(Pretty stupid to name this chapter a Horrible Histories pun, and a bad pun at that, but OH WELL)
Danika: I know you want a knife, but you're never gonna get it!
Mercy: Why are you taunting me? That won't be good for you.
Danika: Incorporeal, bitches! *flies off into the night sky*
(Not really, she just grabbed some cereal. Sat down in front of the TV, ate it...like a normal person)
Glass: WHEEEE!
Zenobia: What do you mean, you're better at being bad? I'm the OG here-
Mercy: You cower behind a facade, dear sister.
Zenobia: Whatever.
Mercy: And you don't have good retorts.
Zenobia: Listen up you bloodsucking little-
Mercy: I don't do that yet.
Zenobia: You will.
Mercy: Yeah. It might even be your blood.
You guys are actually good friends though. The first good friends of the generation and it's between the demon children. I wouldn't expect anything else.
Lana: Well, I've finished taking out my anger on Grandma!
Glass: *sings sadly* Why you gotta be so rude, don't you know I'm human too-
Lana: No you're NOT! Neither of us are!...Oh, goddamn, fucking Mariska, her dishes are everywhere-
Well...you two are roommates until someone moves out. The game may even move your eventual spouses in!
Lana: *groan*
Mercy: We can ally, sis. Destroy them all. I'm too small, you'll have to be my muscle.
Zen: ...I'm no muscle, I'm your basic, average-
Mercy: And the facade holds you back once more.
Oh . Well.
Zenobia got asked to join Ida's old club. I think this is the right one, it has the right required activities.
All the members are different b/c of the save file move. Also I guess they would have all died by now even if we didn't move saves.
Mercy: I have school right now, old man.
Hugo: Right. RIGHT. I forgot. Sorry. *hangs up*
Mercy: Well HE'S going on my knife list!
Purple Suit Reporter Lady: Ah! A ghost! Armpit, do the talking for me.
Ghost: Ah! I'm a ghost! I'm a GHOST! I realise it now! I just wanted to live in deniaaaallll!
Brad: I love this news program, holy shit.
You would.
Cowsy: Got your husband, blue lady!
Brad: I DON'T LOVE THIS! SPIT ME OUT! SPIT ME OUT!
Summer: Caleb wtf is wrong with you these days? You used to be cool. Now I don't even know what you are.
WHY.
You have an excuse though, random townie, because you haven't been to the wedding, nor have you been to the house multiple times. *cough* CALEB, DAHLIA, XENA, who have all done this shit in the past.
Danika: What can I say, except YOU SUCK.
Felix: I think you mean YOURSELF, DANI.
Danika: I'm quite sure I didn't.
Wow Felix you're really trying to get yourself slapped, aren't you.
Felix: Mother, I was going to use this computer! I!
Summer: Yeah, so?
Felix: SO MOVE!
Summer: *eye twitches* Felix there is another computer upstairs, go use it or so help me God I will BITE YOU.
Zenobia: No, we hate each other.
Mariska: Dammit. *shouting* Lana, put away the wood stake! We'll use it at the heir's wedding.
Hello, Katelin, my lovely.
Katelin: Don't marry me into the hellhole. Please.
Don't worry. All the kids left are terrible and don't deserve you.
Seriously, you know they're collectively terrible when Lana seems like the nicest of the generation. (Apart from Danika. But she doesn't have the Sutherland blood, so I'm not counting her.)
Jacoby: Your eyes are scary :(
Felix: Legs...weak. Feeling...dizzy.
The first kid ever to make it to Level 5 in an adult skill. It pains me to say so but...well done Felix.
Felix: Isoawesome. *passes out*
Not really though. (For both things).
This is Daya's step-granddaughter btw. You can actually see Cassandra in her. Yay genetics!
Clara: Wtf do you want? Do you know my dad or something? He says he was on the party scene in his 'youth'.
Summer: Yeah, he was. We mocked him relentlessly for having no eyebrows. Good times.
Clara being her...step-great-niece, I think, didn't stop Summer from having her dinner.
Felix: Autonomous restaurant-ing, as if.
Mariska: Dang it, Lana, put away the sword!
Lana: I told you this wouldn't work! - Hey! Make your bed!
Mariska: GAH.
Felix: *does the Running Man while honking like a goose in a pile of trash*
Seriously what.
Summer: Lothario Trust Fund - isn't that our ancestor?
I deleted him from this save file, but yes.
Summer: So why's he have a -
Just hack.
Yay Megan!
Megan: *death-glare*
Megan is the awesome child of Matt (I didn't think it was possible either but welp there you go).
...I'm gonna go visit her.
You two have grown children and grandchildren. Why are you adopting a toddler?
Ashby: Hey, we're pregnant together!
Noelle: *groan*
Looks like they're not the only ones. Why does this keep happening?
Bronson: Oh. Who are you?
Zenobia: I'm the most normal person this family has produced in a long long time!
Bronson: Interesting.
Brad: *laughs and shudders at the same time*
Bronson: Bard! Calm down. Zenobia seems nice. So you're my great-granddaughter?
Zenobia: Right on. Meet my friend the salmon,
Bronson: Oh, insanity is a curse. You poor girl.
Zenobia: Yeah. It's really hard, but I guess a sad man like you gets it.
Brad: *stifled laughter* I cannot believe someone is falling for this.
Bronson: I agr - what did you say?
Zenobia: Salmon is a girl's best friend.
I normally change the titles of the books, but this pun amused me. Well done, game. It's staying.
RIP Madalyn, you poor, put-upon woman.
That makes two triplets who are dead. Rachel is still alive...somehow.
Felix: You won't do anything to me! I'm too cool and you don't have the guts!
Mercy: TRY ME!
Felix: Oh yeah?
Mercy: Yeah!
Felix: Oh really?
Mercy: Really!
Felix: Oh no!
Mercy: I'm not repeating you this time, stupid!
WHAT?
Brad: I need to go but I don't see a toilet!
How long have you lived here? Go upstairs!
Brad: Why are there no toilets here?
Summer: Dude, GO UPSTAIRS.
Before that, they did this.
Summer: This velvet is soft!
Brad: Yeah - ooh, you go on top, my head-
Felix: Well, that ruined my day.
Summer: Ow, nail, who thought this was a good idea-?
Felix: Day utterly ruined.
Aw come on.
-5.
Brad: I love you already, but I'd love you more if you bought us a toilet-
Summer: For the love of God, there's a toilet upstairs, idiot.
What are you two doing?
Summer: Curtsy like a lady!
Brad: I have SIX fingers!
That would be five.
Felix: If these two don't leave it'll be my life that's ruined.
RIP to Rachel the salty and deluded.
Bye triplets. You were a lot of fun.
...Sorry Cowsy.
Cowsy: You have forsaken me!
And you were a bitch so...
Soon after, a bunch of people, as in two of Lyric's triplets, Ashby's baby daddy and Del's stepson died, plus a whole load of townies.
Felix: But why won't you listen to me? I'm cool, and they're WRONG.
Summer: Because as evil as they are, your sisters are right.
Zenobia: Caesar salad, you worthless bitch. You're just food. That's all you are. SHUT UP!
Felix: I don't want to be 'fanged'!
Lana: Dammit Mariska, put away the knife.
Mercy: Knife?
Fletcher: Wow, pretty! Would kiss!
Zenobia: He's wearing loafers with a hoodie. And he definitely isn't pretty.
Felix: Don't do it sis.
Zenobia: Since when did you give a shit?
Felix: Just don't want any reputation of yours tainting my awesomeness.
Zenobia: Of course.
Fletcher: What is this strange object, unknown to all men but the ones in this household?
Go home, you're stupid, how did you get in here, go home...
Fletcher: This is my home now.
GTFO!
Fletcher: I have discovered another strange object! Truly, this is a home of wonders...can I stay?
Brad: Who are you?
Felix: Does it matter? He needs to leave!
Felix stop making sense, since when did you do that?
Fletcher: Blue person! Your son says I must leave!
Summer: Goddamn you, Fletcher. Now I have to agree with my idiot son.
Fletcher: So what does that mean?
Summer: GODDAMN YOU FLETCHER. It clearly means GET OUT.
Ashby: Why am I doing this again? It's miserable.
You're dumb.
Lana married her (adopted) second cousin once removed. I guess I'll be OK with that...can't be bothered to fix it.
This in-law pair delivered their kids.
And Ashby had hers. Good names, but now she has five freakin' kids. Seriously.
Mercy: *rubs eyes* It's three freaking am.
Mariska: Shiiiit I'm wasted. I just need a house, man. *hangs up*
Quinton: Bonsai bushes ITCH!
Then GTFO of our freaking STUFF! Go calm yourself down.
Quinton: *flies upstairs and breaks a sink*
Ugh Q I love you but STAHP.
Danika: SHOWER TIME.
Or you could use the SHOWER behind you.
Bath-Shower: I am a BATH-SHOWER, how dare you misidentify me?
This is what I call being an ASSHOLE ZENOBIA.
Summer was there first and there was a free bathroom literally two feet away from this one!
Zenobia: Yeah, no, that's the mud bath area. Who knows what kind of water is flowing into there?
Summer: *intensely not giving a shit, just wants to shower*
Mercy: So, set up a time for stab practice?
Danika: I cannot with you right now.
Mercy: Well, we don't have to do it now-
Danika: STOP BEING A TWAT.
Mercy: You've made yourself a powerful enemy, Danika.
Quinton: ADIOS! *spins into grave*
Mercy: *chokes on ghost smoke* Now you're on my list! I just need the stupid knife!
Felix: Finally someone is showing me how awesome they think I - *is choked*
Zenobia: Hehe. The Galactic Garden told me to do it!
Felix: Dad, you suck, you're not even dancing OR doing the sounds.
Brad: Well - well - you can't hold a remote properly!
Felix: DON'T BRING MY REMOTE INTO THIS.
Brad: That remote is the property of us all! Stop mishandling it!
Felix: MAKE ME.
Y'all are stupid, shut up and be useful.
Oh look, it's Kale Dumbassery (TM).
I thought you were dead or something.
Kale: Yeah, I ran into Lana and I was like 'you're a vampire like my bitch niece and my wife, you guys friends?' She raised her eyebrows and said 'yeah, sure, dude'. How nice of her, right? No-one's spoken so kindly to me in YEARS!
Oh go away, you depress me.
I don't know if anyone remembers Saya, but I do!
RIP Saya. You were a lot of fun at the parties!
Seriously WTF.
Zenobia: So your stupid side is out again, huh Lana?
Lana: I will cut you.
Zenobia: You always look like you're plotting something.
Mercy: Yeah, and?
Zenobia: Be more subtle. HEY, HAIRBUNS. You look great, gotta love twins!
Brad: And with that I have become awesome.
Well...he did just hit level 4 mixology. He also has level 4 in cooking so tomorrow he should get a promotion! Woo!
Later...
Brad: A knife! You tried to buy a knife? How dare you!
Mercy: Where have you been?
Brad: What happened, why would you do this?
Mercy: Try every parenting decision you and Mum EVER made.
Brad: I still love you?
Mercy: And I do not. I'll vanquish you one day. But you know my thing is 'being in need of positive attention' so I'll take this.
Brad: I'm just glad that one of my kids still realises I exist.
Danika: Demon on board!
Mercy: Whatever. I'm the only playmate you have.
Danika: I prefer to play alone.
Zenobia: (yelling from the house) And you'll always play alone because you'll never ever grow up!
Beret Guy: So, what do we have here?
Other One: You call her a what? That's my girlfriend!
Zen: I have some choice words for that guy...
I'm sure you do, Zenny. I'm sure you do.
Summer: This is the last we'll see of you before you die!
Kale: *sarcastically* Yaaaay.
Hahahahaha no
Creepy News Guy: But WHY don't you like the person who sends you a five-page obsession/love letter every day! It shows the depths of m - of their - devotion, and - I'm asking out of interest! Out of interest!
Celebrity: Well, you see-
Danika: What is this.
Mercy: Shhh, shh, it's gonna get really good.
Brad: Polo shirt and grill, am I a real dad now?
Mercy: You're still terrible and misery-inducing.
Brad: SH I AM REAL DAD.
Mercy: I hate this place and I hate all of you.
Felix: Watch me grow, family! Feel the awesome!
Zenobia: Ohhh salmon, how interesting this salmon is! Brother who?
Felix: *outraged* Wha-
Summer: Blow out your candles and get out of my house.
Felix added Insider to his traits, and received a new wardrobe and hairstyle.
He also grew into his damn body. Seriously, he gets cheekbones, a slightly fuller face and a better body and suddenly he's pretty attractive (looks-wise, his personality is ugly as ever). At least to me.
He is not heir though. So this generation isn't quite done.
Next chapter...I don't think anyone's growing up. But time will pass and the heir reveal will get closer.
Pass Out (98) -490
We start off the chapter with a very unimpressed Q.
Quinton: This family is a mess.
Summer: Like it wasn't when we were kids, Dad.
Summer: Have you gotten over your little evil murderous child phase?
Mercy: It's not a phase. It's a way of life. I just need my knife.
Summer: Nice rhymes, dear...and the knife isn't happening.
Summer: Did you like your breakfast, Cowsy?
Cowsy: It's stabbing me from the inside! I should eat you for this!
Summer: That's not going to happen, dear.
(So you fed the cowplant the knife...good solution)
(So you fed the cowplant the knife...good solution)
Felix is using the waterslide.
Felix: Cool as ever.
*ahem* Cool for once in your life.
Zenobia: Guess who got older!
Danika: Screw you.
Zenobia: Even Mercy will be older than you at some point.
Danika: You know what? I will eventually outlive you. So think about that!
Felix: What did I say? NO.
Lana: Please just disappear.
Zenobia: Well! Salad is a girl's best friend! Literally, in my case! He's so fun, I'm insane, and you're all trash!
Zenobia: Hey listen up you loser-scum of a person! Guess what I heard? Mum wants you DEAD! Mercy was just a cover, that knife never went to Cowsy!
Brad: WHAT.
Zenobia: News to you, isn't it?
Brad: I-I don't believe you. You always screw me over!
Zenobia: HAVE IT YOUR WAY THEN, DUMMY! *stomps off*
Brad: *smug smile* See Zenobia? I'm immune to you now. I can sit next to you and I won't cry!
Zenobia:...You had your warning. Now it's movie time. Shut up.
Zenobia: It's horrifying!
Old Cashier: Who would pay in nickels, WTF-? You will pay for this!
Backwards Cap Dude: I already payed. In nickels!
Yellow Vest Girl: *rolls eyes* You're the worst.
Blonde Girl: You're so funny, BCD!
Old Cashier: I'm not taking this shit, I didn't go to WAR just so-
Old Cashier: I'm not taking this shit, I didn't go to WAR just so-
Guy On Left: Please just pay with different money. I want to get on with my life.
BCD: Alright...I have pennies.
Old Cashier: GET OUT OF MY STORE.
Zenobia: *shudders* Horrifying. They may call me a demon but I'm not that much of a monster. Pennies. *shudder*
Lana: And thank the lord you won't be able to hide behind your little girl-ness anymore!
Zenobia: I don't know what you mean. I'm just your basic average teenage girl!
Summer is at the top of her career. Now to super-max it and get more money...I've never done that before.
How does it feel to be at the top of your career, but coming home to clean out this nasty grill?
Summer: It makes we want to finish cleaning it.
OK...
Summer: And then walk up to these lazy assholes and push the dirty brush in their damned faces!
Felix: Psh. This computer isn't nearly good enough for me.
It's the best one available you little twat!
Summer:...Who tf are you?
Amara: I think I'm Madalyn's child? Who knows at this point? Wanna hang out?
Summer:...No.
(She's actually Rachel's child btw)
This is all Zenobia does, apparently. This is like her third movie.
Couple: *intense making out*
Zombie: I feel uncomfortable.
Zenobia: Just a normal teenage girl, watching Netflix instead of doing my homework.
I relate to that one, but I watch better things than that.
Felix: And brush on some extra marinade...*hums*
The good thing about Felix is that he actually skills. He is almost Level 5 in fitness and is almost Level 2 in cooking. The twins barely skilled when they were teens.
Felix: Uh, duh, because I'm better than them?
And now I'm reminded of why you're annoying.
Cowsy: You know you want that cake.
Danika: I do like cake. But y'know what, Cowsy? I'm freakin' incorporeal. I will provide you no nutrition.
Cowsy: It's about the satisfaction of eating, dear child.
Danika (and me): *shudder.*
Here are the plants Summer got on Sixam. This is our garden, I guess. Cowsy + the plants.
Cowsy and The Galactic Garden. Decent, if overlong, band name.
Mercy: La-di-da, time to get on the computer and order a new knife...
Glitches McGee: HALP
Mercy: You asked the wrong person.
Glitches: I am being SUCKED INTO THE VORTEX HEEEELP.
Felix, you idiot.
Cowsy: Didn't I warn the woman?
Felix: Not...awesome. YOU WILL PAY.
Cowsy: Try me, bitch.
Just don't get eaten again and die on me.
Daya wtf.
Summer:...Go away.
I gave her a makeover btw.
Cowsy: I told you, didn't I-
Summer: You didn't even properly consume him. Weak. Just weak.
This is the prettiest townie I've ever seen. She's a teen rn, and her name is Katelin.
*brainwaves going*
I may actually have a difficult choice with the spouse for once. Will I marry the Gen 8 heir to her, or will I marry them to the spouse I picked out?
Logan: Old people children are taking over the world!
I have seen TWO of you across all my games, shh.
Ashby: Baby! :D I'm doing pretty damn well!
Summer: Wha-
Tonya: You have failed again, sorceress.
This is like the third person, WTF game? She's a Grand Master and completed the Master Vampire aspiration. She should basically never fail.
Ashby: Baby! :D I'm doing pretty damn well!
Summer: Wha-
Tonya: You have failed again, sorceress.
This is like the third person, WTF game? She's a Grand Master and completed the Master Vampire aspiration. She should basically never fail.
FUCKING FINALLY.
Zen why are you in here?
Zen: Mercy stole my bed.
*checks* So she did. Mercy you suck.
Summer: As nice as that excuse is...I'm going to need this room to screw your dad in so...
Zen: Bye.
Nice one, Caiphus. Marry an old widow.
Felix: It ate me! This is what happened, Zen. This.
Zenobia: Now that's quality comedy. Too bad it isn't actually you in the video.
Lana: Why am I back here? This place sucks!
You asked to come over!
Lana: Prove it! ...Yeah, you can't, so I didn't!
So stupid...
Lana: *growl* Felix I definitely didn't want to see you.
Felix: The feeling is mutual!
Lana: So why did you walk all the way out here?
Felix: *growls harder*
Zenobia: What is this thing? What teenager likes being smart? Not me, for sure. *wink*
Good. Because you're not smart.
(There are smart teenagers though, Zen is being terrible as usual.)
Zen why are you in here?
Zen: Mercy stole my bed.
*checks* So she did. Mercy you suck.
Summer: As nice as that excuse is...I'm going to need this room to screw your dad in so...
Zen: Bye.
Nice one, Caiphus. Marry an old widow.
Felix: It ate me! This is what happened, Zen. This.
Zenobia: Now that's quality comedy. Too bad it isn't actually you in the video.
Lana: Why am I back here? This place sucks!
You asked to come over!
Lana: Prove it! ...Yeah, you can't, so I didn't!
So stupid...
Lana: *growl* Felix I definitely didn't want to see you.
Felix: The feeling is mutual!
Lana: So why did you walk all the way out here?
Felix: *growls harder*
Zenobia: What is this thing? What teenager likes being smart? Not me, for sure. *wink*
Good. Because you're not smart.
(There are smart teenagers though, Zen is being terrible as usual.)
Danika: I know you want a knife, but you're never gonna get it!
Mercy: Why are you taunting me? That won't be good for you.
Danika: Incorporeal, bitches! *flies off into the night sky*
(Not really, she just grabbed some cereal. Sat down in front of the TV, ate it...like a normal person)
Glass: WHEEEE!
Zenobia: What do you mean, you're better at being bad? I'm the OG here-
Mercy: You cower behind a facade, dear sister.
Zenobia: Whatever.
Mercy: And you don't have good retorts.
Zenobia: Listen up you bloodsucking little-
Mercy: I don't do that yet.
Zenobia: You will.
Mercy: Yeah. It might even be your blood.
You guys are actually good friends though. The first good friends of the generation and it's between the demon children. I wouldn't expect anything else.
Lana: Well, I've finished taking out my anger on Grandma!
Glass: *sings sadly* Why you gotta be so rude, don't you know I'm human too-
Lana: No you're NOT! Neither of us are!...Oh, goddamn, fucking Mariska, her dishes are everywhere-
Well...you two are roommates until someone moves out. The game may even move your eventual spouses in!
Lana: *groan*
Mercy: We can ally, sis. Destroy them all. I'm too small, you'll have to be my muscle.
Zen: ...I'm no muscle, I'm your basic, average-
Mercy: And the facade holds you back once more.
Oh . Well.
Zenobia got asked to join Ida's old club. I think this is the right one, it has the right required activities.
All the members are different b/c of the save file move. Also I guess they would have all died by now even if we didn't move saves.
Mercy: I have school right now, old man.
Hugo: Right. RIGHT. I forgot. Sorry. *hangs up*
Mercy: Well HE'S going on my knife list!
Purple Suit Reporter Lady: Ah! A ghost! Armpit, do the talking for me.
Ghost: Ah! I'm a ghost! I'm a GHOST! I realise it now! I just wanted to live in deniaaaallll!
Brad: I love this news program, holy shit.
You would.
Cowsy: Got your husband, blue lady!
Brad: I DON'T LOVE THIS! SPIT ME OUT! SPIT ME OUT!
Summer: Caleb wtf is wrong with you these days? You used to be cool. Now I don't even know what you are.
WHY.
You have an excuse though, random townie, because you haven't been to the wedding, nor have you been to the house multiple times. *cough* CALEB, DAHLIA, XENA, who have all done this shit in the past.
Danika: What can I say, except YOU SUCK.
Felix: I think you mean YOURSELF, DANI.
Danika: I'm quite sure I didn't.
Wow Felix you're really trying to get yourself slapped, aren't you.
Felix: Mother, I was going to use this computer! I!
Summer: Yeah, so?
Felix: SO MOVE!
Summer: *eye twitches* Felix there is another computer upstairs, go use it or so help me God I will BITE YOU.
Zenobia: No, we hate each other.
Mariska: Dammit. *shouting* Lana, put away the wood stake! We'll use it at the heir's wedding.
Hello, Katelin, my lovely.
Katelin: Don't marry me into the hellhole. Please.
Don't worry. All the kids left are terrible and don't deserve you.
Seriously, you know they're collectively terrible when Lana seems like the nicest of the generation. (Apart from Danika. But she doesn't have the Sutherland blood, so I'm not counting her.)
Jacoby: Your eyes are scary :(
Felix: Legs...weak. Feeling...dizzy.
The first kid ever to make it to Level 5 in an adult skill. It pains me to say so but...well done Felix.
Felix: Isoawesome. *passes out*
Not really though. (For both things).
This is Daya's step-granddaughter btw. You can actually see Cassandra in her. Yay genetics!
Clara: Wtf do you want? Do you know my dad or something? He says he was on the party scene in his 'youth'.
Summer: Yeah, he was. We mocked him relentlessly for having no eyebrows. Good times.
Clara being her...step-great-niece, I think, didn't stop Summer from having her dinner.
Felix: Autonomous restaurant-ing, as if.
Mariska: Dang it, Lana, put away the sword!
Lana: I told you this wouldn't work! - Hey! Make your bed!
Mariska: GAH.
Felix: *does the Running Man while honking like a goose in a pile of trash*
Seriously what.
Summer: Lothario Trust Fund - isn't that our ancestor?
I deleted him from this save file, but yes.
Summer: So why's he have a -
Just hack.
Yay Megan!
Megan: *death-glare*
Megan is the awesome child of Matt (I didn't think it was possible either but welp there you go).
...I'm gonna go visit her.
You two have grown children and grandchildren. Why are you adopting a toddler?
Ashby: Hey, we're pregnant together!
Noelle: *groan*
Looks like they're not the only ones. Why does this keep happening?
Bronson: Oh. Who are you?
Zenobia: I'm the most normal person this family has produced in a long long time!
Bronson: Interesting.
Brad: *laughs and shudders at the same time*
Bronson: Bard! Calm down. Zenobia seems nice. So you're my great-granddaughter?
Zenobia: Right on. Meet my friend the salmon,
Bronson: Oh, insanity is a curse. You poor girl.
Zenobia: Yeah. It's really hard, but I guess a sad man like you gets it.
Brad: *stifled laughter* I cannot believe someone is falling for this.
Bronson: I agr - what did you say?
Zenobia: Salmon is a girl's best friend.
I normally change the titles of the books, but this pun amused me. Well done, game. It's staying.
RIP Madalyn, you poor, put-upon woman.
That makes two triplets who are dead. Rachel is still alive...somehow.
Felix: You won't do anything to me! I'm too cool and you don't have the guts!
Mercy: TRY ME!
Felix: Oh yeah?
Mercy: Yeah!
Felix: Oh really?
Mercy: Really!
Felix: Oh no!
Mercy: I'm not repeating you this time, stupid!
WHAT?
Brad: I need to go but I don't see a toilet!
How long have you lived here? Go upstairs!
Brad: Why are there no toilets here?
Summer: Dude, GO UPSTAIRS.
Before that, they did this.
Summer: This velvet is soft!
Brad: Yeah - ooh, you go on top, my head-
Felix: Well, that ruined my day.
Summer: Ow, nail, who thought this was a good idea-?
Felix: Day utterly ruined.
Aw come on.
-5.
Brad: I love you already, but I'd love you more if you bought us a toilet-
Summer: For the love of God, there's a toilet upstairs, idiot.
What are you two doing?
Summer: Curtsy like a lady!
Brad: I have SIX fingers!
That would be five.
Felix: If these two don't leave it'll be my life that's ruined.
RIP to Rachel the salty and deluded.
Bye triplets. You were a lot of fun.
...Sorry Cowsy.
Cowsy: You have forsaken me!
And you were a bitch so...
Soon after, a bunch of people, as in two of Lyric's triplets, Ashby's baby daddy and Del's stepson died, plus a whole load of townies.
Felix: But why won't you listen to me? I'm cool, and they're WRONG.
Summer: Because as evil as they are, your sisters are right.
Zenobia: Caesar salad, you worthless bitch. You're just food. That's all you are. SHUT UP!
Felix: I don't want to be 'fanged'!
Lana: Dammit Mariska, put away the knife.
Mercy: Knife?
Fletcher: Wow, pretty! Would kiss!
Zenobia: He's wearing loafers with a hoodie. And he definitely isn't pretty.
Felix: Don't do it sis.
Zenobia: Since when did you give a shit?
Felix: Just don't want any reputation of yours tainting my awesomeness.
Zenobia: Of course.
Fletcher: What is this strange object, unknown to all men but the ones in this household?
Go home, you're stupid, how did you get in here, go home...
Fletcher: This is my home now.
GTFO!
Fletcher: I have discovered another strange object! Truly, this is a home of wonders...can I stay?
Brad: Who are you?
Felix: Does it matter? He needs to leave!
Felix stop making sense, since when did you do that?
Fletcher: Blue person! Your son says I must leave!
Summer: Goddamn you, Fletcher. Now I have to agree with my idiot son.
Fletcher: So what does that mean?
Summer: GODDAMN YOU FLETCHER. It clearly means GET OUT.
Ashby: Why am I doing this again? It's miserable.
You're dumb.
Lana married her (adopted) second cousin once removed. I guess I'll be OK with that...can't be bothered to fix it.
This in-law pair delivered their kids.
And Ashby had hers. Good names, but now she has five freakin' kids. Seriously.
Mercy: *rubs eyes* It's three freaking am.
Mariska: Shiiiit I'm wasted. I just need a house, man. *hangs up*
Quinton: Bonsai bushes ITCH!
Then GTFO of our freaking STUFF! Go calm yourself down.
Quinton: *flies upstairs and breaks a sink*
Ugh Q I love you but STAHP.
Danika: SHOWER TIME.
Or you could use the SHOWER behind you.
Bath-Shower: I am a BATH-SHOWER, how dare you misidentify me?
This is what I call being an ASSHOLE ZENOBIA.
Summer was there first and there was a free bathroom literally two feet away from this one!
Zenobia: Yeah, no, that's the mud bath area. Who knows what kind of water is flowing into there?
Summer: *intensely not giving a shit, just wants to shower*
Mercy: So, set up a time for stab practice?
Danika: I cannot with you right now.
Mercy: Well, we don't have to do it now-
Danika: STOP BEING A TWAT.
Mercy: You've made yourself a powerful enemy, Danika.
Quinton: ADIOS! *spins into grave*
Mercy: *chokes on ghost smoke* Now you're on my list! I just need the stupid knife!
Felix: Finally someone is showing me how awesome they think I - *is choked*
Zenobia: Hehe. The Galactic Garden told me to do it!
Felix: Dad, you suck, you're not even dancing OR doing the sounds.
Brad: Well - well - you can't hold a remote properly!
Felix: DON'T BRING MY REMOTE INTO THIS.
Brad: That remote is the property of us all! Stop mishandling it!
Felix: MAKE ME.
Y'all are stupid, shut up and be useful.
Oh look, it's Kale Dumbassery (TM).
I thought you were dead or something.
Kale: Yeah, I ran into Lana and I was like 'you're a vampire like my bitch niece and my wife, you guys friends?' She raised her eyebrows and said 'yeah, sure, dude'. How nice of her, right? No-one's spoken so kindly to me in YEARS!
Oh go away, you depress me.
I don't know if anyone remembers Saya, but I do!
RIP Saya. You were a lot of fun at the parties!
Seriously WTF.
Zenobia: So your stupid side is out again, huh Lana?
Lana: I will cut you.
Zenobia: You always look like you're plotting something.
Mercy: Yeah, and?
Zenobia: Be more subtle. HEY, HAIRBUNS. You look great, gotta love twins!
Brad: And with that I have become awesome.
Well...he did just hit level 4 mixology. He also has level 4 in cooking so tomorrow he should get a promotion! Woo!
Later...
Brad: A knife! You tried to buy a knife? How dare you!
Mercy: Where have you been?
Brad: What happened, why would you do this?
Mercy: Try every parenting decision you and Mum EVER made.
Brad: I still love you?
Mercy: And I do not. I'll vanquish you one day. But you know my thing is 'being in need of positive attention' so I'll take this.
Brad: I'm just glad that one of my kids still realises I exist.
Danika: Demon on board!
Mercy: Whatever. I'm the only playmate you have.
Danika: I prefer to play alone.
Zenobia: (yelling from the house) And you'll always play alone because you'll never ever grow up!
Beret Guy: So, what do we have here?
Other One: You call her a what? That's my girlfriend!
Zen: I have some choice words for that guy...
I'm sure you do, Zenny. I'm sure you do.
Summer: This is the last we'll see of you before you die!
Kale: *sarcastically* Yaaaay.
Hahahahaha no
Creepy News Guy: But WHY don't you like the person who sends you a five-page obsession/love letter every day! It shows the depths of m - of their - devotion, and - I'm asking out of interest! Out of interest!
Celebrity: Well, you see-
Danika: What is this.
Mercy: Shhh, shh, it's gonna get really good.
Brad: Polo shirt and grill, am I a real dad now?
Mercy: You're still terrible and misery-inducing.
Brad: SH I AM REAL DAD.
Mercy: I hate this place and I hate all of you.
Felix: Watch me grow, family! Feel the awesome!
Zenobia: Ohhh salmon, how interesting this salmon is! Brother who?
Felix: *outraged* Wha-
Summer: Blow out your candles and get out of my house.
Felix added Insider to his traits, and received a new wardrobe and hairstyle.
He also grew into his damn body. Seriously, he gets cheekbones, a slightly fuller face and a better body and suddenly he's pretty attractive (looks-wise, his personality is ugly as ever). At least to me.
He is not heir though. So this generation isn't quite done.
Next chapter...I don't think anyone's growing up. But time will pass and the heir reveal will get closer.
Score Sheet- 35
Single Births (20) +100
Twin Births (4) +40
Aspiration Tiers (64) +320
Aspiration (8) +80
Grade A (7) +35
Randomising everything for 1 gen (3) +30
Not using spare's satisfaction points (4) +40
Every 100,000 simoleons (5) +100
Immortalise TH (1) +5
Autonomous Skill Max (1) +10
Pass Out (98) -490
Self Wetting (27) -135
Fires (10) -100
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