Denmark: Dammit, why is this homework so hard?
Fiji: Because you're an idiot?
Cambodia (with a different outfit bc CC glitch): Yeah, seriously Den-?
Djibouti: Do you need some help?
Denmark: Is this what high school has reduced me to? Asking my pathetic nerd brother for help?
Egypt: Would y'all shut up and let me get on with this, I wanna leave.
Later, the teens are still stuck doing homework.
Egypt: I await the day I can piss on your grave!
Denmark: Are you sure you want to say that to ME?
Cambodia: Ow, this floor hurts.
Djibouti: Look, bro, Egypt's a vampire and Fiji is Fiji, you're not top dog anymore. Get used to it.
Egypt: I'm not gonna protect you, Dji.
Dji: Shit.
Mala: Wanna talk to siblings!
Gunther: No you don't.
Literally all I'm doing with the teens is having them read this damn book.
Egypt: This is very useful.
Denmark: It's boring as fuck. I want to steal shit. Set some fires. Fun stuff.
Egypt: I mean useful for me. I don't care about you.
Egypt: I mean useful for me. I don't care about you.
Egypt: Curse this overstuffed household! Vampires don't get diseases!
Does it say so in the tome?
Egypt: Well...no, but, I'm sure it's true! My father-
OK Malfoy.
Gunther, on the couch with Elin: Yeah, yeah I know it ain't me.
Elin: So what? Who wouldn't sleep with a vampire if they had the chance? The others are all yours!
Gunther: Are you sure about that?
Elin: Well, most of them. Anyway, if you're so unhappy you could just fuck off. I've got this.
Gunther: And you've also got me by the balls. Literally. I am a little afraid of you.
Elin: Good, good. Come to bed, I'm bored.
Bosnia gave birth to Elin's first great-nephew. Also the kids' nephew.
And Egypt's HALF-BROTHER.
Egypt: Lol, Denmark, I'm already done. Look, I understand all of volume 1. Look.
Denmark: I'm not the stupid one!
Cam: Well nobody said that, Den...I think vampires call it projecting, dear.
Egypt: Cambodia, everybody calls it projecting.
Egypt obviously doesn't need sleep, so he just skilled all night.
Guatemala: These people are messed up. Like, I'm pretty clingy. But I've never been happier than now. When I've been abandoned. Apple sauce is my dad now.
Nah your Dad is the klepto cop.
Elin: *hiss* Go away, Consequence, and get out, voices! The time is not now! Domination later!
She is still Erratic.
Mala: Yeah I definitely wish she never came back. Sheesh.
Mala: You're not my real dad!
Gunther: Well sure, but your mother's in space blowing up satellites so-
Mala: I want my dad Applesauce!
Gunther: Oh. Well, fine, you just ate your dad so listen to me.
Every kid got an A. Apart from Egypt.
Egypt: I'm sick and I just aged up last night, cut me a break.
Yeah yeah, just go do your homework.
Dji: So can I get out of this house of assholes?
Den: It's not that simple is it?
Cam: Nope.
Nope.
Nope.
Fiji: Guys, I literally fell into a mud puddle today and I'm still the happiest of you. Doesn't that just show why I could rule you all?
Den: In your dreams, Fij.
Elin: Come on, I found the answer key to this bullshit. Let's knock off that homework so you can study and become the best vampire.
Egypt: Wow, thanks Mum! Maybe you are a good parent after all!
Djibouti: Well, ain't that just swell.
Gunther: Oh don't act surprised, 'son', you really think she doesn't have favourites?
Djibouti: I've known she has favourites since I was a baby!
The first Gunther spawn has been birthed.
Elin: I'd say you're about 95% as cute as you were the day we met, Gunther.
Egypt: Ha! Talk about a backhanded compliment.
Dji: Lol.
Cambodia hit Level 10. Woop woop. 5 more levels to go.
Cambodia: I declare this 100% not worth it. I wanted to learn how to be a teenage criminal and steal tons of shit.
Gunther:...Fiji. What do you want?
Fiji: Why nothing, dear stepfather.
Gunther: Try again.
Fiji: Ugh. Fine. Cam got me sick and Mum says the only person I can take my annoyance out on is you. *changes channel* Now we're watching a bright, loud cartoon because I am a kid. And I'm probably gonna get you sick.
I think that was Akira's ex? Still not as weird as having Vlad's son, Bos.
Godspeed and good luck, dear.
Egypt: Aren't I the only person who's supposed to be awake at 3am?
Mala: Feed me? Pwease?
Egypt: You're so pathetic. I suppose I'll take pity on you and give you some sustenance.
He loves her.
The family is kind of boring right now. Every kid is just skilling. Elin is trying to build a wormhole to Sixam. And Gunther is still head househusband.
Gunther: *washes a million dishes*
Kids: I would help him but I don't want to.
Mala is also skilling.
Mala: But where does the waste go?
Egypt maxed out Vampire Lore before all of his older siblings.
Egypt: Sleep is for the weak. And the human. Which is still the weak.
Az: I see things haven't changed much around here. Who's that little one?
Cambodia: That's Fiji. She's interesting. So is this vampire stuff, but I'm glad I'm done.
Denmark: AWWWWW, what? How are you done already?
Egypt: She started earlier than you, and you're a weak sleeper.
Fiji: And she's smarter.
Cam: Well shit Den, you just got burned.
Den: Things have changed in this house, and I don't like that.
Fiji: Thank me later.
Fiji's skilling is the slowest thing ever. She just won't stay talking to Egypt. She's still Level 8 for fucks sake.
Fiji: Because I don't like these troglodytes.
Egypt: And this bitch wants to talk to me?
Fiji: No. I don't.
Az: Oh do her a solid and help her with her skills.
Egypt: Mr Perfect.
Fiji: Right? Just let me finish off the dumb skill and we can bully someone later.
Elin: Azerbaijan! My dear son, it's been a while. Give your old mum a hug, huh?
Az:....This ain't right. What do you want, Mum?
Az: Yeah, I'm out of here.
Cam: Take me with you...plsssss
Elin: Not so fast, young lady. You have to prove you can hold DOWN that A grade!
Elin: Gunther dear, did all the kids smell this bad?
Gunther: Yes. You don't know, because-
Elin: You raised them all, yadda yadda ya. Well, fine. I'll bathe Mala.
Mala: You are my mother though....
Cam: Seriously? Gunther raised us?
Gunther: Exactly. You should treat me with more respect and appreciation-
Denmark: No.
Fiji: Watch this! "Meh meh meh, I'm Egypt and my DADDY is a vampire!"
Egypt: Seriously? You aren't funny at all. Go to hell, you little brat!
Fiji: Nyeh, nyeh, don't care!
Egypt: Right. You CAME from hell. That explains everything.
Fiji: You are literally a vampire! You're way more hellish!
Mala: Noooo I don't wanna eat my father again.
Cam: What have Mum and Gunther been telling this kid?...Uh, Mala, that's not your father. But neither is Gunther, at least. So that's something.
Djibouti: All of this led up to the book telling you how NOT to be a vampire? That's a fucking waste. Oh well, at least I've got some freedom.
3/4 down.
Fiji: OK Cam, now that I don't have to speak to any of you anymore, I'm gonna inflict some revenge on you for getting me sick. Look at this. Look how sick I am.
Cam: Idk, you seem your usual self. Not a compliment btw.
Fiji's also done.
Now it's just Denmark.
Fiji: Lolololol he is the stupid one.
Cam: Oh 100%.
Elin: I don't want to hear about your mess of a life, Bosnia. Take that crap to a therapist.
Bosnia: If I had a therapist I'd talk to them about YOU.
Elin: Oh. OK then. I'm honoured.
I'm having Egypt do stuff for his aspiration now.
Egypt: So. My mum actually wanted you.
Vlad: I'd like to say yes but...probably no. I feel pretty be used by Elin, to be honest-
Egypt: OK, I was just trying to roast you, don't need a backstory. Train me?
Vlad: You're rude. I like that. Let's go.
The next morning...
Egypt: *hiss* Infidelity!
Yeah that's old hat. Now go inside.
Elin has a man over. Four kids are gonna move out this week and she needs to get knocked up again.
Meanwhile Egypt is about to kill himself.
Elin: Like what you see?
Leland: Hell yeah, baby. But I've heard tellings of tents and bushes. Let's not with that. These old hips can't take it.
Denmark: Well now I know what to yeet at any vampire who comes near me.
Dji: Maybe we should throw one at Egypt, deflate his head a little.
Den: I haven't taken suggestions from you, ever, and I'm not gonna start now. Hey, maybe I should throw a cure at Egypt.
Dji: *sigh*
Four for four, all before school starts. The next part of this interlude should be a BREEZE.
Elin: Oh God, he tastes like false teeth and puree.
Leland: Why thank you young lady, I haven't been touched in years.
Elin: Ugh. Whatever. Wanna come join the fifty-mile high club?
Leland: Where's the aeroplane?
Elin: No, that ain't it.
So they did it in the rocket.
Leland: Ooh, ow, my chest, my heart. I don't have as much energy as I used to.
Elin: We get it. You're old and....I'm kind of bored now. Get out.
In another world, Leland is trying to feel young, so he marries obvious gold-digger Elin, who will probably do her best to hasten the inevitable heart attack.
But in this world, that ain't happening.
Elin: Seriously, I've called you an Uber. See you soon!
Gunther: Heyoooo, call me lame now, kids! See how cool that was?
*crickets*
Yeah they're not in here. Now that they're on free will they do actual fun things. But Gunther is a boss at cooking by now.
Go INSIDE you fucking loser.
Cambodia: What the Watcher said!
Egypt: But I *hiss* wanna enjoy the pool too!
Cambodia: Well that's the price you pay for being a vaaaampire, bighead! Just use it at night!
This is the most wholesome thing that's happened in this WYDC.
Dji: If we hide here Den and Fiji won't 'jokingly' hit me in the nuts!
Mala: That's why I spend all my time in here brother :)
Egypt: This kid is so slippery I might drop her.
Gunther: Oh right! She exists.
Cambodia: I forgot too.
Mala: I feel so loved.
Dji: I love you non-sarcastically, Mala!
Mala: Meh.
She's growing into a child, finally!
Mala: Wow. I grew up already ill. Y'all are a hotbed for infection, I'm keeping AWAY.
Guatemala is a Loner, with the Artistic Prodigy aspiration.
And to round off this very successful weekend, Elin maxed out Rocket Science.
Ain't she thrilled?
Elin: Fuck off I'm working.
Bosnia: Holy shit lil' sis. You're TERRIBLE.
Mala: But at least I didn't do it with my half-brother's dad.
Bosnia: Did she tell everybody about that? It made sense at the time OK!
The next morning...
Elin: I don't WANT another baby!
But you will tho :).
Elin: Ah, my two prides and joys. Plus your sister, of course. You know the one.
Egypt: 100%.
Elin: Seriously, a distressingly large number of my children are very lame.
Den: Because you let GUNTHER raise us. I'm still not over that, and neither is Cam.
Elin: Please, at least you had someone to change your shitty nappies.
Elin: This one...I don't even want to acknowledge his existence.
Den: Haha, good one mum. Did someone just sit down? Not that I noticed.
Egypt: Lol.
Dji: I hate this fucking family.
Dji: Ow! My fingers! Help me!
Fiji: Absolutely not, you did this to yourself and it is funny to me.
Gunther: I don't even wanna know, and definitely don't wanna get involved.
Dji: Nobody asked you Gunther! Owwwww!
Gunther knows his lot in life, and acts out in small ways to get a bit of power back.
Like throwing bowls straight into the sink so they break.
Gunther: Uh...it was an accident. Yeah. An accident. Tell Elin that please.
Elin: Nobody told me building a wormhole would be so hard! Hhhhhh.
Nice face, girl.
Literally all Elin and Gunther did today was work. No toddlers makes for very quiet school days.
Elin: And yet you want me to have another one.
Mhm. You know very well what the WYDC is.
Elin: You're very well trained, my dear.
Gunther: Yeah yeah *eyeroll*
Elin: But apparently not trained enough to not break a million dishes.
Gunther:...I'll scrub it extra-good, Elin, I promise, I promise.
Elin: Good :)
Egypt: I wanna laugh at that mess but also I'm burning alive.
Denmark: Haha, I broke free - ow, Fiji, get off my foot.
Fiji: Fuck you!
Guatemala: Does this happen every day?
Cambodia: I've arranged our moving-out. We will live together because nobody else can really understand us.
Dji: Yikes...you're right, but yikes.
Egypt: I don't want to live with you lot but I am also too lazy to make my own plans so...
Cambodia: So you're coming? Good. You can use your freaky vampire powers to make money. Steal wallets and all.
Dji: Oh God I'm having second thoughts but-
Cambodia: You are also too lazy? Understood.
Fiji: Jeeeesus Christ, sis. I thought Bosnia was being dramatic because...y'know, she's Bos, but damn, you suck.
Guatemala: I KNOW. I have to hear this shit loudest of all.
Egypt: I regret dancing with you, Dji.
Cam: As you should, he's shit.
Dji: Seriously? We're doing the same moves!
Elin: Yes, but it's about the attitude dear.
Cam: Well damn, hate to admit it, but you're right Mum!
Elin: Of course dear.
Gunther: -but I thought that's why we had that 'special' bush put in, y'know, for fun times like-
Elin: You got a RASH last time. And then whined about how our sheets itched for like a full week...oh fine, screw it. I need to release some tension.
Mala: I just saw them coming outside looking like THAT and now I'm playing louder.
Smart girl.
Elin: What's that? You want the anti-itch cream now? What did I tell you last night?
Gunther: I know, I know. It was worth it though.
Elin: Maybe for you. Go order a silk sheet or something, we've been making shit tons of money lately.
Gunther: That's not a half-bad idea.
Elin: Stealing people's money and making them miserable? That seems like a me thing. Yeah. Programming! Let's do it.
Elin installed every possible upgrade to her rocket, and maxed the skill. We're gonna find a dad on Sixam at some point, but for now we're gonna start her on her next skill!
Elin: Hello Bosnia. Good to see you. Is your new marriage shitty too?
Bosnia:...No.
Elin: So why are you here?
Bosnia: Uh...seeing the family and all, just catching up with my little siblings.
Elin: Try harder than that, please!
Cambodia: If you make one more vampire pun-
Egypt: *pout* But they're fang-tastic!
Dji: Hell, even I know that's lame.
Fiji: Your stink cloud is lamer. No wonder nobody wanted to sit next to you on the bus.
Dji: Nobody sits next to me anyway, Fiji!
Mala:...You didn't help your case there bro.
Egypt finally hit A, and Guatemala got a B. The three eldest are on their second day of As, as is Fiji, and tomorrow we will have the Great Caking.
But for now, one more boring-ass night of homework and for Mala, skilling.
Guatemala: Seriously, bio-Dad? Now you reach out? I called bowls of applesauce my father figures when I was a toddler!
Kian: Well...babies are ew. But now you can talk properly. And you don't shit yourself. So...come smoke weed with me or something. Or whatever it is that kids do.
Guatemala: I'm gonna do my homework now. *hangs up*
Den: D: What do you MEAN we're all moving out together?
Dji: Trust me, I'm not totally on board either. But it was Cam's plan.
Den: I'm doing my own thing!
Dji: Moving out is a lot of effort. Do you think Gunther or Mum are gonna help us?
Den:...I suppose not. And I am way too lazy to sort my own shit out. Oh Goddammit, I'm still gonna be stuck with you losers, aren't I? Right?
Dji: We're not-
Den: Yes you are.
The next morning, because honestly I just want to move out some kids and have been speeding through the past couple days...
Gunther: Come on Elin-
Elin: You wanted the bush last time, so yeah. Let's do it again.
Gunther: But I have a-
Elin: Rash? I know. Come on now.
Cam: Sweet freedoommm!
Fiji: It's not fair! I wanna leave too!
Gunther: Do I...no, I don't. I don't think I care.
Cam grew up with the Family-Oriented trait. No wonder she's trying to keep her siblings together.
Cam: Alright, adulthood here I come. Boys, you ready?
Den: Hehe.
Dji: You really had to spray confetti right into my eyes, Denmark?
Cam: Yeah he did. It's kind of funny.
Fiji: OW why is that chair in the way?
Dji: It's always been there, lil Fij.
Fiji: You are so lucky you're moving out...
Fiji is TBC in terms of looks due to this outfit. She should be cute tho. She got the Dance Machine trait and the Author aspiration. So I'll probably have her max dancing instead of Vampire Lore. The endless evenings of watching the C-E kids poring over their books bored me to tears.
OK now it's Den and Dji's turns.
Dji: I'm not ready.
Egypt, singing: Toooooo bad!
Cam: Quit whining, bro. We can get away from HER at least.
Dji: Fiji?
Den: God my entire family is made of idiots.
The twins, opposites to the end that they are, grew up with very opposing traits. Dji is Romantic, while Den is noncommittal.
OK, fuck off y'all.
Oh, and here's Fiji. She's pretty, and takes after her Dad (Akira Kibo) quite a bit. But she has Elin's lips and hair like most of the kids seem to get.
Next time it's Baby H. Finally!
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