8.11 - Ebony and Bentley's Parenting Competition



We open with Bentley fighting a losing battle.

Bentley: *sob* It's neverending!

He missed the birth of his last child for this.

Bentley: Wait what?


And more Bentley Fails.

Bentley: My sweater can slide too, y'all!

Nah, he just needs to render.


Mariska!

Mariska: Everybody I live with is FURIOUS. Not like Felix would have used that empty house slot for a wife or anything...dumbass.


I swear at some point every generation, the NTHs all get obsessed with the grill.

This is that point. 3 things made in less than 24 hours, with others before that.


The 'no-one-ages-while-pregnant' setting was on for Zen's last two pregnancies...but it was supposed to be off. She should definitely be an adult by now. So I aged her up even though it said 2 days away.

Zen: I don't like this!

I think she aged well though, TBH.



Here is Adult-stage Zenobia, all made over for middle age.

...She got thick.



Bentley: So...how's the kid?

Zenobia: Oh. Interesting. I assumed you didn't care.

Bentley: Aw, come on, please don't do this.

Zenobia: Do what?



Ali: Ooh! Peas! This is a good day!

Only The Chillest Child (tm) could be this happy, sitting in a filthy highchair, eating a purely vegetable-based breakfast.

Ali: Cos peas are beast!



Bentley is missing work, the idiot.

Come on Bentley. I believe in you. But you've done two idiot things this morning alone so...pull it together, k?



Zen: You are a terrible child-

Ali: I just said the peas could use a little more salt!

Zen: YOU could use a little less, Aaliyah!

Ali: I don't understand.



Gross.

Ali: This object is CURIOUS, I tell you. Curious!



Bentley I'm not liking your resemblance to Brad in his worse moments.

Bentley: I can drink on a Friday afternoon! Treat yourself, amirite?

After bumming around all day, just napping and eating, NO. You don't deserve to treat yourself.



Zenobia: Yeeees, sparkles, take the child who cannot possibly be my actual child.

Ali: I don't want to do this anymore.

Zenobia: Bathroom sacrifices FTW!

Ali: Help.



Ali: Pls stop spinning me.

Zen: You chunk on my face and you die.

Ali: Then stop.



Groot: What is that amazing smell?

...Wouldn't call it amazing, my dear.



Oh look, a filthy toilet.

Bentley: That looks like someone else's problem.

It always is, with you NTHs. *curmudgeonly muttering*



Ali: Play with me?

Ebony: Of course! What do we wanna be...princesses, airplanes...?

Zenobia: Wow, Eb. You're very mean...to think I was scared of you stealing my thing. You couldn't steal my thing, not even if your soft little self tried its hardest.

Ebony: You're a horrible mother. Be quiet as I flaunt my parenting skills, better than you, even though I'm like 14.

Zenobia: Then why don't you get knocked up?...Actually don't. Seriously don't.



Ali: Airplanes!

Ebony: Riiiiiise!

Zenobia: Just keep 'parenting' then, Eb.

Bentley: Do I want to know what all of this is, Zen darling?

Zenobia *laughs* No.



Ebony: OW MY BACK.

Ali: Gimme books or give me...anything. I'm chill.

Ebony: Ugh, like heck you are, you little faker-

Ali: Think what you like. I know ya love me.



Ebony: And then the cat was hit by the pillow, almost losing his life in the process. How do you like that story, Miss Chill?

Ali: *shrug* That cat's a hero. Tell me more about him.



Ebony: Whatever, Grandma. This isn't for you. I'm just gonna honour... Ida. That...other person.

Summer: Why impress the dead when you can impress the immortal, all-powerful Master Vampire who can fuck you up at any point? You might be my granddaughter but I'd still hurt ya.

Ebony: Boy I just love threats of violence from my own family...but fine. I'll join your dumb club.

Summer: For...

Ebony: *sigh* You, Grandma.



Lux: I wonder which one of these losers wants this salad dumped on their head?

Oh, hey Lux. Haven't seen you in a while.

Lux: Good. Don't assume I want to have you around.

Damn, I forgot how hurtful you can be.



Aaliyah: Hey you guys...these stairs are really high-

Zenobia: You wanna be chill? Then be chill and low-maintenance. Mama's got stuff to do.

Lux: You say that like you don't always have 'stuff to do'.

Zenobia: I'm not going to take that from you, Lux.

Lux: Yeah, whatever. I'm gonna go put this fruit salad in your pillowcase. Buh-bye now.

Aaliyah: Now that isn't very chill.

Zenobia: OMG would you all just shut up?



Zenobia: Did she say something about my pillowcase?



Groot: Wow, can't somebody clean the bathroom for once in their sorry life.

Why don't you do it ya little shit?



Ebony: *giggling*

Danika: Are you ever going to move or...

Ebony: As if, this is too amusing.

Danika: What is?

Ebony: You, a tragic dead child, trying to enjoy 'life'!

Danika: I'm not afraid of you lot. Least of all you, Eb. You love us and you know it. I did see you playing and reading with Ali.



Zenobia: Luxy?

Lux: Yeeees?

Zenobia: Whatever you have done, undo it.

Lux: Make me.



Zenobia: Look, another one of my disappointments, too good to sit next to her mother!

Ebony: Hey, I - shut up! I don't want to sit next to you anyway.

I wonder why, Zen.

Zen: Whatever. You wish you could be me.

Not really, hon.



Ali: Wheeeee!

Groot: Blood rush, blood rush!

Can't anyone play with this kid NORMALLY?



Zenobia: What the HELL is going on over there?

Ebony: God I love it when my mum has a minor breakdown.

I wish I could say you're being sarcastic.



These days, it's not a Sutherland update without Lux injuring herself on the slide.

Lux: Oh, crap, not good, MY FREAKING BACK - Watcher go away!

Never.



Bentley: Seriously? You've got time for this?

Zenobia: Sure I do. I'll grab the handcuffs, you grab the whipped cream-

Lux: Wow, it's almost like I don't exist.

Bentley: Oh I know you're there. I just thought you might have moved.

Lux: I didn't think things were going to go in THAT direction, jeez Bentley. I just want to go on this awesome slide and-



Lux: -OUCH! I blame them! I'm all rattled now!

That and you're bad at this.

Lux: TAKE IT BACK.



Uni: So how bad do you think that one's gonna be?

Dino: Oh, so now you ask me questions?

Uni: Not my fault the other two are squabbling about their ear size. Anyway, thoughts?

Aaliyah: Could you guys turn it down a little? Blocks are hard.

Uni:...Guess my question's answered!



Ebony: Wow...what a gross toilet! Who did that?

Who knows at this point? I played this chapter in itsy-bitsy chunks over a long period of time so...I forgot. Also how did it get worse?

Ebony: Can we blame Groot and call it a day?



Zenobia: You know these hips don't lie.

She seriously did get thick. Not that that's a problem.

Zenobia: The problem is that my underwear still looks like it belongs to a sorority girl.

I'm not changing it.



Some distant cousins got married. Ciera is Ashby's first late-in-life baby, and William is Matt's grandson from his only daughter Megan.



Also I'm pretty sure nobody remembers Avani anymore apart from me, but I'm glad Crazy Wall Chick has found someone to love her.



Note to Lux, I might take pictures of your worst moments but I'm an equal-opportunist when it comes to that.

Bentley: Fine! Reassure the kid I guess. But did you have to sacrifice my dignity?

You live with this family, Bent. What dignity?

Bentley: ...I...

Byeee!



Seriously she looks so much like him.

Ebony: Too bad. He's a horrible father.

And your mother's better?



Lux: It is your fault my bedsheets are damp and smell like chlorine!

Danika: Pretty sure it's because you lay on them in your damp swimsuit.

Drago: Oooh snap.

Blarffy: I like this see-through ghost thing.

Danika: Oh screw you guys. I know you know me. I've been living here for SIXTY YEARS-

Blarffy: OK, OK, deep breaths, you two-

Lux:...You are LAME!

Also Danika's orange because of a dirty nappy so THANKS ALI, -5!



Lux: Dishes make life worth living!

Um...

Lux:...But don't tell the others they'll laugh.



Lana's kid aged into YA, meaning that Mariska's twins must also be YAs.

...I wish Lana had had another kid. Guess she still can though.



Brad: My legacy is an embarrassing one! D:

Lux: And a pliƩ - shit, gonna fall-

I see.

Brad: That, and the second I died and you let my cheating widow move out of this house, she married the man she was cheating on me with? Who was our daughter's fiance? Remember that?

-__- Yeah. I remember. But Zen's happy with-

Brad: She's happy? How could you let that happen? God, everything is a failure now!



Lux: You guys ain't shit anyway!

Blarffy: I've survived nearly eight generations of stupid little children like you!

Lux: *gasp* I-

Dino: Ooooooh, you got got, Luxy!

Uni: Wow, Dino, you ruined everything good about Blarffy's comeback.



Lux: Obviously I didn't mean you, Drago. You're great. I mean, you're the closest thing we have to a demon so...I like having you 'round.



Lux: You were the one half-decent adult in this house...at least until Bentley. He's not bad.

Brad: But he makes your mother so...happy. *shudder*

Lux: I know, right? It's a serious drawback.



Lux: *yawn* Damn, I'm pretty tired.

Groot: Maybe it's because you woke up at 2.30am and haven't been back to bed since.

Lux: If I want your input, I'll ask for it.

Ebony: Right? But seriously Lux, you should have gone to bed.

Lux: Guess so, sis.

Groot: But - I - what?



Zen: For the last time, Lux, get the FUCK away from that crib. I'm not in the mood for this!

Lux: What, you think I can't do this?

Zen: It is literally impossible, Lux! You are a child!

Groot: Coming in hot to block my sis.

Mason: You're all the wooooorst!



Aaliyah: Bow before me!

Uggggh.



According to her picture she is 'angry'.

Aaliyah: Yeah. I'm a little mad. 'Dropped' my food, I'm a bit dirty, this highchair is covered in maggots...and Dad's just staring at the wall and won't come near me!

*squishes face* So cute!



Ebony: Bathtime?

Ali: Yup.

Ebony: And that's how you do it, Bentloser.



Lux: Why am I always in the wrong place at the wrong time?



Bentley: So you liked going on top? Hm-

Zenobia: You know me, I'm pretty domin-

Lux: Ew! Ew! Do this somewhere else.

Zenobia: You go somewhere else!



Zenobia: I'm trying to propose here!

Bentley: Really? Thank you! I...I don't know what to say.

Lux: Say no, dummy. Say no and get out of here.

Zenobia: Shhshshsh Lux. Ignore her. Bentley?



Zen: Let's do this!

Lux: Pff. I guess that'll work until you meet Grandma Summer.

Zen: Lux SHUT UP.

Bentley: Yeah...why haven't I properly met your Mum?



Aaliyah: These are some nice foods!

Lux: Oh God HOW AND WHY DOES SHE LIKE MUM'S COOKING?

...But you like it.

Lux: It's all we have!



Mercy: That was an uncomfortable walk over here...but at least Zen's new baby can see dis blade.

I wish you'd stop with that.

Mercy: Never.



Lux: Fine! You get a hug, loser. Are you happy now? I hope not!

Groot:...Love you too, Luxy.



Mercy: Come on, Mason! Look! Look at it!

Mason:...I am not interested.

Mercy: The katana is a way of life, and I want you to belong to that way of life...

Mason: Can you just feed me?

Mercy: Absolutely not...wait, do you like cow blood? I've got some on me.

Mason: ...OK so can someone else feed me?



Bentley: OK Aaliyah I found the book!

Ebony: You snooze you lose. Ali's playing with me - Groot get out the way!

Groot: You're a nice child! Tell them to respect me.

Bentley: She's nice but...I wouldn't take advice from a baby, Groot.

Aaliyah: Even if they did, I couldn't do that favour, Uncle Groot. Not for you.

Ebony: OH SNAP.

It is kinda sweet how devoted Ebony is to her little sister.



NO FREDRICK.

That's basically the last one of Summer's acquaintances. RIP Fred. I don't remember much about him apart from that he generally stood around and rolled his eyes at other people being stupid.



Lux: You think we should get more sleep?

Danika: Never.



Uh. Blaze. Weird fucking thing to ask your daughter to do.

Ebony: I would actually rather die.



Mercy: Katana give me strength! Doctor Nox MUST get that poison gas into the power station! I believe in you, so-called 'villain'!

Stop ruining the sofa.



Mason: Hm. You're not bad at this. You're pretty OK, Uncle Groot.

Groot: The others would call that blasphemy, y'know.

Mason: Meh. Screw 'em. They didn't help me. And Dad just wanted to watch Aaliyah.

(That is true. Mason was screaming his head off and Bentley just stood in the hallway watching Zen taking care of Aaliyah).

Groot: Really? Interesting. Very interesting. We could -

Groot shut up, you move out in 3 days and will have nothing to do with this kid.



Bentley: *yelling* MERCY WHY'D YOU TEXT ME? YOU'RE IN THIS HOUSE!

Mercy: The katana wants what it wants!

Bentley: WHAT?

Mercy: I SAID-

Bentley: No, I heard you...just WHAT?



Ebony: I own this shit.

Bentley: Congratulations, you made yourself pasta. I'm soooo proud.

Ebony: Better than getting cold sausage stew out of the fridge, Bents.

Ebony is a pretty great teen. Takes care of the toddler, makes food and doesn't start fires. I like her.



Groot: SIS I THINK I BROKE MY NECK!

Zenobia: *hums* Did anyone else hear that? Plants? *calls* EBONY? DID YOU HEAR THAT?

Ebony:...What? You really are insane, Mum.

Groot: GUUUUUUYS



Bentley: See Ebony you're not the only one who cooks!...And yeah, that cold sausage stew was kinda gross.



Bentley: A happy family...just us and our daughter.

Zenobia: Bentley we gotta son too. And give Ali to me, she's hungry.

Ali: I've been saying that for twenty minutes, y'know.

Zenobia: *sigh* C'mon, Bentley, give her over.



Glass: You hurt Zen and...we might hurt you. Depends if we're bothered. If you want Brad's ghost cookies, I say hurt her.

Bentley: I'm gonna just...go.

Glass: You say that but...



Bentley: HA! I moved! That ghost lady was wrong.

She was Zen's grandma, she was called Glass and she's awesome. Watch your tone...man. And go to bed. Don't eat Eggs and Toast at 2 in the morning. And thanks a bunch for breaking the stove.



Ali: Uh, can you guys let me out?

Glass: Ha! No way! I'm about to beat the Willow Creek team in Fifa Incredible Sports!

Groot: I'm too cool for this! (That'll show Ebony and Lux).

Groot abandoning her doesn't make you cool. That makes you an asshole.



Ali: Hey hey hey! Bro I can't wait until you grow up and hang out with me!

Mason: Sure, whatever.

Ali: Chin up. Things are gonna get...chiller.

Zenobia: *groans and rolls over* Would you both shut up?



Groot: From one man of the house to another, we should really try to-

Bentley: OK, let's not do gender roles here-

Groot: You say that as you prepare to marry the queen of pink...

Bentley: Not my choice what she wears, is it? And pink or not, she runs this place. Accept it.

Groot: Hmmph.



Glass:...Yeah, sorry about the ghost rage. I'm trying to make up for it though.

YOU'RE. NOT. HELPING. This is a losing battle and you know it!

Glass:...Do I?

You really should!



Outside, the children have breakfast.

Lux: So are we going to plot or not, Aunt Dani?

Danika: Where did that come from?



I was cursing Eb as she approached and blocked Zen but...she's really good at this.

Ebony: Well DUH...but seriously, the smell means anyone with half a brain could get it. Which probably explains why most of them don't get it.

DAMN that was actually mean.

Ebony: Aha, yes!



Zenobia: Ah, me and my beautiful son!

Mason: Let's see how that song and dance lasts.

Of course he's already cynical.



He is adorable, but his face is kind of tiny for his features. He's got a short face and Tiny Nose (tm), but huge eyes and a wide mouth. I think he looks the most like Zenobia out of all the kids.

Next time, Groot, Lux and Aaliyah all age up. I know I said Lux would age up this chapter but...that ain't happening unless I want to make the chapter as long as the Bible. Which I don't. So Lux ages up next time!

Score Sheet- 85
Single Births (27) +135
Twin Births (4) +40
Aspiration Tiers (66) +330
Aspiration (10) +100
Grade A (7) +35
Randomising everything for 1 gen (5) +50
Not using spare's satisfaction points (6) +60 
Every 100,000 simoleons (5) +100
Immortalise TH (1) +5
Autonomous Skill Max (2) +20

Pass Out (109) -545
Self Wetting (29) -145
Fires (10) -100




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