5.4 - Death of a Dumbass

5.4- Death of a Dumbass

Easton: *sniffs* Fingers! Smells like vodka.

Matt does that thing evil kids seem to do and mourns random people.

I'm sick of evil kids. This is all Easton, he brought in the goshdarned evil trait.

Easton (offscreen): I don't give a damn. I have my vodka finger.

Lexie: I shall look in this random book that has been in my inventory since I grew up!

Easton: Oh sweetie. That's just silly homework. There's lots more fun things to do. Have you ever been in the pink room?

EASTON! HELL NO.

Amanda: Wow. Why is everyone here evil?

Matt: OK ghost lady. I can take you, me and Leroy can take you!

Who is Leroy?

Matt: My shirt robot.

Vesana is eating outside at 5am, even though there are AT LEAST five empty dining table seats. And it's not like there are a bunch of sofas and barstools either...!

Vesana: Well whaddya know baby? You just hopped outta your crib!

Matt: EXSQUEEZE ME? Leroy and I will know far more than you ever will, sister! We will take over the world before you!

Lexie: Draaaaammmaaaa....and who the heck is Leroy?

Vesana: Who knows? Probably some baby thing!

Matt: I'm not a BABY!

Vesana: That's what a baby would say.

Lexie: I like cars.

Matt: No! Dinosaurs for the win!

Vesana: Imbeciles. If anyone's taking over the world it's probably me.

Vesana: Get outta here you little trash! No-one wanted you!

Lexie: I KNOW THAT. JEEZ VESA. GET WITH IT.

Matt: Hmm...Leroy says that I hate you.

Lexie: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS? Can't we just talk about penguins?

Everyone (even the adults): *groan*

Vesana: Y'know Granddaddy tried to sell Mum for a penny back in the day?

Matt: NO! My innocence!

Vesana: Yeah. Granddaddy is where we get our nature from.

Matt: Sooo...?

Vesana: So get in the box. I think I could get a fiver for you.

Matt: OH HELL NO.

I think I'm going to have to invite Auntie Lyric over, she'd like these kids. Also, I really hope Gen 6 can have some comradery and happy times. I'm definitely going to knock Ida up again, cos right now we have two evil spawn.

Lexie: So this is what dad means by better things...

*sigh*

Lexie: I prefer my salad.

*pats head* Good girl.

Also, I treated everyone to a nice tub with Scarlett's promotion stuff.

Virginia, the first non-main ISBI line Gen 6 kid. Born from one of Ethan's many kids (the eldest boy...I think).

Also, Darwin, Kezia's child Karter's son with his wife.

Matt: I AM A DINOSAUR! Jurassic Park FTW! RAAARRRRGH- eeeeee I got my shoe wet!

Real great dinosaur you are.

Matt: But it feels so groooooss.

Amanda: Shit this room clashes with my aura.

*throws hands up* Then DON'T BE IN HERE. It's 10am, get back in your grave woman!

Easton: Well. Look at me. One day from death and I ain't done shit with my life.

OK, so this dude's urn will be outside in the street unless this family actually moves.

Which won't happen because I like this house and this is the only 50x40 lot (for the time being).

And this is why you haven't done anything important Easton. All you did was give Ida your nose shape.

Easton: Quiet you. I must defeat myself.

Isadora: HAHAHAHA he's DEEEAAAAD!

Black Dress Girl: Er...

Akeem: What the hell did those crazy friends of my mother's create now?

Akeem: It's times like these that I give up on humanity.

Isadora walked up to him, gave him a look and just walked the freak off.

Akeem: She may be crazy, but that ass.

Isadora: Do you want to die tonight?

Looks like Isa has a streak of evil in her too. Her YA trait, Good, appears to be a slight lie at this point.

Grim: Sayonara mortals!

Branson (Steve's kid): Grim, get your gunk off my feet.

Grim: Will do, man. I gotta get back to the underworld and all.

???

Branson: He's my bro.

Steve what did you do. I blame you.

Why is it always the spouses who are useless? FFS. -5.

Isadora: Guess what dad! I witnessed a death today and I didn't even cry!

Easton: AMAZING!

That's not...oh never mind.

Bronson: HEHEHEHEHEHE

Go to bed. You're clearly sleep-deprived.

Matt: Well jeez Leroy, I don't think you need to see all of these!

OMG IDA.

I haven't seen a cooking face like that since Amanda. I love you.

Ida: Yeah I 'preciate it but I love this salad here more!

You do you.

This is Alayna, a 'surprise' baby from Pietro's kid Wesley, who is not a kid anymore, he is in fact an elder.

I fixed this! It took me like, 20 chapters and one and a half generations to realise that I had to use the other type of counter if I wanted it to lock onto the stools.

Bronson: It's a great development, salad, it really is.

Elektra grandchild. By her son Ernest, who as I recall married one of Ethan's baby mamas...to be fair to him, there's a pretty high chance that the woman you end up with rn would have some child from either Ethan or Galactus.

Vesana: I just wanted cereal.

Matt: *is suffocated* HELP! LEROY DOES NOT APPROVE!

Easton: All of you f*ck off, can't I eat what might be my last breakfast in peace?

Vesana: Wah wah wah. Who gives a damn. I was here first.

Matt: Yeah...all you do is shout at people and play games.

Vesana: So we don't really care.

Easton: Great. I love you kids too.

Easton: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Vesana: I'm working out the meaning of life Granddaddy. You should try it one day, since your head is so full of nothing.

Bronson: To laser or not to laser? That is the true meaning...

Scarlett: Look, kid, nothing against you, but I've had enough of kids and I'd like to...eat alone, just alone for once, y'know?

Vesana: Oh, Granny! I couldn't leave you alone. I think I should keep you company.

I see Vesana saying horribly sarcastic or straight-up rude things, but saying them in a cute little voice.

Scarlett: Ah yes, tea. Trying to be an old lady stereotype and all that. Now, let me shake in this green stuff that looks like mouldy fish food-

Seriously, what? Ew.

It's time for Ida's wedding.

Ida: We invited this lot because...?

Gage/Ismael: Look what I can do with my neck?

Gage/Ismael: But I have a HAT.

Lyric: This loser place hasn't changed. Glad I moved out.

Meanwhile this is Isadora.

Galactus: This is embarrassing. Why did I have to get pinkified?

Caiphus: Ha. And my wife says I'm crazy.

Lyric: You're dying? EEE! *throws self at Easton*

Easton: You're going to join me one day, daughter.

Lyric: Child, you got hit by evvvvery branch of the ugly tree on your way here.

Vesana: Some people shouldn't talk about ugly, Auntie.

Easton: HA-ha! You got owned by a child!

Lyric: Shut up!

Caiphus and Galactus: What fresh hell now?

Isa does the smart thing and gets a drink.

Isadora: Yep...bartender, make me like five more of these and we're cool.

Galactus joins her!

Galactus: Ohhh...I remember when you were just a baby, Isa, and now you're drinking...legally...

Isadora: Cut the mush, sweetie. Let's get wasted.

Bronson: Come on in! It's our wedding day, let's do this!

Ida: Sure thing. Safety laws schmafety laws.

Lyric: Erm. Well, OK, I'm not saying that's gross and weird, but it's gross and weird.

Mixologist: A toast to ME!

Isadora: Lyric, Lyric look! My husband looooves me!

Caiphus: This is some affection stuff or something I guess...

Lyric: Oh. Oh hon. I'm married to an actual Romeo.

Isadora: We need to establish some ground rules here Caiphus! One! If I feed you scraps from the bin then you DEAL.

Caiphus: Can you even hear yourself right now?

Meanwhile...

Galactus: But PLANES.

Lyric: Yeah, screw this. I'mma hop on the Isadora train and get a drink.

Yeah...she got all stinky. But I need to get them married.

DONE.

(Didn't get a kissing pic cos I suck).

Poor Galactus.

Lyric: Hello. It's me.

Caiphus: HAI.

Gage/Ismael: AHHH STUCK.

Isadora: Maybe I'm hallucinating, or maybe I'm just reeeal drunk, but there appears to be a sparkle.

Gage/Ismael: My life sucks. I'mma drink too.

Caiphus: You look like, a- a- LLAMA!

Lyric: Oh honey. That insult is soooo old.

Caiphus and Lyric: CONFETTI.

OK, I ended it because it was getting too freaking long.

Lexie: In my haaaaappy place....

LEXIE GROW UP. Maybe it's because I don't like her, but I feel like she's been a child forever.

Honestly even the ghosts are drowning their sorrows?

I will never understand. There are like 3742874239 seats!

Lexie: I just wanna eat near to my BFF FRIDGE! Ain't that right fridge?

Fridge: Naw girl I don't like you either.

3 days...

Easton: Goodbye world I was always too good for you anyways...!

Scarlett: *snore*

Scarlett: Oh my God the idiot's finally going!

Bronson: Easton where did you put that taco...ah crap, I'll never get the taco now!

Don: Yay another ghost! Ghost partyyyyyyyy!

Matt: YOOOO.

Bronson: COME ON. You could have just told me where the taco was before you went and died!

Matt: I arranged this!

Don: Le gasp! The stupidity!

Matt: Says you, you pink floating douche.

Bronson: *sobs* MY TACO!

Matt: Well it's official. My dad's an utter twat.

Vesana: Hey guys. My boy Grim's here, just so ya know...

Branson (at somewhere random): HEY. He's MY bro, little girl!

Bronson: THE TACOOOOOOO!!!!

Grim: AGHHHHHH me stuck.

Matt: Ooh it's Grim! He's gonna be such a great friend to me...!

Vesana: *pretends to sob* Jesus Matt at least pretend you're sad! How are we gonna take over the world if you don't look innocent?

Scarlett: This is just great. I'm losing the bed heater. FFS.

No tbh she's actually really cut up. Poor girl.

And then I noticed thiiiiis!

Gamora is old!

Nat: OMG it's GRIM!

Grim: *offscreen* Yeah you MET me, lady...

Bronson: Quit whining about that! Mourn my TACO, MOFOS.

Vesana and Matt: Waaaaaaaaaah!

Nat: They're- just- screaming- they're pretending, aren't they?

THIS IS WHY WE NEED NEW KIDS.

Nat: You got that right! I'm sadder and I don't even know this weirdo!

Lexie: Oh Dad. I had one more penguin joke in me. I wish I'd got to share it with you...

And with that we mourn Easton Franklin, full time mourner, gamer and genuine asshole. He leaves behind his abrasive child-hater of a wife and four screwed-up daughters. RIP you f*cking weirdo.

Scarlett and Nat: *sob*

Matt: Oh come on guys! What'll you be like when Leroy and I have like, double the amount of tombs?

Ida: Even though he treated me like crap, I'm saaaaaaad!

*sigh* I kept you sleeping so you wouldn't get this F*CKING moodlet. I'm just gonna cram a load of decor into the study and turn on the incense.

Ida: And now I gotta clean up after my own wedding. This sucks...

Scarlett: *has +10 sad moodlets* I'm OK I'm OK I'm OK...

I feel really sorry for her. Especially because with her high fitness she's probably gonna stick around a bit past her due day of death.

I admire her! Doing the cleaning as well.

Lyric that's your freaking father.

Lyric: What? I'm not a little wimp bitch like Ida. He treated me like crap too, so unlike her I'm not gonna be SAD about his death!

Isadora called Ida to invite her over. I brought Scarlett...because she was writing jokes and crying and there's just something wrong about that.

Caiphus: Isa, Isa, your dad died...why are you SMILING?

Isadora: Ehehe he didn't die! (I'm in such denial).

Scarlett: And they say I'm effed up.

Caiphus: I married a stupid.

Scarlett: Sure did, boy. Shoulda known what you were getting into.

Isadora: Look they're green!

Ida: Oh Mum, it's OK. I'm sad too...but really Dad wasn't that nice. He yelled at us all the time. You guys' romance bar was at like 65% when he died...and before you became NTH it was like 97.

Isadora: I'm your muse?! That's such a nice thing to say, kid-of-Caiphus's-mother's-(dead)-roommate.

Marlon: Hell yeah, sweet thing.

Caiphus: Isa.

Isadora: What, Caiphus? This young man is just being nice to me.

Caiphus: Right.

Can anyone else see Isadora being stupidly naive like this? Cos I can definitely see her being stupidly naive like this.

Marlon: I'd take you for a riiide. I'd put you in a parcel and take you for a real good ride...

Isadora: OK I see what you're getting at honey.

Caiphus: What did I tell you Isa? WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

(Went home because that house was kinda boring me)

Bronson's aunt, aka Hat Girl, was nice enough to be supportive and all.

Caiphus: Yeah yeah, it's my job to hand around the condolences, since my wife is in denial...

Vesana: Whaddya think I care for? Too busy taking over the world, man!

Ida: Riiiight, cos that's the ONLY major event that's gone on in my life.

And Lexie falls asleep outside. -5.

And that also makes 50 passouts.

Lexie: *cancels action to go to bed so she can pout*

Screw you, Lexie.

Ida cheers herself up.

Yeah, I changed my WooHoo settings.

IDA!!!!!

I know you're sad but that's no excuse for...this...

WTF.

AHA! I knew you were sad Matt!

Matt: I'm just being sad for LEROY! He has FEELS man, FEELS. Vesa says that I'm weak...but really I'm just feeling Leroy's feelings for him, y'know how it is...

Also I suck so much I didn't even get a pregnancy test shot but Ida is pregnant again.

Bronson: Letting it hang LOOSE!

K maybe I should change my WooHoo settings back...

We leave this chapter. Next time Lexie ages into a teen, (YESSSSS!), everyone gets over the death of Easton, and the new child shall be born.