after all.
Mason: Piss, moan, sigh, you are all leading me to an early grave. These old shoulders-
Xavier: Can you like, actually let me sleep? I'm taking my thanks back.
Tosca: Ah yes, here I am having a chill night and a chill time, eight hours of uninterrupted bliss-
Xavier: GRANDPA WON'T LET ME SLEEP
Well, I mean he just left. You could definitely sleep now. Little brat.
Tosca: The fuck am I supposed to do about it, Jesus Christ.
Xavier: I 'unno
Tosca: You're lucky I'm too sleepy to kick you down the stairs right now.
Mason: You're not great at making friends around here, kid.
Missy: You're lucky I'm too sleepy to kick you down-
Xavier: Feeling a little unsafe.
Mason: Meh, your fault. I have a limited number of fucks to give about my daughter's spawn.
Sari: I am the one they call when things go wrong.
Xavier: Happened a while ago.
Sari: Shush. So, you want to go to bed or-
Xavier: Actually I'm kinda hungry now.
Sari: Of course.
Tosca: Weeeeeelll, yeah, it's a hard knock life. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna help you. Don't die.
Catalina: You don't even mean that.
Tosca: Lol no I don't. Sigh, I was kind of hoping they'd forget about her.
Sari: Come here...you. That one.
Tosca: The unfavourite.
Catalina: Shut up!
Dylan: Hehe, sparkle tit.
Sari + Cat: Shut UP!
Catalina: You don't know me! You don't even know my life! So don't tell me to eat the cereal, old lady!
Missy: I don't wanna know your life at this point...seriously Sari, get off Facebook and deal with your shitty child.
Sari: But parenting is haaaaard.
Xavier: Halp.
Dylan: I am such a good father. Off to sleep now little Xavier!
Xavier: These people are idiots.
Glad it only took you seven hours to work it out.
Tosca: Ooh, Mum left herself logged in on Facebook. I can use this.
Sari was mean to Tristan while I was looking away. So I made her apologise.
Tristan: Well I never! I do not eat fishbones!
Sari: Aw, Tris, I'm sorry. It's just the family curse. You'll understand when you're older...maybe.
Tristan: Jeez Mum, just admit you're shitty.
Sari: Maybe you could admit that the mermaid-tail 'joke' thing was weird then.
Tristan: Touche.
Sari: You really need a bath, kid.
Catalina: Who's fault is that?
Dylan: Hey, guys, I love art and that movie I just watched had some kickass set design so-
Sari: Not the time, Dyl.
Missy: I'mma have to pretend these virtual balls I'm kicking are Mason's. I haven't been touched in five years.
Yeah. Their relationship is pathetic right now. They are Lovebirds, which basically means the game thinks that they're just starting up their romance and it's new, early days etc etc
Rather than them being together for like fifty years at this point.
Tristan: I knew you were out here, I could see your tail!!! LOLZ
Tosca:...It's not fucking funny Tris, jeez. Find a new shtick, we're all concerned.
Tristan: Right. I gotta try to find a new identity now. What's it gonna be? Watcher, why don't you come on this journey with me?
I'd be glad to.
Dylan: There is person in my side of the bed. Does not compute.
Sari, sleepily mumbling: Is that a ghost...
Tristan: OK, how about this? A duck walks into a Mexican restaurant...
Tosca: Please don't, I'm trying to enjoy my nachos.
Tristan: And what does he ask for? Quack-amole!
Tosca: That's not even how these jokes should be structured. That was broken, Tris. Try harder.
Also I'm kind of proud of their matching sandals ngl.
Tosca: My brother's an idiot.
Missy: The men of this family are, my dear.
Tosca: Oooh, you having problems with Grandpa or something?
Missy: What. No.
Tristan: Well, I've got knees. That's something.
Not really.
Xavier: Your singing is bad and you should feel bad and I'm leaving.
Sari: *tunelessly fucking up the Simlish version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star* Motherhood has changed me, why haven't I tried Rockstar yet?
Tristan: Sniff, cry, poor dolls. I'm attached to you guys, that's something.
Dolls: It's been two years. Now can you get this rubble off us, we're suffocating!
This thing really has been broken for this long. The toddler years kill the TH every time.
Xavier: I love you Dino!
Uni: Doth mine ears deceive me?
Drago: Wow. WOW.
Sari: Holy shit this has never happened before! My son is truly special.
Catalina: I need another bath.
Sari: Sigh, I gotta get Tosca to stop putting mudpies in your bed.
Tosca: Alright sniper. Eyes on the target? Yes? Well when he's in range give the command. I won't let you down.
This is all she does.
Tristan: I could mess with computer shit! Like, Mum's Facebook is still open-
Xavier: You call that an identity? Tosca did that this morning! Boo!
Missy: Humph, this is the most heat I've felt in ten years.
Tiki: Girl that really isn't my problem.
Mason your wife is mad at you.
Mason: What's new? I'm just gonna be zen. Chiiiilll vibes.
Tristan: Burgers are actually really great, I like-
Tosca: Not unique, Tris.
Dylan: Y'know Missy, if you're unsatisfied-
Missy: Really? You're gonna bring this up now?
Tosca: Yeah Dad we really don't want to hear about Grandma being horny.
Missy: I mean. Not really. Just a kiss, that's all I want-
Tristan: I am uncomfortable with the energy we've created in the studio.
Missy: Quoting TikTok memes is not a personality either, Tris.
Tristan: I'm gonna tag you! You're it!
Mason: You would actually have to touch me for that to work.
Missy: FUNNY YOU SHOULD SAY THAT
Sari: Crazy little thing called love...isn't that right, Dyl?
Dylan: Sari there's some weird shit on your Facebook profile.
Mason: I just don't know what I'm doing wrong with her!
Miles: Dad I don't want to hear about this.
Mason: Not you! She's been confiding in the Tiki over here. Ain't that right?
Tiki: *spits out a Hot Take*
RIP Aaliyah's husband. We barely knew ye.
Sari: Right, up and at 'em! Time for you to be less of a thorn in my side!
Catalina: Seriously, I just got to sleep!
Xavier: What? Why me?
Sari: Oh no, not you Xavi, my darling special boy <3....Cat, I don't have all day get moving!
Mason: Sari...where did the kid go? She kinda disappeared!
Sari: Meh, she can take care of herself now. My work here is done.
Mason: I mean...yeah, OK fine, it is. You're right.
Catalina: Everything about my life has been horseshit and I want revenge.
Sari: I don't have time for this, just go to bed.
Cat here is a Music Lover, with the Scamp aspiration like her older twin siblings.
Here's Little Miss Cat all made over. I kind of gave her a hipstery look because...I mean, she doesn't like anyone and she's already a music lover.
Also she's still the unfavourite because she has grown up to be practically a face clone of her older sister. Except without the different skin tone.
These two are acquiring children. Tamsin I understand, she doesn't actually hate kids, but...Mercy? Really?
Mercy: The coven requires new members.
Lionel: Uh...can I go back to the foster home?
Lol and Yasmin is finally having another kid. It's been a LONG time since she's been around, but basically she was Kale's wife and they had Summer's friend and cousin Dahlia.
Tosca: Ugh, I guess she sleeps next to me now. I'm not a fan of that arrangement.
Catalina: Bitch I'm not slap-happy about it either!
Tosca: Whatever. I'm gonna go find some mud.
Missy: Smelling bad isn't a good idea for personality either, Tristan.
Tosca: Yeah, he smells worse than the mud I'm gonna put in Cat's bed.
Missy: What's your deal with that? Cos that's not interesting either.
Xavier: I kind of better understand why Cat's so mad all the time. This doesn't feel good.
Sari: My son, I shall serenade you as you breakfast!
Xavier:...Is there an opt-out button or something?
Sari: Psh, ungrateful little shit. Just wait until you hear this...this ain't no guitar bitch this a Glock!
Xavier: Wait wh - am I in danger?
Mason: OK, I need another hot take from you, Campfire...what am I doing wrong?
Dylan's remembered how to be a father again. He was frickin' useless yesterday. But today he's doing good.
Dylan: He smells so bad I could hurl.
Xavier: That would make my situation a lot worse, Dad. Pls don't.
I got a popup saying Mason just acquired the writing skill.
Mason: I bet I could be an author, huh?
Sahara: Leave the creative arts to me, OK Dad?
Mason:...I'm literally a painter, Sari.
Sahara: Yeah, so? Don't be greedy.
Meanwhile, now that he's taken care of, Xavier is just being left alone to vibe upstairs.
Xavier: This bin is electronic, right? So I could probably rig a kickass explosive!
Uh.
Catalina: I could help you. Maybe we could put it under Tosca's bed.
Xavier: Don't muscle into my plan, or I'll put it under yours.
Dylan, I'm concerned for your kids.
Dylan: Haha I like wall.
The twins are home from school with Bs. Too bad they grow up in two days and therefore have no chance of getting As.
Tosca: Too bad my brother thinks getting dropped off from the bus too early is a personality.
I'm more confused about why you're hip-thrusting into that banister.
Mason: You can talk to me about whatever you want...!
Catalina: OK. First of all, how dare you.
Mason: Now you sound like your grandma.
Xavier: Rolling running riding free!
Catalina: Aren't you gonna go get him?
Mason: Meh. Dylan says it's fine as long as he's back by curfew, 11pm, and who am I to go against his parenting.
Catalina: How are we even alive.
Tristan: Y'know what I think I'm just gonna try and be me.
Tosca: Ew. Get away with that sappy shit. I don't care.
Tristan: For example, I like cereal quite a bit.
Tosca: We all like that stuff, it's covered in sugar. If you're still making declarations like that you're back where you started, idiot.
Xavier: Aha, yes, nobody can see me now, I am very sneaky-
Rickey: Uh, kid, need a ride home or something? Where's your adult?
Xavier: Stranger danger!
What is going on here.
Dylan: Snifffffff
Xavier: Frickin' why.
Missy: Help, I've fallen and I - *zzzzz*
Catalina: Nope.
-5
Missy: Uh, I hit my head so I might need some help-
Mason: I see nothing, I hear nothing.
Missy: Asshole.
Asshole.
Sari got promoted to Professional Pianist. Which is funny because if I had to pick a word to describe her, 'professional' would not be it.
Sari: Shut up, I'm being a dolphin! *squawk*
Catalina: The imbecile stood, almost knocking his mediocre burger to the floor.
Dylan: Narration jokes aren't funny anymore, Catalina.
Catalina: Oh, whatever, you'd laugh if Mum said it.
Dylan: Yeah. I would. It's called being a good spouse, get wrecked.
Dylan: This here is Lesson 2.
Sari: Mmmm, yes, it's been so long.
Catalina: WHY?! I didn't need to know!
Lux's son got married.
One. There's always one of you, isn't there, preventing me from ultra-speeding through the night.
Missy: Potato. Fuck off.
Tbh Tosca is my favourite of the kids so far. She's just so sassy.
Tosca: They wish they could be me. Now, onwards, steer! I said steer, ship-bitch!
Catalina: Let's talk, Mum.
Tosca: Ugh, she's so boring, right?
Dylan: Yeah! Like I know what she's gonna say!
Catalina:...How dare you.
Tosca: There it is. She needs to get over herself, it's not like she got treated that much worse than us!
Catalina: You say that as you shit-talk me right to my face.
Dylan: But we're behind you.
Mason: YOU NEED TO BE BETTER TO MY GRANDDAUGHTER
Dylan: Uhm, uh, OK Mr Mason sir!
Catalina: Wow, I didn't expect that-
Mason: I just realised she's the only one with my skintone and she must be protected!
Catalina: So I'm being reduced to my colouring again, fucking great.
It's Dylan's birthday apparently.
Dylan: Haha, funny joke, I'm still young-
Kind of. You're like 40 now.
Xavier: Ancient. Wrinkly. Decrepit. Two inches from the grave-
Dylan: I get it, son.
Catalina: Tosca. Mudpies. Leave me alone to die of shame in a bath, please.
Tosca: Sigh. This spaceship is truly my best companion in this house. Oh well, just keep smiling and all. Let's fly, spaceship.
Sad kid behind her: But a spaceship killed my family-
Tosca: Don't care, Wails McGee.
One of Dylan's main hobbies is staring uselessly at art. Or like, just random stuff around the house.
Dylan: I must contemplate the messy placement of this flower cart.
Tosca: God it'd be so easy to shoot him. Just a dumb, still target.
God, why are all the IL premades so pretty?
Mele: Piss off! I'm not going near that house!
Fair enough.
Dylan: XAVI NO, that's dad's heart, and lungs...
Xavier: Sorry!
Dylan: NO, that's my brain.
Xavier: In the head?
Dylan: I'm like 70% sure that's where-
Xavier: I can't feel a thing up there!
RIP Aaliyah. Yay Sari and Mason being annoyingly sad for 2 days.
But seriously, I'll miss the cranky, crazy broad.
Missy: When oh when am I gonna get laid again?
Given the tragic state of your relationship with Mason, probably never again, unless you meet another ghost in the netherworld.
Also we're just shouting that in the street now?
Missy: I ran out of fucks to give sometime around my 45th birthday.
Case in point.
Missy: Don't get married, it's all a sham. Before you know it, you're in your 80s with a failing marriage, not enough time to fix things and four shitty kids who aren't doing anything with their lives.
Xavier: Do I have to be here right now?
Missy: Hush this isn't about you.
Xavier: So I can leave?
Missy: ...Nah
Miles is here.
Xavier: Put me to bed.
Miles: Oh but kid! I'm sure there is no bed for you!
Xavier:...
Missy: My son has a brain like a dance floor. Made of fucking cardboard.
Sari: *hiss* Wait no, son, the apple puree...its sound, its timbre, it does not suit my inherited voices!
Xavier: That literally meant nothing. I'm done with y'all.
Sari: That's what they all say!
Miles: Kai left some messed-up shit on his account. Why wouldn't he delete his history?
Missy: And my point proves itself again, cardboard-brains.
Miles: We all love you too Mum.
And what has the esteemed father of Missy's idiot children been doing?
Mason: Have we always had that sink?
Going senile I guess.
Xavier: Can't...take it...too tired - *hits the floor*
Sari: Aww, fuck.
Miles: Great parenting sis.
Sari: Shut up!
Aaliyah is getting another grandchild, at least she would be if she were
Alive and all that.
Tristan: My quest for identity continues to be compelling!
Yes, look at all the screentime you've got today.
Bentley: So why are you two blue again?
Catalina: Well, you see, our mother is blue and-
Tristan: Don't bother. He'll never remember Granddad. The man's an idiot, it's a shame we're descended from him.
Catalina: We are? Oh God. I'm doomed.
Bentley: Now you listen here, you disrespectful little whelp-
Catalina: Meh, he's incorporeal, what's he gonna do?
Tristan: That's the spirit, sis.
Bentley: My wife would not stand for this disrespect.
Lol yes she would. She'd laugh at you.
Tristan: HA, as if you had a wife, loser!
Catalina: No, he definitely had someone, otherwise why would we be cursed with existence?
Bentley: Ah, now that sounds like one of Zen's kids!...That's not a good thing.
Tristan: She's fine. Just dramatic. And boring, according to everyone.
Catalina: I like spoons.
Dylan's son that he's been a deadbeat to grew up bald. And Elvira, Tamsin's daughter, grew up into a very dramatic hairstyle. I guess she's taken to coven life.
Tristan: So, Tossie, I met that dead guy you talked about. Y'know the one, Bent something?
Tosca: More like bent in the head. He really is that dumb, I told you.
Dylan: Yeah he's far out, that guy.
Tristan: That's Dad saying that.
Tosca: Right?
Dylan: Good meal, right Cat darling?
Catalina: I'm so doomed.
Tris: Right. Jokes are good, jokes are an integral part of a person! Hey, so, Mario slips on a banana peel and says-
Dylan: No no no son. I'm the funny guy around here.
Mason: *sigh* Tell a joke then, Dylan.
Dylan: Uh...a blue man walks into a bar and asks for, uh, red-
Mason: My legacy is doomed.
I mean it's not like you're renowned for your funniness, Mason.
Mason: Maybe not, but I knew better than to try, A skill these 'jokers' clearly don't have.
Meanwhile Tosca...
Tosca: Tell the haters I'm vibing.
You're like twelve, you have no haters.
Missy: Hey. Husband. Let's talk!
Mason: I'm in danger...
Missy: I mean you already gouged out a chunk of your fucking leg, you idiot.
Mason: But nothing is wrong! Let's just coexist! I do still love you, like, a little bit!
Missy: Well I never!
Dylan: *phases into the wall* Draaaaama.
Missy and Mason: Get out DYLAN!
Dylan: They agreed on something! I'm helping! :)
And what was Miss Sahara doing? Sleeping through everything.
Neelesh: You look like you could use some cheering up, Miss. I know just the thing-
Sahara:...No thanks.
Neelesh: But I didn't even say it, my ice-blue beauty.
Aside from the grieving for an aunt who didn't even like her, Sari is Sari.
Sari: Wheee I'm a dolphin! Ooh, I could use this as backing vocals-
Dylan:...Oh dear. This is not what I wanted.
Had to happen, sorry dude. Enjoy being middle-aged.
Soon after, Xavier woke up, cranky and in need of food and a bath. Dylan was acting like he had it covered.
Xavier: He does NOT.
Dylan: Look at this good meal! Yum yum!
And of course, we have the classic "probably got thrown off the bus early for being too smelly". Poor kid.
Tosca: I don't care what they think! That dude back there's giving off real over-the-hill douchebag vibes, and I don't like it.
Orlando: Whaddup braaaaah.
Oh, ew. Tosca, get inside!
Orlando: How am I the gross one, you seen that kid?
Lana: -y'know, it's a very classy affair, we're selective. You should be honoured-
Tosca: Yeah, OK Auntie. Selective. Grandma told me about your latest husband. And apparently he's not even rich!
Tristan: It won't win me fans, but it could be something.
Tosca: No. No chauvinism.
Tristan: Y'know, 'once you're done with the dishes, make me a sandwich'?
Tosca: I think you're joking, but either way, if you say that again I'm going to murder you.
Is this just a ritual now? One of the grandparents comes home and stands dead-eyed with Xavier with a couple hours?
Mason: I don't know why she's so upset...wouldn't she like her space?
Xavier: Look granddad, I don't know, but I'mma be upset if I have to listen to your shit anymore.
Mason: Hey, watch it, I cleaned yours not so long ago.
Tristan: *yawn* We're like, the sleepy bois.
Catalina: Speak for yourself. I'm just tired of life.
Tosca: You two are weak. And Cat, as well as being a colouring throwback to Aunt Tamsin, you're also acting just like her.
Catalina:...Who?
Tosca: Mum's sister. Seriously, it's not original.
I knew this was coming. After all, Aaliyah wasn't much older than him. Still, this is gonna hurt.
Missy: Speak for yourself.
Mason, right next to her in bed: Hurtful.
Xavier woke Missy up.
Xavier: This is for being mean about Grandpa...kidding it's for the lolz.
Missy: He's fucking lucky I'm not in the mood for defenestration.
I've also realised that this wallpaper is good for one feature wall in a room and not a single tile more. Taking pictures like this in this room makes my eyes hurt.
Xavier: You toooo Grandpa!
Mason: *groan*
Missy: Huh, at least this whole ordeal is good for something.
Danika got married.
And so did Aaliyah's youngest, Mikayla.
Tosca: Screw that, it's my birthday, bitches.
The final generation as teens yeeeesss
Tosca: Lmao took you long enough.
Hush.
Tosca: I feel a strange breeze up my ass-
Missy: Jesus girl, put some pants on in the kitchen!
Tosca: I'm sorry. I don't know what's going on with me. It's like I lost my filter.
Missy: Oh no.
Oh yes. The Erratic genes are going strong! Happy birthday, Tosca!
She also has Fabulously Wealthy, and the Cheerful trait from her childhood.
Hey Mason? Actually just go die pls, I won't miss you.
Mason: Hey, Missy! I found some cake...that's cool, right?
Ugh. I had it all planned out - Tosca blows out the candles, then Tristan uses his free action to add candles and then blows them out! But instead I gotta wake Sari up to make another cake.
Sahara: Kind of hate you right now Dad.
Mason: Well I hate the state of this kitchen! Grumble grumble, moan moan-
Sahara: Shut up. Please.
Catalina: I aded too much milk to my cereal..
Tristan: Oh big whoop. I'm waiting an extra two hours for my birthday as my mum parades around the kitchen in her lingerie.
Sari: I'm not - ooh, maybe I am parading. Either of you two wanna go wake your dad up?
Dylan is literally the only one who's asleep right now. It's two fucking thirty. Sometimes I really hate this family.
Tristan: I call it the Dolphin Dance! Hot new craze!
Mason: But he's not even moving properly!
Catalina: Haha your legacy is doomed.
Tristan is a Dance Machine with the Curator aspiration.
Here's Tristan. He's cute, but only because Sari is cute. Because, like I thought, he's a male Sari with black hair. Sigh.
And here are their mermaid forms. Both teens took a hit to facial attractiveness. Tosca's nose is a bit too short and far away from her mouth, and Tristan...just looks slightly off. I think it's his mouth.
Finally, here is Cousin Elvira. She has the turquoise eyes that took four kids to show up in the main line. Typical. She is pretty though.
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